synonimous_anonymous

There are most certainly parts of our relationship, and why it got to where it is, that is my fault. My wife has said "You've changed and I see that. I know you are doing your best." The mistakes I've made, the presumptions that 'because we were married this and that will be taken care of' are now no longer presumptions. For nearly 2 months I've put in the effort to change my behavior in that respect...at least I think I have and my wife has acknowledge that changes have been made.

I bring up sex perhaps because of kissing. When I first heard my wife say she doesn't feel like she can kiss me that was a blow to my stomach. I tried to get to the root of that but haven't yet. I figured that the better I can make her feel in bed, the more chances are she will feel 'closer' to me and recapture some of those lost feelings and kiss me again. The idea of spending time apart made me think (From my perspective only) that we'd miss each other. I guess thinking harder about it perhaps I'd miss her more and she'd just go on living...

Sex is important. How to get that intimacy back so that we are not just roommates is something I would love. We spent the last couple of years barely having any sex and a lot due to stress of taking care of her mother. I see now that there is more to it and yes I want to fix that. I'm focused on fixing all areas. The areas where I know the answer I can handle on my own, however sex is one area where I don't know the answers and that's why I ask here.

Do you think I treat you well?
I asked her this and she said "Yes." She did add however that there were times I made her really mad. I let her vent. However, she ended it with "But yes, you treat me well."

Do I bother you with things that I do or don't do?
Now, after making some changes her answer is "No." She added "Before all this though, these are some of the things that REALLY bothered me." She had 2 specific issues, both of which are now no longer an issue. It's a matter of whether I can keep it up (I'm sure I can) that will be the challenge.

My wife and I had a few deep conversations. One was "I feel like a flower that is almost all brown, dried up and ready to be tossed out. But there is still a little green left and that flower can be, with the right time and care turn back into a flower." That's how she described her feelings at one time. I asked "If you are the flower, is it possible that I'm the one giving you water and maybe over watering you." As in smothering her. Her answer was no.

I do my best, at least in the last week (It's still just a month from dday) to not wear my feelings on my sleeve. I keep confident and I stay upbeat. Last night I came home, had a glass of wine with my wife. We were both pretty tired and went to bed early. She didn't seem like she was in the happiest of moods, her PMS is hitting her hard and with the rain it makes things even harder for her, but no big mood swings.

I appreciate all the advice. What I hoped for from her most was to see a therapist so she could unleash her feelings (With me there or alone) to someone who could be unbiased and just listen and give her advice that was pro-marriage. I like the idea of getting 'homework' or assignments to work on your marriage. I'm all for building it up to a point where she wants to be intimate and not trying to avoid it. I would love it if we went back to the days where we both looked forward to same days off so we could do whatever we wanted, together.