Re: I don't know what would be the right title
If you've been hanging around for a while you should be able to find the Newbie thread? Also get STD tested. And make sure you eat enough and don't drink.
Then, you need to STOP with the attitude that you're leaving ANYTHING up to her. You haven't been denied a say in anything - you've given it away. Take control, by kicking her a$$ to the curb. She's given you the ILYBNILWY speech, which there is never any coming back from by being NICE.
You've lost yourself. You aren't able to be you without her. You need to find YOU first of all. Forget about her and forget about your marriage - she's blown it up. It's gone. Even if you stay married, it won't ever be what you had. Start deciding what YOU want and doing it. It should start with kicking her out.
I know this sounds brutal and impossible, but it's exactly what I did, and 6 years later we are together and WAY better.