Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - A note about stopping contact with "other person"

whynot · 05-28-2010, 01:21 PM

My husband was asked to stop contact with the other woman over a year ago now. He has been acting rebellious towards me ever since, even though he made a choice to stop contact. Out of curiosity I asked him last night if I would have the back the man I fell in love with if he was able to resume contact with this other woman. His face lit up like a freakin Christmas tree with glee and then he said he needed to ponder that,but I could already tell that he would be his old self again if that could happen. Seeing that, I then asked what was so significant in their "relationship" over ours... what did it provide him that he didnt think he was getting here. He said nothing and I said thats not true otherwise it wouldnt mean anything to you to have said goodbye to that, but instead you have been punishing me ever since. He said I guess it was about being controlled, he felt I was controlling him bc he couldnt contact her anymore. I felt like crying bc it appears our relationship means that little to him without her around. However, I said to him today that even though I requested he stop contact, he made the choice to follow through and instead of owning that choice, he has been rebelling against me ever since. I further stated that if he didnt think he could do it, or found it impossible, he shouldnt have agreed to it, or approached me to talk instead of punishing me.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful information. I dont know what Im going to do with it... or with the fact that I now know my gut was right all along... he has been punishing me ever since he stopped contact with the other woman. I just hope that I can get over the hurt he has caused me physically (violence) and emotionally... all bc of this other woman he keeps claiming means nothing. If she meant nothing why did he break his wrist punching a door frame over her? Why did he emotionally choose her over me in our arguments (he cant talk, only argue about it) every time? Why is he even still married to ME if she is so important? I just cant take being punished for that mistake they made... now if he wanted to punish me for my current affair... absolutely, I take full responsibility and would make ammends something he has denied me all along... he wont even admit to anything, still... only look like a kid in a candy staore at the thought of being able to email her again.

05-28-2010, 01:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
whynot Member Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 86	A note about stopping contact with "other person" My husband was asked to stop contact with the other woman over a year ago now. He has been acting rebellious towards me ever since, even though he made a choice to stop contact. Out of curiosity I asked him last night if I would have the back the man I fell in love with if he was able to resume contact with this other woman. His face lit up like a freakin Christmas tree with glee and then he said he needed to ponder that,but I could already tell that he would be his old self again if that could happen. Seeing that, I then asked what was so significant in their "relationship" over ours... what did it provide him that he didnt think he was getting here. He said nothing and I said thats not true otherwise it wouldnt mean anything to you to have said goodbye to that, but instead you have been punishing me ever since. He said I guess it was about being controlled, he felt I was controlling him bc he couldnt contact her anymore. I felt like crying bc it appears our relationship means that little to him without her around. However, I said to him today that even though I requested he stop contact, he made the choice to follow through and instead of owning that choice, he has been rebelling against me ever since. I further stated that if he didnt think he could do it, or found it impossible, he shouldnt have agreed to it, or approached me to talk instead of punishing me. Anyway, I hope this is helpful information. I dont know what Im going to do with it... or with the fact that I now know my gut was right all along... he has been punishing me ever since he stopped contact with the other woman. I just hope that I can get over the hurt he has caused me physically (violence) and emotionally... all bc of this other woman he keeps claiming means nothing. If she meant nothing why did he break his wrist punching a door frame over her? Why did he emotionally choose her over me in our arguments (he cant talk, only argue about it) every time? Why is he even still married to ME if she is so important? I just cant take being punished for that mistake they made... now if he wanted to punish me for my current affair... absolutely, I take full responsibility and would make ammends something he has denied me all along... he wont even admit to anything, still... only look like a kid in a candy staore at the thought of being able to email her again.