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Husband looking for preteen porn.

29K views 113 replies 42 participants last post by  4thand11 
#1 ·
I posted a few days ago about my husband not ever wanting sex, and acting uninterested in it. I thought he was cheating, so I put a keylogger on his phone. Today while I was visiting my grandma that just had surgery he searched for "young porn" "preteen porn" and "teen porn" he is 25. When I was 14 and he was 18 (when we first got together) he did look for preteen porn. I asked him why he used his streaming minutes and he said he didn't and I must have by accident. Btw he was looking at it for 30+ minutes. He doesn't last 2 minutes in bed. I didn't tell him about the keylogger. I don't know what websites he visited, or how long this has been going on or how serious it is. I am worried. I have two small children. What do I do?
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#81 ·
The opener is probably an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Look up the difference. An ephebophile is much less dangerous and far more normal and common (think teen (18yr old) porn). My assumption has been that he only briefly looked to see how young he could go but is not actually interested and collecting CHILD porn.. (prepubescent). I bet you he is interested in young teenagers, the age of his wife when he met her. She didnt have any problem with it at the time...

Pedophiles are those attracted to Prepubescent children while ephebophiles are attracted to teenagers after puberty between say 14-18.

Opener really has to find out which one he is... there's a HUUUGE difference in behaviour and psychological profile and this is supported by proper study.

I don't have mental problems Aribabe. It's called an honours education, critical thinking skills and a willingness to broach ANY subject with REASON. This often leaves me susceptible to being brow-beaten by unthinking emotional bowling balls... like you. and FYI I have a wonderful sex life with my wife, not addicted to porn and completely well-adjusted in that area.I personally have no natural sexual interest in women that look younger than a fully matured teenager - say 17, 18 or 19 and up. But Id actually prefer older!! Id pick my wife! lol

But I needed to be the voice of reason here. The world is not as simple as the simple-minded would like it to be so they can process it easier. It's just not. The world is too full of loud dumb people and the smart people are often too quiet.

And remember, insults are the last vestige of the out-argued.
 
#83 ·
The opener is probably an ephebophile, not a pedophile. Look up the difference. An ephebophile is much less dangerous and far more normal and common (think teen (18yr old) porn). My assumption has been that he only briefly looked to see how young he could go but is not actually interested and collecting CHILD porn.. (prepubescent). I bet you he is interested in young teenagers, the age of his wife when he met her. She didnt have any problem with it at the time...

Pedophiles are those attracted to Prepubescent children while ephebophiles are attracted to teenagers after puberty between say 14-18.

Opener really has to find out which one he is... there's a HUUUGE difference in behaviour and psychological profile and this is supported by proper study.

I don't have mental problems Aribabe. It's called an honours education, critical thinking skills and a willingness to broach ANY subject with REASON. This often leaves me susceptible to being brow-beaten by unthinking emotional bowling balls... like you. and FYI I have a wonderful sex life with my wife, not addicted to porn and completely well-adjusted in that area.I personally have no natural sexual interest in women that look younger than a fully matured teenager - say 17, 18 or 19 and up. But Id actually prefer older!! Id pick my wife! lol

But I needed to be the voice of reason here. The world is not as simple as the simple-minded would like it to be so they can process it easier. It's just not. The world is too full of loud dumb people and the smart people are often too quiet.

And remember, insults are the last vestige of the out-argued.
But it is OK for you to insult others?

The Law is the voice of reason not you and viewing child porn is illegal.
 
#82 ·
Waiwera, sex used to revolt the Puritans at any age. I am NOT condoning a girl having sex as soon as she gets her period, but all talk of sex and the appropriateness of it much at least start at a girl's period.

That is just a common sense starting point but of course not neccesarily where one should start. I really didn't think I had to explain that but I guess I do. So for those who want to be "SHOCKED", if you are going to have a discussion about WHEN or at what age sex is appropriate for a girl, then we must start at the onset of her period and move forward to 18, 19, or even 21 for some or maybe older.

One set of rules cannot fit all is my main point and basing your argument on what you "think" rather than having a critical thinking process as well as examining the history of marriage is rediculous if you want to have a serious conversation.

As for anyone who however desires to have sex with, look at, or masturbagte to girls that haven't even had their first period, and maybe in many cases a little afterwards since as you stated some girls get their periods at 10, they are sick and perverted and desire to or are abusing children.

With all of that being said, unlike some of the posters here, I do actually know what the Bible states if in fact we are having a complete moral argument and the Bible does not state at what age a girl should or should not be married. However, it is obvious that any girl who is ready for a life time commitment is ready for sex and marriage.

That age could be for many 20, or so and for others it may very well be 15 or 16 and up, etc. But like my original argument stated, there is not one size to fit all in regards to the prepardness and readiness of a girl to have sex and no State can legislate WHEN that time is.

We can see such an error even in the way people can be married at 15 or 16, but yet the State deems those under 18 as underage and not mature adults.

Lastly, as for those with daughters, I can completely understand your first instinct to be outraged over such a conversation. However, I myself am not talking about rape, pornagraphy, prostitution, etc. but the age at which girls can have sex, desire to have sex, and have the maturity to commit to a life time with someone in marriage.

That was my main argument and still is.
 
#85 ·
she wasnt a child. by definition she wasnt a child. she was 14 .. and he was 18. hardly a man... he was an older boy, not a grown man...

I wasnt interested in 14 yr olds at 18. problem is some 14 yr olds look and act different than others. she could have been a fully developed, clear-headed and mature 14, and he being of the more mentally immature, still-sees-himself-as-a-teen type mentality. You're twisting the history. They could have been at an equal mental footing, especially because the average girl is a year or two ahead of the average boy developmentally (until boys catch up around 16 to 20 yrs old)

Now that he's older and still looking at that age, it is wrong. YES. but you don't know the extent... you're not educated in this. you're not a Dr. (psychiatrist). You dont know whats curable, fixable.

And neither do I. so thats why my suggestion is for her to talk to someone who does. not an internet forum. man alive...

OP. dont listen to me or listen to these people. Talk to experts. Someone with a credible degree and experience in these matters. end of story.
 
#87 ·
I don't know what world you live in where 14 isn't a child, but it is. It's a 7th grader for christs sakes lol.

An 18 year old is a man, a grown man who is on his way to college, with a car and a job. And a man looking to bed a 7th grad child is exhibiting pedophilic behavior and it is consistent with his current pedophilic behavior.

The thing is that at 14 no matter how mature or developed you look or feel, you are NOT fully developed. That's why children have parents to make their decisions for them, because they simply are not fully developed enough mentally to make the best decisions for themselves.

I do know that pedophilia not curable. No credible source will tell you that is curable and the rate of relapse after "treatment" is so high that it's laughable that it's even called treatment.

She absolutely does need to speak with an expert, a person with criminal authority, and she needs to inform that authority that her husband is engaging in illegal acts with child porn. And before she does that, she needs to get her children away from this "man". Before they become victims, if they're not already.
 
#86 ·
I think you mistook the title and post, it says specifically PRETEEN
It is VERY difficult to remain level-headed in this thread, you are trying to be the voice of reason sure but now reading your posts I'm not so sure if you understand the topic at hand - regardless of your intention to be level-headed.

I try to be non-judgemental as much as possible on this forum but there's a line, this is one of them. I understand my anger at all of this can get the better of me especially when I see people defending her husband - that's just fking asking for it. I would have left this thread as it is after my first few posts if it wasn't for this "discussion"

What I've suggested before this discussion got underway was simple, steps to protect her children from this obvious pedophile who I personally believe need to be monitored at the very least... but when people defend her husband... FK THAT If I had a choice I would want them removed from society permanently - but that is my own weakness as I have met many friends who were victims of child abuse and was a victim myself with molestation by my own mother which I just simply don't talk about. I grew up thinking it was normal which fked up my head rather, hence another reason I'm VERY protective of my only child, but nevermind that.

I don't have a credible degree, and I also recommended she talk to experts, but I strongly recommended she take this issue seriously, yet when I hear people trying to defend her husband and think about the possibility of OP being lax about it, of course I'm going to voice out my opinion as outrageous as it may come across, which others have done as well.

Not only are her husband's actions illegal and outright despicable, but it threatens her children. And as I said - look at the title of this thread. We're not talking an 18 yr old with a 17 yr old gf, we're talking an adult looking up CHILD PORN. So why the fk are you defending him?
 
#88 ·
I think you mistook the title and post, it says specifically PRETEEN
It is VERY difficult to remain level-headed in this thread, you are trying to be the voice of reason sure but now reading your posts I'm not so sure if you understand the topic at hand - regardless of your intention to be level-headed.

I try to be non-judgemental as much as possible on this forum but there's a line, this is one of them. I understand my anger at all of this can get the better of me especially when I see people defending her husband - that's just fking asking for it. I would have left this thread as it is after my first few posts if it wasn't for this "discussion"

What I've suggested before this discussion got underway was simple, steps to protect her children from this obvious pedophile who I personally believe need to be monitored at the very least... but when people defend her husband... FK THAT If I had a choice I would want them removed from society permanently - but that is my own weakness as I have met many friends who were victims of child abuse and was a victim myself with molestation by my own mother which I just simply don't talk about. I grew up thinking it was normal which fked up my head rather, hence another reason I'm VERY protective of my only child, but nevermind that.

I don't have a credible degree, and I also recommended she talk to experts, but I strongly recommended she take this issue seriously, yet when I hear people trying to defend her husband and think about the possibility of OP being lax about it, of course I'm going to voice out my opinion as outrageous as it may come across, which others have done as well.

Not only are her husband's actions illegal and outright despicable, but it threatens her children. And as I said - look at the title of this thread. We're not talking an 18 yr old with a 17 yr old gf, we're talking an adult looking up CHILD PORN. So why the fk are you defending him?

Mental issues... I said it previously. It's oh too obvious honestly. There is something deeper going on with HappyHubby, and i don't know what it is but I know it is something.
 
#89 ·
Nice. Another insult. Clearly ignorant. 14 is 9th grade or even 10th grade depending on month of birth and time of year. The fact that you got that wrong has destroyed any credibility you have for any post you will ever make here. I'm out of this thread. Clearly can't have rational debates about difficult subjects on the internet. Waste of energy.

Again, my only opinion that I am sure is right is that she should talk to an expert. Whatever advice they provide, whether it be talk to police or not, is coming from a knowledge base far superior to our own and I would suggest she follow THAT.

The fact that you are taking this off the table as an option shows ignorance.

P.S. I never once defended him looking at preteen porn. I only defended him getting together with his girlfriend when she was 14 and he 18 because demonizing that outright can be a bit ridiculous. I've seen more than few relationships of this age range work out very well, my sister-in-law for one. All my suggestions have been that he has a problem (opposite of defending!) and to get him help (wow im a real psycho hey? ). Assuming he hasn't touched any kids, this is not an injustice no?

P.S.S if anyone touches a kid Im right on board with you. Beat them and lock them up for life.
 
#90 · (Edited)
As if anything about your thinking process would lead me to believe you can determine who or what is credible in any sense lol.

I wasn't 14 in highschool, none of my friends were 14 in highschool, we were all KIDS in middle school at that age. I'm not sure what creepy parent was fine with your sister in law dating a grown man when she was a child. Did he pick her up from the bus stop after school and help her with her homework too?

Here is what I can promise ANY rational authority would say, a "man" who is into children, is a threat to ALL children, including his own. Whether he "gets help" or not doesn't change that fact.

I don't know your life story, or what you've done/has been done to you, HappyHubby. But I do believe it would behoove you to figure out exactly why you think the way you do in regards to child/adult sexual interactions. Because your mental faculties in regards to this topic are frightening. And since it is such a serious topic, to be so lax about it is very concerning. I would imagine a person had to have a very intersting life to rationalize pedophilia... I don't know. I am a victim of childhood sex abuse, I've seen the rationalize hamster at work. And it's scary to see here.


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#94 ·
The age of consent is 16 in the UK. It's there to protect children form being taken advantage of and abused by adults. An 18, 19 year old would likely not be prosecuted for having consensual sex with a 15 year old unless the 15 year old pressed charges.
My son is 16 ( over the age of consent) and his GF is nearly 15, boy has he had it drummed into him that he isn't to lay a finger on her. Even though it would be consenting, she is still too young to be making those kinds of decisions.
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#95 ·
You'll probably think I'm a mess, too, aribabe, because not only do I appreciate Hubby's point, bu at the same time, I've seen firsthand the damage that a bad relationship with such a disparity if age can do.

On that front, my wife's first boyfriend was 17-18 (a high school senior) when she was 14 (I have to agree with Hubby here...14 is generally 9th grade. While this may be housed in a building that says "middle school" or "junior high" in some districts, 9th grade is the freshman year of high school.). At his hands, she was the victim of multiple date rapes and beatings, all of which affected how her relationships have worked throughout her life, and I'm sure you don't need me to spell out that they haven't all been healthy choices.

On the other hand, you're drawing a clear line in the sand where one doesn't necessarily exist. Say, for example, a junior and a freshman start dating at the beginning of the older's junior year. Against all odds of high school romance, they stay together with a flourishing relationship throughout that school year and the next. It seems from your posts that, in such a scenario, you would insist that, upon the older person in the relationship hitting his/her 18th birthday, the couple should break up.

Nothing magical happens on an 18th birthday. There's no thunderbolt with a sudden flash of wisdom and maturity. You're the same person you were as a 17 year old the day before...but, a different set of rules now applies.

My wife's freshman/senior relationship wasn't a good one. Some are. Some (most?) blossom and die in the blink of an eye like most high school romances. For work, I've visited large high schools and small high schools. The student body mixes and mingles, and as a casual observer...I have no clue as to the age or grade level of any of the students. With them all in the mix together, I wouldn't expect them to necessarily check proverbial ID before taking an interest in one another.
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#96 ·
Grayson, you're not a mess. You're just being logical.

This moral question is called the argument of the beard.

One whisker doesn't make a beard. Two doesnt. 3,4,5,6 whiskers on a face don't make a beard. At what number of whiskers on a face would you say they have a beard? 342? why not 341?

It's impossible to say at what specific day,month, year someone is too mature for another one. Does that mean there isn't a point where the change is too great? Of course not. It's a fallacy to think that because a change is gradual that over time a real change hasn't occurred. At some point it is crystal clear the man has a beard.

At some point it's crystal clear the guy's WAY too old for her (say 25 and 14.5 - obviously). But 18 and 0 days? how about 17 and 364 days? or 18 and 2 months?17 and 11 months?

The point is that it's a difficult moral question to set rules by due to the continuity of maturity and differences between individuals.

I wouldn't expect aribabe to understand why I or you would be so rational about it given what she's gone through but I'm rational about EVERYTHING. I take no moral stance on anything BEFORE thinking it through clearly. My morality comes from my logic, not the other way around. The second way is very dangerous in society. Think witch burning - inquisition, holocaust. Those are all situations where people are provided a moral stance and then are forced to rationalize why that stance is correct.

We've really gotten off topic. This was not supposed to be about their relationship at 18 and 14. But its more interesting of a debate because its not as clear-cut as pedophilia which is so clearly wrong that there can be no discussion.
 
#98 ·
I'd even go so far as to say that most of our tastes and preferences for all things - food, music, what we find attractive - are pretty well locked in by our mid to late teens. As we get out into the world, those may broaden, but they still build upon our established preferences. Possibly something traumatic may have "locked" him in earlier; maybe like the kid who will only eat one thing, he's just stayed with the first thing he liked. Maybe he's just a creep.

That said, I stand by my earlier statement to make sure what he's looking at is truly what's being described, or if it's adults playing that part before taking drastic action. If the latter, it still might be a dealbreaker and creepy, but not illegal.
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#99 ·
Listen, he digs young chics, alot of guys do, unfortunately. I mean he was 18 and you totally underage when you got together. 18 is too old for a 14 year old. He clearly has a thing for younger women. So, he is probably looking up teen porn, which exists as a catagory on porn sites. This is not illegal and most of the girls are like 25, it seems. It is not illegal to look at teen porn, so make sure, 100 percent that he is looking up pre-teen porn or kiddie porn. Be absolutely sure. I mean there is a reason "teen" porn is on all porn sites... guys did young chics. Supply/demand. But, if you find that his search terms are pre-teen or something else, you need to get out and get out fast. This does not mean he is going to harm his own kids, he is just a pervert. But, I would not take any chances, I would leave and leave quickly. He is probably immature and may never appreciate a woman his own age. So, when you are 45 and he is 50, he still may be looking at teen porn. Is that what you want to be with?
 
#100 ·
Listen, he digs young chics, alot of guys do, unfortunately. I mean he was 18 and you totally underage when you got together. 18 is too old for a 14 year old. He clearly has a thing for younger women. So, he is probably looking up teen porn, which exists as a catagory on porn sites. This is not illegal and most of the girls are like 25, it seems. It is not illegal to look at teen porn, so make sure, 100 percent that he is looking up pre-teen porn or kiddie porn. Be absolutely sure. I mean there is a reason "teen" porn is on all porn sites... guys did young chics. Supply/demand. But, if you find that his search terms are pre-teen or something else, you need to get out and get out fast. This does not mean he is going to harm his own kids, he is just a pervert. But, I would not take any chances, I would leave and leave quickly. He is probably immature and may never appreciate a woman his own age. So, when you are 45 and he is 50, he still may be looking at teen porn. Is that what you want to be with?
Totally. It's much less likely that this guy is a pedophile than that he's like the majority of men who are attracted to YOUNG HOT GIRLS. 18, 16...14 is getting creepy, but nowadays there are a lot of young teenagers who LOOK like fully developed women. If this is so weird why (as this poster said) are there entire categories on legal porn sites for teen girls? And they aren't really teenagers anyway. They're just young looking and the taboo turns people on.

Men are genetically programmed to look for young, fertile women. I think my husband find me attractive, but I'm not dumb enough to think that if he sees a hot 16 year old in a bikini he's not going to look.
 
#101 ·
And, actually, women are designed to look for young, healthy sperm, but you don't see us checking out young, hot guys on porn... well, uh, maybe like 25 years old, but younger than that is just too young. I mean look at all these 30 something or older teachers going after their 16 year old students. Must be something. Does it make it okay? No.

Men are men, but you need to make sure it is not pre-teen. You are entering a whole new realm there; a sick realm. Also, if he just checks it out every once in awhile and that is okay with you, then okay. If he is addicted, then that is another issue.

The mere fact you are writing about it means you have an issue with it, so confront him about it and see what happens. I am going to guess he will get defensive.

Ascertain if he digs really young girls or the occassional teen porn. BE CAREFUL! Remember, he chose you when you were VERY underage!
 
#102 ·
This entire thread is an epic fail.

Any man who is programmed to look at PRE TEEN girls for sexual reproductive purposes needs to have his " programme" re-written.

PRE TEEN means 12 yrs downwards.
What is so sexually alluring and attractive about a 12 , 11 or 10 year old girl?
What about 18 , 19 , 20- something year olds?
Logically, that age seems to be prime.

So how come women are not programmed to want to mate with 9 and 10 yr old boys?
Sounds like there is some sort of virus or malicious script in that programme to me.
 
#104 ·
Unfortunately you are going to have to come clean and bring this to the authorities, so that it can be recorded. Maybe not to ruin him, but at least so it can be validated and used to make sure you get sole custody.

While I highly doubt he has acted inappropriately towards your children, this is because they are too young. Most people with sexual issues such as this have a "type" they look for. IF this is why he connected with you when you were so young... your children are going to look like you. They will be 14 someday.

I would be more concerned that he may have abused either a family member or someone else close to the family (neighbour, friend's daughter, etc) that meets his type.

THERE IS ALSO THE CHANCE that he has not progressed past the "fantasy" phase. Yet. Eventually, a precipitating stressor, an opportunity, or the fantasy not staving off the urges he has will happen. Then he will act on his feelings.

I hate to give bad news, but a very large percentage of sexual predators never change.
 
#109 ·
The replies to this thread are terrifying. The law is the law and it exists for a reason: to prevent kids from being abused. This stuff pops up on every corner of the internet. I agree and understand that it is a mental health issue as much as it is a criminal issue, but its a crime regardless.

I hope OP consulted a lawyer and got help for her family. If you view CP please find help.
 
#113 ·
Pre-teen is big no/no because that means it can get REALLY young.

But I am curious, does anyone think a man is just as guilty for finding a nearly fully developed 14-17 year old attractive as another man is guilty for finding a 6 or 7 year old attractive?

I for one, think there is a MASSIVE difference between the two, but society tends to lump them together. Remember, sex at 18 is just the law, and women at 14 and 15 produce the healthiest offspring. By natures law we are supposed to start breeding at that age. Obviously for our society it is much better to wait, however.
 
#114 · (Edited)
Of course there is a difference. Age 18 is an arbitrary legal number. For example if a 19 year old male has consensual sex with a 17 year old female, it can legally be rape in some places. Fairly ridiculous from a common sense point of view.

It is just a social norm, in other cultures/times men marry/married 14 year old girls or younger all the time. Biologically a 14/15 year old could bear children to work the farm etc., and in olden times that was the main concern. Younger meant more years of fertile childbearing which meant more workers for the farm.

That is not to say I condone it, only that saying a girl magically gets mature from one day to the next when she turns a certain age like 18, is silly.

As for the OP what he did is wrong but I think we need to keep in mind that sexual fantasies about young women are quite standard in many men. That does not mean he should be actively looking for underage porn.

There are a lot of legal porn sites that cater to this common male fantasy ("Barely 18", "Barely legal", etc.), Often the women in those videos are well into their 20s but they are dressed/made up in a juvenile fashion - because that is the fantasy. Nothing wrong with it, until it crosses the line into looking at or seeking out actual underage girls, which is clearly wrong.
 
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