Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

sisters359 · 06-16-2010, 02:08 PM

I suspect he has turned from you out of shame b/c he cannot father a child, or cannot do so easily. You have, perhaps, become to him a "symbol" of the failure of his "manhood."

Infertility is very hard to accept, because it cuts to the core of what we think it is to be a man or a woman. A man can father a child. A woman can bear and deliver a child. Yet these are the LEAST important parts of parenting--most people do not see that at first. To "father" a child is SO much more than just planting the seed. To "mother" a child is so much more than just pushing the baby out in birth!

Maybe you can talk to him about how he has changed and what YOU think he feels. Maybe I am wrong--but maybe not. Even if at first he does not admit to feeling shame about not being able to make a baby, maybe he will think about it and come to you to talk. It is worth a try.

I'm so sorry you are so sad. It is not "right" or "fair," but we are all imperfect people. If you can find it in your heart to help him through this, great. If he will not let you, maybe you will have to leave.

Good luck and God bless.

06-16-2010, 02:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
sisters359 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: SE Wisconsin Posts: 2,471	Re: Communication problem in marraige I suspect he has turned from you out of shame b/c he cannot father a child, or cannot do so easily. You have, perhaps, become to him a "symbol" of the failure of his "manhood." Infertility is very hard to accept, because it cuts to the core of what we think it is to be a man or a woman. A man can father a child. A woman can bear and deliver a child. Yet these are the LEAST important parts of parenting--most people do not see that at first. To "father" a child is SO much more than just planting the seed. To "mother" a child is so much more than just pushing the baby out in birth! Maybe you can talk to him about how he has changed and what YOU think he feels. Maybe I am wrong--but maybe not. Even if at first he does not admit to feeling shame about not being able to make a baby, maybe he will think about it and come to you to talk. It is worth a try. I'm so sorry you are so sad. It is not "right" or "fair," but we are all imperfect people. If you can find it in your heart to help him through this, great. If he will not let you, maybe you will have to leave. Good luck and God bless.