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Do men like drama, calm or somewhere in between?

12K views 47 replies 32 participants last post by  southbound 
#1 ·
I'd like to read about men's experiences when dealing with women.

I used to hear a lot that men prefer stability, but then I see situations in which the guy seems to like that edgy woman.

In my situation, I am amazed with my fiance's EA and how she asked about me a lot.... I was told that asking about the "competition" showed insecurity and therefore unattractive...... but some of the other things that she would say to him...... hmmmm.


and my ex husband seemed to favor edgy women as well.....

tell me about a situation in which you were had a relationship with a edgy women ---whether for a few months or a few years ---- what was he giving you that made you want to put up with this edginess?
 
#2 ·
When you are young ... late teens, early 20's, who knows even mid - 20's.... the girl with the edge, you felt accomplished because alot of guys would avoid them, because they didn't want to be bothered with the drama that came with. And also, some of these "edgier" women would be amazing in bed, its hard to explain, but their edginess did not stop out side the bedroom. So you knew, if nothing else, you going to be engaged in some amazing s3x.

Me personally... that get's old fast. These women...are not "wife" material to me. I don't have time for drama, i like calmness, stability, peace and quiet in regards to a wife. Give me regular s3x from my calm wife, then amazing s#x from a woman i can barely stand any day.
 
#24 ·
Certain personality types are more edgy by their very nature... I am edgy ....my husband is not so much. But this works for us.....I adore the calm romantic gentleman, he likes the more assertive feisty type female...who can pull his chain now & then....He aims to please and I aim to shake things up from time to time. I mean this in an GOOD way/ it has entertainment value....

Yeah ...I've started a # of conflicts over the stupidest things...some end up being so damn funny, we wouldn't even take them back... we start laughing wildly..... then melt into each other ...on to some HOT make Up sex.... Can I call this part of our chemistry ....

If I get too Hot headed over something that pi$$es me off (happens from time to time)....he knows just how to handle me, he almost finds it amusing being as naturally calm as he is....he'll stand there & make Great fun of me .... he might tell me I need valium or something & I know he is right !@#$ He always gets me or wanting to punch him ....then he'll grab me -- it's just priceless really.

If I was with a man who couldn't stand a woman getting a little HOT now & then emotionally, he may FLAME me in a BAD way.



I thrive on dissecting Drama... so I am not necessarily a DRAMA maker... Love bringing 2 people back in harmony for the romance to flow again. (including us !)

So the pursuit to dig a little, stir the hormones, Banter lively & PLAY....this is my edginess...outside of a few heated moments where I may blow my top in irritation...& there he is ...my calming balm.

They say women want MEN who are EDGY....this is an allure that holds our attraction....did a thread on that....

I'd assume a man who can handle a little of this in a woman ..but has the art & ability to calm her jets is going to have more "excitement" in his marriage/ likely the bedroom too!

But if she walks all over him, is a motor mouth, complains nonstop, manufactures daily chaos & can't see her own hand in it....ya know ...that's some BAD DRAMA going on...would = miserable to live with.
....
If my husband was with a calm well contained wall flower... yeah....that would be pretty darn uneventful for him.... he needs my type to rile him up once in a while.
 
#7 ·
I'm married to an edgy woman and it's definitely a rollercoaster ride for me. We fought just last night about her need for drama, drama, drama, which to her signals that we still have passion for each other. She took a day off last week and spent it fighting with me rather than us doing what we planned, which to her was a great use of the day.

I want and need calm, at least most of the time. She can have her drama, but then she needs to take a day off. If her A has any silver lining, it's that I've learned I can live without her and she knows this. I've made it clear that I will D if necessary if things don't get better, and part of that is her not being "edgy" 24/7. I'm sure mine is an extreme case though.
 
#8 ·
IMO, drama only becomes drama through lack of boundaries and / or communication. Making people accountable for their own behaviour can cut down on the amount of drama they're likely to create in the future.
 
#9 ·
I don't think I understand what "drama" means. I may never have. I always thought of drama as the normal things which cause distress between two people in a relationship. I don't mean just marriage relationships. I'm thinking along the lines of parent/child, sibling disagreements, relationships with old girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. I guess I am thinking of the normal things which we all have to confront in everyday life. They get multiplied by two in marriage. Is that what you are talking about?
 
#25 ·
i suppose people have different definitions of drama in life. For me, it's not the "normal" things that happen in everyday life, even though some may be stressful. When i think of people who are drama, I think of people who "always" have something going on or an issue to deal with; in my opinion, they make mountains of molehills. It's usually created by the "attitude" they display toward something. My x-inlaws were like that. they could have more drama in 6 months than I could have in an entire lifetime, seriously.

It's people that can take even ordinary situations and have issues. Some people can have a plumber over, and i assure you there will be something that can cause drama. I always wonder, why does this stuff never happen to me? How is it i associate with other people, drive my car, go to the stores, etc., and I rarely have any drama.

Some people have so much drama that they milk the issues quickly and move on. My x-inlaws had the police come by their house one time because someone had reported their child as a missing person. It was cleared up fairly quickly, but there was some investigating that had to be done. They have so much drama in their lives that they milked it about a week and then never mentioned it again, because more drama moved in to take it's place. If that had happened to my family, it would have been an event of a lifetime because we don't have drama.

there was a woman asked to sit by me at a luch table the other day because she needed to get away from the people at her other table. I asked why, and with a bug-eyed look she said because they were trying to run her life and she was tired of it. I thought, I wonder why nobody is trying to rule my life an causing me to move tables? I wondered what her contribution to the situation was.

I may have been scattered in my explanation because drama can be expressed in various ways, but as for me, I like calm. I'm not looking for drama.
 
#10 ·
You can do dramatic things like push through a blizzard together, fighting the elements together and making it home alive. Making the olympic team.

But when you have a toxic woman who makes getting up in the morning a crisis by shaking you out of a dead sleep screaming about something before you have had coffee, it is time for the strychnine solution.
 
#12 ·
Your first paragraph is full of life. Trying to work together toward marital and personal goals is filled with drama. Much of it is inherent to attempting to meet the goals. That is the stuff of life and I think unavoidable in whole.
 
#16 ·
It kind of forces you to look at reality. The woman you are with depends on you for her very life and you depend on her.

Yes, arguing is not going to help you stay alive in -30 degree weather. It will only cause death to come more quickly.

Arguing is an essential part of life. We all argue. As long as healthy rules are followed, there is nothing wrong with arguing your point. There is only something wrong if you don't.

I assume you do not mean screaming and name calling when you say arguing. Screaming and name calling is not what I consider arguing.
 
#18 ·
Well, I am a fan of being somewhere in between because I hate complacency. In fact, I hate it so much that I love it sometimes just to not get complacent about my hate of complacency. Crazy, yes? That's whay I'm writing from an insane asylum.

Okay. Got that little piece of stand-up off my chest.

I don't hate drama. It's a part of life. Without it, life could get pretty boring. On the other hand, if your whole relationship is based just on it, you can get too stressed out. Relationships are supposed to be comfortable, as well as passionate, exhilarating etc. Too much drama=too little comfort.
 
#20 · (Edited)
I reckon a lot of girls thrive on drama . They seem to like the tiniest thing to be talked inside out just for conversation.

Give ya one example.
I smoke right , again . Given up 3 or 4 times but the point is , buying smokes from women in a shop as compared to a guy.
I can promise you , every time it's a female , I have to repeat and walk through with them what I want 3-4 times from the firt ask , all the way to them getting the damn smokes out of the shelf and onto the damn counter to paying.
EVERY TIME . I hate buying smokes from women.
Where as if it's a guy , I'll just say can I have a packet of such and such , bang they're on the counter , price , outa there.
Every time.
So why do the women ask you step by step through the whole big fkg saga of buying a packet of ciggs , dunno but I reckon it's just anything to talk more.

I've also noticed this same thing with many other things when dealing with women. They seem to push for even just repeating something yet they have very sharp hearing. So what else could the unnecessary bs be ?

Edgy , depends in what way . Idiot edgy I can't stand , like this ex gf . Totally unnerved me.
A little edgy though works with me , kinda like it.
 
#21 ·
Maybe they are hoping you will talk about something besides cigs. I've had women ask things they know the answer to just to find out if I was interested enough to strike up a conversation. Of course, maybe they just have something else on their mind and aren't concentrating. You won't know unless you talk more and that is your choice.
 
#23 ·
My wife is not edgy, she is not a drama queen, she is emotionally healthy. I love that about her. She is very low maintenance. That is not to say that she is a pushover. She has a strong personality; she is not afraid to let me know when she disagrees or when I have screwed up. She usually does this in a calm, non-combative way. We have learned in our 40 years of marriage how to communicate without getting personal. There is no way I would want to be with someone who was a drama queen.
 
#26 ·
Southbound said: For me, it's not the "normal" things that happen in everyday life, even though some may be stressful. When i think of people who are drama, I think of people who "always" have something going on or an issue to deal with; in my opinion, they make mountains of molehills. It's usually created by the "attitude" they display toward something. My x-inlaws were like that.
My family on my Mothers side oozed alot of what I call unnecessary Drama...Oh it was LIVELY... sometimes good...then if too much time together....it'd hit the BAD.... I remember them on Holidays...sitting around the table yakking...we had the Religious Aunt who had to correct everyone who spoke something against the Bible...a little sermon coming our way....then we had my younger Aunt...the free spirited sassy one.. she'd tell her big sister what for. This led to some heated back & forths..

We had my Uncle & Grandpa who just ignored all the women jamming on their guitars...at least some music filled the background (nice memories there)... My Mom -she had her moments- kinda was caught in between the 2 Aunts, could see both sides... then my Grandma couldn't take it and would take off leaving the house, she did this once on Christmas day ...... Even as a young girl I thought to myself.. .they are all Freaking NUTS... I don't want to be like this.. How embarrassing.

I distinctly remember them all ranting how their cousins would buy them gifts for christmas & they HATED this -like lividly cause then they felt OBLIGATED to buy for them... I was probably only 10...already dissecting how to fix this so I wouldn't have to hear all this ridiculousness over presents for God's sake. I told them all to just stop buying for them, no one wants Obligated giving with an inward SCOWL anyway... then they will stop buying for you.. Wallah ...

We can't help who our family is.. but we can try to learn from some of their behaviors how to not stir the Drama POT...to the point of unhealthy irritation.
 
#27 ·
Good examples of drama. I wouldn't describe my family as sophisticated, we were just country people, but I suppose i was taught by actions that adults should act very mature and not make big deals of gifts and such. I actually wasn't around people who were very dramatic when i was growing up. Being around these types of people as an adult drives me insane.

I'm not a psychologists, but i think some people actually thrive on being dramatic, even though they might not admit or realize it. It makes them feel alive to turn a paper-cut into a trip to the ER rather than putting a band-aid on it and continuing with their day, so to speak.
 
#36 ·
Yes, I believe "look at me" is the purpose of it, and the ways they get there is exhausting to people around them. I don't think drama people actually realize it to a degree. I didn't grow up thinking my family was necessarily "calm," I just thought we were normal. By the same token, when someone grows up in a drama family, they just think it's a normal lifestyle. Whew! Drama drives me insane!
 
#37 ·
A thought just occurred to me. Do the men regularly on TAM like drama? Not trying to derail this thread. I just thought it is something to think about.
 
#39 ·
Calm... but of course that is just the way my life happens to be with my wife and I am goo with it. If I found myself single again (and with my boys here with me), definitely have to be calm, very very calm. My oldest ASD boys provides enough drama to last two lifetimes.
 
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