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Separated wife only wants to be friends

124K views 521 replies 69 participants last post by  Chuck71 
#1 ·
Hi all.

If you have read my previous threads, you will know that my wife has given me a hard time since discovering porn on my phone and filing for divorce after years of feeling taken for granted.

Well, I have moved out now, the divorce financial settlement has been agreed and my wife's attitude towards me has changed.
She now wants me to spend as much time with the kids as possible. We have been on days out as a family and she says things are so much better between us. I compliment her, which she likes but has told me that she just wants to develop a friendship with me and not a romance. She admits she would be lost without me but just wants us to have fun together as friends and to bring up the children together.
I have told her that I respect her feelings but hope things will change in the future.....

Just so confused and lonely. I should be happy that things have improved but I want my wife back not a buddy I cans hare a few glasses of wine with. Am I being selfish? Should I just back down and embrace this new dynamic? Does she think that this will be enough for me or is she testing me to see if the changes are permanent?

She was sad when I left the house, she sat there crying saying that although things had been difficult, I am all she knows. There is no OM and I'm not sure she would want me around so much if there was. I feel stuck in a place where I want her back and know I will have to wait for her feelings to change, but for how long? Is there a way forward for us without pushing her away?
 
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#39 ·
Is she changing the rules or working thru her own process? I recall when my husband and I divorced many years ago that there was a time when we were getting along as friends too but that did not last. I think it it the emotions were are experiencing that play out and this is what you are seeing in her.
 
#40 ·
You have to detach. That's what the 180 is for. If you're watching tv and drinking wine together, you're not implementing the 180. You're providing the emotional benefits of male companionship without getting anything in return. That will suck you dry.

Right now you need to concentrate on being a stronger version of yourself. No more obsession over your STBXW. Get her off the pedestal. You need to connect with some male friends. Get out and do activities. (not clubbing or bar hopping) Something that will help you reconnect with your inner warrior. Because right now you seem REALLY weak.

Get your @ss in the gym. Maybe sign up for some martial arts training. In other words get in fighting shape. Also, make sure you're taking care of your appearance. Nothing will put a little bounce in your step, than liking what you see in the mirror. Get a flattering haircut. I'm not talking super cuts. Go to a good place and have the most flaming dude hook you up. Also make sure your hygiene is taken cared off. Women's sense of smell is more sensitive than a mans. And lastly make sure your gear is tight. Not talking metro sexual but don't be walking around like a people of Walmart poster child.

In other words work on you. When the time is right, God will bring a woman into your path. Who knows, it could be your STBXW that you win over.
 
#41 ·
Today I spent time with the kids. On my return to drop them home, my wife was a bit annoyed that I didn't reply to her appology last night. She said that she has only agreed to go out as a family in order to support me with the kids. She says it's not about 'us' right now. She feels uncomfortable atm for us to be spending time together alone. She also saud we need to restrict the amount of days I go to the house and see the kids....

That's ok with me. The pedastal is crumbling. I seem to treat her like she is the only woman that will ever have me. I haven't really dated or been involved with anyone else for 13 years. She is all I know and want.

Her perception seems to be that she is not intending to date anyone else but expects the same from me. It' s almost as if she is playing a long game with me to see if her feelings change and she can test me along the way. God forbid if another woman came on the scene....it wouldn't even be factored into her plans....who knows..she may be relieved but I very much doubt it. She is a control freak, a planner with a bit if ocd. She likes familiarity and consistency and the girls are her world. Men generally piss her off, her longest relationship before me lasted 2 years. I need to detach for sure as nothing will change. She likes to know everything that I am doing...she can't handle me as a lone wolf. It's probably my greatest weapon in all this....I just need to figure how to use it.
 
#43 · (Edited)
She also saud we need to restrict the amount of days I go to the house and see the kids....
Heck no. She is being manipulative again. Andy, are you not planning 50% custody?

Do not let her use the kids against you. She will "offer" you a few pity days to see the kids as a way to control you. If you start dating then - bam - suddenly your access is restricted.

The days you spend with the kids are for you and them, not your wife. They are not HER kids that she is allowing you to see. They are YOUR kids too and you have equal right to see them equal time.
 
#42 ·
Has your wife always been controlling?

No more. Let your actions show she does not get to take from you without giving. No more, OP.

Let me acquaint you with three words that are powerful in get inn this situation corrected:

"No, thank you."

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
 
#46 ·
Several TAMers have recommended MMSL primer. I'm going to strongly agree with them. This is a how to on becoming a better man, so you can be a better husband. The thinking is that as you become a better catch, the married man's sex life with his wife will improve but if not, you're in a position to end it with confidence that you'll be a catch for someone else.

In a marriage or LTR, this is something you can't fake. You can fake it until you make it with a STR. Because she doesn't know you that well. So impressing her would be easy but a wife of many years is different. She knows the real you. They won't be fooled by turning things around for a few weeks. When a wife pulls away, it takes a lot of effort to win them back.

Right now your wife is pulling away. She smells your neediness a mile away. Remember this woman knows you. Another guy can pull the same moves that you're doing and she would eat it up but coming from you, it comes across as weakness, which everyone knows repulses women.

You have to remember to not project what you want and think she wants the same. You want kindness, sweetness and that soft feminine smile that says everything is perfect as long as I'm with you. Her? She doesn't want that. She needs to see you strong, self sufficient and not trying to use the kids as a way to weasel up to her.

Like I said in my last post, you must work on being the best version of yourself. It must be done for you. If you win her back, awesome. If not you still must go forward. Growing up in a broken home, your kids will need a strong father more than ever.
 
#47 ·
I think half of my problem right now is the intense lonliness that I'm feeling. Even when I'm with the kids alone. Everyone I know is married and although they are supportive, when I go back to the room I am renting, I have to get in the car and go for a drive as I can't stand it.

Yes I do weasel up to her when I see the kids. She must sense that. That's why she says that right now, it's about the kids. I have got the primer and have read it. But it seems to concentrate on still being in a relationship.

My wife took a photo of me yesterday while we were all out....I look weak. There is a complete resignation about me like I haven't slept for weeks. I am smiling but there is sadness in my eyes. I miss my wife so badly that I don't know how to break the cycle I am in.

She messages me now and then during the day and sends me photos of what the kids are doing. I appreciate it..she must be lonely too sometimes. She thinks leaving me has done me good.....how?
 
#49 · (Edited)
Andy, @Evinrude58 is right. Your wife is being cruel and she knows EXACTLY what she is doing. Do not think that "she must be lonely too". You will never get out of this if you hold on to that hope. Not going to happen unless YOU CHANGE.

I just read your very two first posts and I am pissed. She is a manipulative ***** (or whatever slang you use in UK). She dated (and slept with) other guys, did cocaine, sent pictures of herself to other guys - in bikini and probably without. Jeez.

Your ONLY way out of this is to build your confidence and raise your sex market value. As long as you are needy she will control you. Your first two posts (I will read the rest later) indicate she flips out when you have attention of other women. That should be your game. She will control you without end to make sure that does not happen.

She is hot and in Sales. She is used to dealing with confidence men, power people, deciders. That is what she finds attractive. A confident man.

Oh, and she was doing porn too. So quit thinking that the divorce is caused by porn or you raising your daughter not to be just like her.

Do you know why she hated the porn? Because it was focusing your attention on other women and not her. She is attention needy.

Try Kay's Mindful Attraction Plan. You need to get to Phase 7, life without your wife.

Andy, it is going to be darn fracking difficult, lonely and hurting. But you can and will get through this. The most important thing is to stick with the schedule you set with wife. Be with kids on your night. DO NOT be the sudden babysitter when she has a date. Believe, she will HATE it when she calls you to babysit and you say you cannot be cause you already have plans. She will pump you to find out what and with whom.

Remember, play the long game. No woman wants a weasel. Be the alpha male lion.

BTW, just try telling her you want to speed up the divorce because you met a "friend" and it is unfair to your friend for you to date her while still married. But before you do that, go out and really make friends. No making up stories. Go have your life.
 
#48 ·
What she is doing is cruel. If she wants you gone, she should treat you like you have the plague. What she is doing is the worst thing someone can do. It's as bad as cheating almost. Letting you see and hear her just enough not to detach.
Keeping you on the hook.
You truly need to stop seeing her and having no contact. This is making you crazy. It did me.

Find out what makes you happy alone and stick with that until you're well. You will know you are well when you can see her and it doesn't hurt. You cannot get better without pain. But if you will force yourself to give up and move on, you WILL heal.
Please put the pirn behind you. I never had a problem with it, but I do not look at that stuff anymore. It's bad for one's mind and health, as you know.
You can be one a man lots of women would want, if you try.
What your wife is doing to you is wrong. Don't let her keep it up. Take your life back. You can.
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#50 ·
Your wife has no moral high ground. She has done far worse to you than you did to her. I don't get it. I don't know why you don't tell her to go fvck herself and that you expect to get the kids half the time or you will get the courts involved. Fvck that bullsh!t. Stop being her doormat. She wipes her feet all over you and enjoys it.
 
#51 · (Edited)
kids half the time
Did I miss something? Is Andy NOT already having the kids half time, now and future?

If anything the kids need HIM more than HER. She will make the kids into copies of her dysfunctional self unless he is in their lives at least 50% time.

ETA: Andy, the more time the kids spend with "mom" the more your wife will turn them against you - especially once you show signs of increased value and start dating.
 
#52 ·
Wearing the ring was a sign of your commitment to her? Your commitment. That's why she's got you by your short hairs and is shaking the stuffing out of you.

She knows she's in the driver's seat and is seeing just how fast you can run. There is a slightly cloying feeling that this is part of her revenge. You must have really ticked her off with the porn.

So, tell us, why did you continue with the porn as it is usual for the woman to warn the man first. Are you still watching porn? Your wife may not feel safe with you, yet.
 
#55 ·
blueinbr you are right in a lot of ways about her.

She needs attention, she recently asked me if I was still attracted to her.
She said in the heat of the moment when I was still looking to move that we will never get back together now...because I am a ditherer! She wants an assertive and confident man.
When my counselor suggested I date other women, and I told her...she turned pale and looked uncomfortable.
The porn was a big threat as she felt I was cheating on her hundreds of times and that she couldn't compete.
When I turned up to see the kids this week looking smart from work, I could see her checking me out...

Is she testing me? Has she got a game plan to see if I man up? She doesn't mention our marriage anymore or the porn. She knows I quit looking at that but she also knows that I love her and finds comfort in that. But....she gives me nothing back emotionally...does she really believe in her twisted fantasy that I would worship her for eternity?
 
#59 ·
blueinbr you are right in a lot of ways about her.

She needs attention, she recently asked me if I was still attracted to her.
She said in the heat of the moment when I was still looking to move that we will never get back together now...because I am a ditherer! She wants an assertive and confident man.
When my counselor suggested I date other women, and I told her...she turned pale and looked uncomfortable.
The porn was a big threat as she felt I was cheating on her hundreds of times and that she couldn't compete.
When I turned up to see the kids this week looking smart from work, I could see her checking me out...

Is she testing me? Has she got a game plan to see if I man up? She doesn't mention our marriage anymore or the porn. She knows I quit looking at that but she also knows that I love her and finds comfort in that. But....she gives me nothing back emotionally...does she really believe in her twisted fantasy that I would worship her for eternity?
She's not into you. She just doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy so she throws you a little bit of pity friendship.

We've all been telling you. Transform yourself. Make an achievable but challenging goal. It takes 40 weeks from inception to birth to create a new life. Make a promise to yourself that in 40 weeks, you'll do... Not for the wife but for you.

Prove to yourself that you're not done. Start watching movies, reading books and listening to music to inspire your inner warrior. You can become something more. You have to do it for you. Even if you divorce, you can probably win her back but you have to willing let her go. If she's meant for you, God will open that door but you have to do the work.
 
#57 ·
Andy Man, this is tough. @jsmart is right. Virtual hug to you.

So, what is your plan here? Not the plan to get her back, but the plan for the separation and divorce and custody of the kids. Forget what wife wants. What is that you will insist upon?

There is no limbo allowed. If this separation continues it moves to divorce - at YOUR insistence. Any prolonged separation - wife gets house and kids 90% of time, you live in rental with kids two nights a week - is not going to cut it.

Put all your chips in. Go to war with your STBXW over the assets and kids. Not in a revenge or vindictive way, but for equal assess to the kids. Right now your wife has nothing to lose as she knows you are kept at bay by her manipulation. When she realizes that her bubble and her plans for this are threatened by this now dominant man, she will react.

I don't buy this cheating on her a hundred times crap. It is internet porn. As long as you were not cheating her out of sex by doing it, it is survivable. Did I read that sex dropped off to almost zero? No wonder you watch porn. Many or most guys do. Porn built the VHS industry and much of the early internet.

She asked you if you were still attracted to her? Really?? WTF?? BTW, what did you say?

Yes, she is testing you with EVERYTHING she does. If she wants divorce then she should have moved right away or follow whatever are the UK laws. Preempt her by filing for divorce now and 50% custody AND the house.

Yes you are going to date other women. If nothing else just for coffee. Play it low key and tell them up front you are separated and moving towards divorce. If they reject you it is because you have too much current baggage (still married, right) not because of you.

Not sure what you told the counselor to make her turn pale. Does not matter.

So again, what is your plan? Long game, right? Fight for your kids! THAT is the kind of man, the only kind of man, your wife respects.

Print out the divorce papers or get a UK lawyer to draft them. Then present wife with YOUR separation demands, show her the papers, and if she does not agree, you file. Do you know what her first reaction will be - respect for you. Remember, divorce papers does not mean divorce. YOU can stop the process at any time.

Good luck, eat well, and work out at the gym. Other than the kids and your job, that is you top priority.
 
#58 ·
Well, She already filed in January. We have agreed terms and I will continue to pay half the mortgage as to keep the kids at home and get a good return when I decide to sell. We have 50% joint custody and she doesn't want anything from me except maintenance for the kids. She said in the papers that I was addicted to porn. BS but I accepted as in the uk it would take two years separation before you can even apply for divorce! I thought that if it is over and she doesn't want me, better to be free sooner rather than later. Also, I would see if she is serious about following it through.

She kept saying that I had everything and blew it...She did too but threw it away...or has she?
 
#61 ·
Well, She already filed in January. We have agreed terms and I will continue to pay half the mortgage as to keep the kids at home and get a good return when I decide to sell. We have 50% joint custody and she doesn't want anything from me except maintenance for the kids. She said in the papers that I was addicted to porn. BS but I accepted as in the uk it would take two years separation before you can even apply for divorce! I thought that if it is over and she doesn't want me, better to be free sooner rather than later. Also, I would see if she is serious about following it through.

She kept saying that I had everything and blew it...She did too but threw it away...or has she?
So basically you are letting her call all the shots with your life and future. Maybe she won't divorce me and I can go back to the doormat life?????

Why didn't you put her sh!t in the divorce papers?

You really need to wake up. How in the hell do you live like this????
 
#62 ·
He was doing the porn and not having sex with her, if I recall correctly, and she is right to be pissed about that.
But what we appear to have is a master manipulator. She gives him just enough to let him hang himself.
Your only choice here is to detach and start seeing a female friend.
She will detect both and probably come back. Do you want her after all this? Coca ine and other men is not attractive to me.
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#64 ·
Without porn addiction on the petition, there was no case for divorce which would mean a no fault divorce that would require two years separation. She went for the kill and filed within four days of discovering the porn which means she had planned it all months before. She felt un appreciated, taken for granted....but hardly spoke to me of an evening just ranted in text messages about leaving which I hoped would stop. The petition is signed and we are going through the financial arrangements. I have agreed to pay half the mortgage because I can afford it but I can pull out of the deal giving three months notice. If a jackass came on the scene...I could force a sale if he moves in. The divorce could be finalised by September. She isn't interested in saving the marriage ATM as she has this fixed belief that we co parent apart and everything will be happy!?
 
#65 ·
Without porn addiction on the petition, there was no case for divorce which would mean a no fault divorce that would require two years separation. She went for the kill and filed within four days of discovering the porn which means she had planned it all months before. She felt un appreciated, taken for granted....but hardly spoke to me of an evening just ranted in text messages about leaving which I hoped would stop. The petition is signed and we are going through the financial arrangements. I have agreed to pay half the mortgage because I can afford it but I can pull out of the deal giving three months notice. If a jackass came on the scene...I could force a sale if he moves in. The divorce could be finalised by September. She isn't interested in saving the marriage ATM as she has this fixed belief that we co parent apart and everything will be happy!?
She's banking on controlling your life to suit her needs.

You need to show her she's wrong.

Next time she invites you over tell her you have plans.

Text only. Do not jump and answer her calls and texts. And only those that deal with the children.

You can man up and do this. Take control of your life.
 
#66 ·
I find this thread interesting in so much as many of the males on here are telling Andy to get rid of the STBXW, how dare she mess with your mind, your future, string you along, etc.
In addition, Andy you are still very self centered, it is all about you, how you feel, your loneliness, your missing your family, how she strings you along, etc.
I in no way want to minimise your feelings and do not lack empathy for you but tbh, you created this scenario yourself.
Did you stop to think of the damage you caused your marriage relationship with the viewing of porn, did you stop to think of how your STBXW felt when you chose OW (albeit porn) over her, did you stop to think of the loneliness she felt, the hurt, the betrayal? I don't think so and it is evident you are still thinking all about yourself. Even now you still try to shoulder your STBXW with the responsibility for how you feel, it is not her job to give a damn about you as a person, only in so far as you are the father of the kids, and the faster you get that into your head the better for all concerned.

Your STBXW knows you better than anyone else and probably knows that you are still self centered, still the same man who created the mess. She has to cut you out to protect herself, she is being nice to you for the sake of the kids, the family (we women will put our kids and their happiness before even our own), yet all you can think about is how you feel. The selfishness that led you to do what you did to your STBXW is still very much there and until you weed it out, nothing will change.

I would say it is time to face your weaknesses, acknowledge you destroyed your marriage and family life, you cannot now expect anything from your STBXW. Instead of sinking into the pit of self-pity, pull yourself together and become a better man, a man your kids could be proud of. Leave your wife alone to lick her wounds and do what she needs to do to move on.
 
#71 ·
I find this thread interesting in so much as many of the males on here are telling Andy to get rid of the STBXW, how dare she mess with your mind, your future, string you along, etc.
And the only way you will get "strong enough" is to accept she's done with you and move on. You won't accept it, and it's killing you. She isn't helping you accept it.

If you let her keep stringing you along, it will break you.
You don't want to be friend zoned--- don't let her do that to you.
@aine The males are just calling what they see. As OP described, his wife dated and slept with other men, did cocaine, is very controlling, drinks heavily and smokes weed nearly daily. She is intolerant of any attempts by OP to raise this daughters properly. That said, she is free to end the marriage. Yes, she is manipulating him and knows she is doing it. That is just cruel.

@Evinrude58 post is spot on. Great summary and great advice

Andy, That friendzone spot will kill you. I spent two years there. Don't go there. Please don't go there. I listened to my friend tell me about her dates and the sex she had. It was like a punch in my stomach each time. You cannot be "friends" with your EX. You can be her lover or her EX, not friends.

Please get out of your head that she will not date again. You might start to feel better in a few months, but once you hear from your kids that your wife is dating, you will sink back lower than you are now. You told us your wife already dated MEN when you separated before. Now you will be divorced. Your wife craves attention. She WILL date. I am sorry. That hurts. If she says she has no interest in men, she is either lying or in denial. She will find a new partner. So will you.

We are somewhat alike in our emotions and in our relationships. I wish we could meet at the pub for a few pints and talk. You need friends. Make it a priority to make new friends. You need that.

Are you eating better and working out? We will kept telling you to do that because it is REALLY important.
 
#69 ·
I hear what aine is saying and it's true. I did mess up. I hurt her over a period of time and now she has pulled away. She wants to be happy and free of the worry about us. She can't concentrate on me ATM and just wants me to be a good dad. I have no problem with that because I know how she feels. I am at least glad she is talking to me and we are on friendly terms. She knows how remorsful I am. I own what I put her through. She is well aware that I know what I did to her. I go to therapy..I stopped the porn..I am a better dad, I improved my career. She is proud of me for what I have done and can see that I am a better person....but it doesn't change how she feels right now so she keeps me at a distance but just enough to leave the door open..I hope.

My selfishness as aine puts it, doesn't help me get through each day. I still have to function and live with my guilt for my actions. I will still rationalise what is happening and still look for a solution. I can't help that...I am human but I still love my wife and am learning from my mistakes.

I hope that everything I am doing will make her see me differently at some point. Maybe she already does but is holding back for her own protection. It just kills me to not know if there is a future for us..but I will have to live with that.

People on here mention other men or her dating...she isn't interested. She just wants to be happy with the kids and doesn't see any other guy as a solution. I was the man she invested in and I let her down. Why would anyone else be different?

I just need to get to a place where I am strong enough and confident enough to woo her back. She would spot BS a mile away. Just struggling to get moving....
 
#79 ·
Andy, now you see that, just focus on you, work on yourself, you cannot change her. Be the best man, Dad, friend, employee, etc you can be. No-one knows what the future will hold and what is in store for you. Let her go, in letting her go, you might well one day win her back but for now, she needs to heal as do you. Stop thinking about 'winning her back.' Let it be.
 
#70 ·
And the only way you will get "strong enough" is to accept she's done with you and move on. You won't accept it, and it's killing you. She isn't helping you accept it.

I believe you should have no contact other than what kids require. No chat, no answering texts about in-kid related stuff.
Just do your thing and forget her.

She has filed for divorce. She has gotten you out of the house.

If you let her keep stringing you along, it will break you. If you leave her alone and let her have time to miss you a little, and see what it's like to have you out of her life, she might change her mind--- but that is so rare it's not worth hoping for.

So your thing. Get a friend like your therapist suggested. Of you keep this up, I can guarantee you will be unhappy and she will be completely done.

You don't want to be friend zoned--- don't let her do that to you.

And, aine is right about a lot. But your wife is no angel. But if a woman has a man that won't have sex with her---- that's a problem she will remedy just like a man would.

Yes, she probably is totally untrusting of your changes. Probably the smart thing.

Show her you've changed by moving on and maybe you'll have a chance, or at the same time, you'll be preparing yourself for a new life without her.
She thinks you can't do it, just like you couldn't break the porn addiction. Show her she's wrong about one, maybe she'll feel she might be wrong about both.
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#74 ·
CynthiaDe....I don't discuss her previous behaviour because I don't feel it is relevant anymore. She has changed since then.

But for the record, we separated because again she felt unappreciated and neglected. Porn was not an issue, she had a kind of mid life crisis where she wondered if the grass was greener. It wasn't. Her personality changed, she would dress provocatively and go looking for attention. She wasn't herself. She had issues wich she attempted to solve and although it was difficult watching other men have her, I stayed strong and she realised that she didn't want to loose me to another woman.

The woman I see now, is not the same as back then. She is older and feels less attractive and doesn't want complications in her life. She works hard and looks after the children. She doesn't dress very well anymore and takes little pride in her appearance. She just wants to be a mom and says that no man is going to be a pot of gold. She needs me but can't be married to me so sees the only solution right now for our family is, in time, to be good friends and look out for each other.

That is why I don't think that she is cheating or intends to see anyone else. It's sad to look at her so heart broken. She is just doing what she can to keep some form of family dynamic.

I may be selfish in wanting more but why wouldn't I? She says that I had everything and I get it. I see what I have lost. I want the years of lost intimacy, I want to be the man she says I could have been. It's so hard.

So me or her dating someone else would only hurt our family more. There is no sparkle in her eyes, just an exhausted woman who has to juggle everything on her own. Yes it is her choice and I try and help where I can with the kids but her wanting to date another man? ....no chance.
 
#76 ·
CynthiaDe....I don't discuss her previous behaviour because I don't feel it is relevant anymore. She has changed since then.

But for the record, we separated because again she felt unappreciated and neglected. Porn was not an issue, she had a kind of mid life crisis where she wondered if the grass was greener. It wasn't. Her personality changed, she would dress provocatively and go looking for attention. She wasn't herself. She had issues wich she attempted to solve and although it was difficult watching other men have her, I stayed strong and she realised that she didn't want to loose me to another woman.

The woman I see now, is not the same as back then. She is older and feels less attractive and doesn't want complications in her life. She works hard and looks after the children. She doesn't dress very well anymore and takes little pride in her appearance. She just wants to be a mom and says that no man is going to be a pot of gold. She needs me but can't be married to me so sees the only solution right now for our family is, in time, to be good friends and look out for each other.

That is why I don't think that she is cheating or intends to see anyone else. It's sad to look at her so heart broken. She is just doing what she can to keep some form of family dynamic.

I may be selfish in wanting more but why wouldn't I? She says that I had everything and I get it. I see what I have lost. I want the years of lost intimacy, I want to be the man she says I could have been. It's so hard.

So me or her dating someone else would only hurt our family more. There is no sparkle in her eyes, just an exhausted woman who has to juggle everything on her own. Yes it is her choice and I try and help where I can with the kids but her wanting to date another man? ....no chance.
Sorry Andy but I have to say this. I know you still love your wife and I do not want to disrespect you. But......Your wife was a whoring **** and you took her back. And she has the nerve to say that YOU had it all and You caused you to lose it all? That is a load of crap.

She is going to date other guys. You better learn to accept that.

You are quite a catch yourself. Emotionally you are not ready but there will be many quality woman who will be interested in you if you shed the porn habit.
 
#81 ·
Today my stbx told me that perhaps I need to go and meet someone else. She has not said this before. I was shocked. She says that she only wants to be friends for the sake if the kids and needs space from me as its all too much for her. She again said that she does not want anyone else but that we were not truly happy together. She says that it crushes her for us to all live apart but she couldn't live being unhappy for the rest of her life.

Does she really mean it? Find someone else? She doesn't want me to rely on her for my happiness and wants me to move on.

Am I so wrong to want us all to be a family again? If both if us are not interested in other people what then? Just live alone?

I fixed the garden fence today and took the children out for a few hours. I then asked if I could go back to read my youngest her bedtime story...it was too much for and she refused. That hurt. She now wants to reduce me seeing the kids to 2 evenings in the week as she needs space from me.

I have read co dependant no more and can see I have to detach but god knows how. I wish I could erase her from my brain but I have to see her when I visit the kids. How can I detach without replacing her?
 
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