Re: New here, and feeling hopeless
Thanks for the replies...I have gone back to church, after a 20+ year absence. I pray everyday, but I still get discouraged. I try to let it go...but I can't.
Nice777guy....we lived (I still live there) in a house that his brother owns. I live beside his brother and his wife. The next house is my brother-n-laws's daughter and her fiancee. The next place is my sister-n-laws brother and his wife. The next one is my brother-n-laws son and his wife. There are a couple other family members there also. Now, I met my brother-n-law and all the family before I actually met my husband. We met because I was boarding horses at the barn that his brother owns. I was renting the house that I am in now from his brother before I met my husband. I am very close to his family, my daughter is also. We all have horses and help with my husbands family rodeo shows. This is part of how the family makes their money. My husband cooks for the rodeos, so even though he has left me, he can't fully escape me because we see each other at the events. I have not approached him since 05-18-10. I have not talked to him on the phone since then. We ahve seen each other, and I see him watching me, but we haven't spoken. When he left, he went to his brother's cabin which is 60 miles away in the mountains. He is staying there on the weekends and working out of town during the week. He has been gone since March 19th. He says that we are too different and that we never agree on anything, and my daughter and I are the reason that he doesn't have a home bought or have any money. He says he felt like a paycheck. As far as my health, one of the most visual things was a severe psoriasis episode. I was over 60% covered with plaques, some that were as large as my hand. This is a very painful, debilitating disease. It robs you of any self confidence and you lose your feeling of self worth. I also have the psoriatic version of rheumatoid arthritis. Both of these are auto-immune diseases, in which the body is basically attacking itself. After many tried and failed medications, I am now on Remicade, almost at full dosage, and I have this infused by IV every four weeks. The usual IV infusion rate is every 6 to 8 weeks. I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, osteoarthritis, diabetes, and anxiety problems. There are a few more problems, but I think that is enough to unload right now. I will tell you that during all this I was very depressed. I had no energy, and he constantly was on me about it. I have just in the last few months gotten everything the way it was supposed to be. My labs are good and I have lost 26.5lbs. I am going to continue to lose to see if I can come off of some of these medicines. There has been so much happen between me and my husband. I don't want to run him down, I do love this man. But I feel like in order to understand why I was the way I was, then you have to know more about him.
The main thing is, I need to have people to talk to and help me thru this. People in person can only listen for so long, they have their own problems. I have no family nearby except for his family. I don't have "friends". I am trying to get thru this....I don't like to sound dramatic, but it's so painful. I don't want to cry...I don't want to feel like this. How do you avoid it? What can I do to help him come home?