Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I don't know what would be the right title
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 02-23-2016, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: OZ
Posts: 276
I don't know what would be the right title

I spent a lot of time on this forum in 2014 - only reading and not posting. Someone close to me was going through a rough patch in his marriage. Google and ye shall find. I have been reading these stories in horror but admittedly also having that "It'll never happen to me" feeling. I also couldn't for the sake of me comprehend why grown up people spend their time on the forum discussing most intimate aspects of their personal lives. I thought that is an "American" thing (I'm from Australia) - or a hiding place for hurt people.

Yet here I am sitting at home alone in the morning 1st time in probably 5-6 years without being seek, on holidays or anything like that - just because I'm unable to go to my office, smile to my co-workers and answer "Great, thanks" to the "How are you" greeting. I don't know what am I doing here and why is it so much easier than opening up to the ones that are close to me. I guess that is what you call a drive by post?

Anyway, after 20 years of happy marriage to a women I knew from the high school (literally grew up with) I have learned a week and a half ago that she has cheated... Wrong, I should say was cheating and probably is cheating on me. I'm not sure if this a positive thing (I'm a "glass half full" person, at least I was) I have been spared weeks of doubt, suspense and paranoia. I can't honestly say I have had any doubts prior to the discovery - I should have I retrospect but being a f**g idiot I am I was oblivious until I have accidentally intercepted a voice mail that was unambiguous and could not be misinterpreted. When I exposed it to my wife... I did have an irrational hope that it is some sort of mistake; if not it didn't go all the way; if it did - that she will keep fighting for the marriage.

She did not deny it, she couldn't as the message was literally "Hi [her name], I want you to know I cannot stop thinking about you, my day is full of thoughts about our last time together, I can't even tell you how much did I enjoy every inch of your body and I'm sure I hasn't left any of it without an attention it deserve. Please call me when you can". Something like that she has deleted it.

I expected shock, tears, guilt, remorse and frantic attempts to save the marriage. I have got the 1st three for a day or two... Eventually she opened up with the following: that she is sorry she's hurt me, I'm a wonderful man and a great husband, she can't fault me and still loves me but last couple of years(? WTF) she felt chocked in the marriage. That she needs someone who is enigmatic, artistic and enlightens people around him. Who "stands up in the crowd and lives life to the fullest". She could have handled this better but what happened happened and we all need to take it from here. That was as close to the quote as I can produce ATM. She hasn’t answered my question about the divorce and does not seem to want separation but needs "time to asses who she is and what she wants". So it looks like I have been denied even a f**ng say in whether we should try to reconcile or divorce. I have left a message for a family lawyer this morning.

I don't get it - every aspect of the marriage was great or so I thought, we've had a great night out 2 days before I've got that voice mail (hers not mine), never lived from a paycheck to a paycheck, travelling together, you name it. ATM I feel more void and confusion rather than pain and anger. You know like someone suddenly pulls a chair from under you when you are about to sit down.

I just can't call relatives and friends and talk to or face them. She hasn't announced anything either AFAIK. I don't know what I'm going to say to our son (who thanks to God is overseas). I don't even know why am I posting this as all decisions and doubts have been taken from me.

I'm 42, she is 40. Knew her since high school, been together and inseparable since then hence the early marriage.

Hantei is offline  
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