Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - "I love you deeply, but I'm not in love with you anymore"

questions · 06-04-2010, 06:29 PM

Hi Cru,
I might be a minority or exception here, but I came to this site a month ago for the exact same reason that your wife is claiming to you. I've never cheated on my H and never had any affairs, period. I have a 3-year old DD who means the world to me and whom I would never harm with my own actions. I came here because I was disillusioned about my marriage. My H never cheated to my understanding, and I didn't harbor any resentment toward him. I had so wanted to be in love with my H but I didn't succeed, and after 8 years of marriage, I had given up hopes that I would ever be. Like your W, I honestly wanted to find someone with whom I would be more compatible and be in love.

I'm not sure what your wife's thinking or feeling. Other people here could be right, and she could be having an affair. On the other hand, she could be like myself, just seeking to be happy but not necessarily having an affair. Either case simply indicates to me that she's not happy in her current relationship.

In my own case, I found the inspiration that I needed to turn my own relationship around, and I am happy to report that I'm in love with my H for the first time, finally. The good news is that it could happen, but as you know everyone is different... My husband didn't do anything. He stayed exactly the way he has always been, and I just changed the way I perceived him. It was very important to me to be able to have the open communications with my H throughout this period. It's when I stopped communicating my feelings, needs, etc, that I lost all my feelings toward him. Even though I sometimes refuse to accept, I also know that there are no perfect men out there, and all relationships are what we put into.

The only thing you can do now is giving her safety, room and space to honestly and openly discuss her feelings and thoughts. It's much easier said than done. It will be very hard not to get defensive, take things personally, or become angry when you listen. However, that might be the only way to help her and yourself find out what's really going on and how you can help. She must have taken many years to get where she is now and be totally disillusioned by now, but anything is possible at a given moment. I really hope that you can stay strong and calm. You can choose to focus on building your inner strength rather than things you can't control, such as what she might be feeling or doing now.

I sincerely wish you the best and will send you my prayers!

06-04-2010, 06:29 PM	#8 (permalink)
questions Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 63	Re: "I love you deeply, but I'm not in love with you anymore" Hi Cru, I might be a minority or exception here, but I came to this site a month ago for the exact same reason that your wife is claiming to you. I've never cheated on my H and never had any affairs, period. I have a 3-year old DD who means the world to me and whom I would never harm with my own actions. I came here because I was disillusioned about my marriage. My H never cheated to my understanding, and I didn't harbor any resentment toward him. I had so wanted to be in love with my H but I didn't succeed, and after 8 years of marriage, I had given up hopes that I would ever be. Like your W, I honestly wanted to find someone with whom I would be more compatible and be in love. I'm not sure what your wife's thinking or feeling. Other people here could be right, and she could be having an affair. On the other hand, she could be like myself, just seeking to be happy but not necessarily having an affair. Either case simply indicates to me that she's not happy in her current relationship. In my own case, I found the inspiration that I needed to turn my own relationship around, and I am happy to report that I'm in love with my H for the first time, finally. The good news is that it could happen, but as you know everyone is different... My husband didn't do anything. He stayed exactly the way he has always been, and I just changed the way I perceived him. It was very important to me to be able to have the open communications with my H throughout this period. It's when I stopped communicating my feelings, needs, etc, that I lost all my feelings toward him. Even though I sometimes refuse to accept, I also know that there are no perfect men out there, and all relationships are what we put into. The only thing you can do now is giving her safety, room and space to honestly and openly discuss her feelings and thoughts. It's much easier said than done. It will be very hard not to get defensive, take things personally, or become angry when you listen. However, that might be the only way to help her and yourself find out what's really going on and how you can help. She must have taken many years to get where she is now and be totally disillusioned by now, but anything is possible at a given moment. I really hope that you can stay strong and calm. You can choose to focus on building your inner strength rather than things you can't control, such as what she might be feeling or doing now. I sincerely wish you the best and will send you my prayers!