Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

MissingHer · 06-30-2010, 03:03 PM

BACKGROUND: Wife left, had an EA with a guy at work. There's a lot more to it but that's the jist of it.

With the holiday weekend coming up, I am making plans to enjoy Saturday at a park during the afternoon leading up to fireworks that night. For the past few years, it has been my wife and I, our kids and our parents along with some friends partaking in this annual event. Being that my wife and I have been separated for over three months, I had planned on it just being me and the kids and my parents...and whatever friends show up.

Yesterday I get an e-mail from my wife saying my mom invited her parents to come to the park. And of course her parents wanted her (my wife) there. She asked me if that would be okay.

No way. I told her I didn't think it was the best idea.

Before you judge me, let me tell you that I have gone to a counselor and have worked very hard to get to this point in the separation where I'm not hurting when I wake up in the morning and I'm not thinking about what she's doing 24/7. I hated life just a couple months ago and now I feel like I'm finally okay with whatever happens to me. Do I want to have to see the woman who caused me so much pain in a social setting so we can act like nothing is wrong? I don't want that.

I've told myself from the beginning of this split that I will not be friends with her. I can act cordial with her, especially in front of the kids. But I don't need to hang out with her. The only way I would think about doing something like this is if she came up to me and said she would like to start working on the relationship. And even then it would take a lot of convincing on her part. She has told me things like "there is no us anymore" and "I hope you find someone."

Am I being too stubborn? I feel like the only way to stay in the mood that I'm in is to live the life I was handed and make the best of it. I know both of our parents want us to work things out so maybe I should just tell them something my wife told me when I was hurting emotionally:

"This will be a lot easier on you if you just get to where I am."

I don't know where "you are" now but I'll be at the park drinking a beer and having fun with my kids.

Happy Birthday America!

06-30-2010, 03:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
MissingHer Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 21	Hanging out with your stbx? BACKGROUND: Wife left, had an EA with a guy at work. There's a lot more to it but that's the jist of it. With the holiday weekend coming up, I am making plans to enjoy Saturday at a park during the afternoon leading up to fireworks that night. For the past few years, it has been my wife and I, our kids and our parents along with some friends partaking in this annual event. Being that my wife and I have been separated for over three months, I had planned on it just being me and the kids and my parents...and whatever friends show up. Yesterday I get an e-mail from my wife saying my mom invited her parents to come to the park. And of course her parents wanted her (my wife) there. She asked me if that would be okay. No way. I told her I didn't think it was the best idea. Before you judge me, let me tell you that I have gone to a counselor and have worked very hard to get to this point in the separation where I'm not hurting when I wake up in the morning and I'm not thinking about what she's doing 24/7. I hated life just a couple months ago and now I feel like I'm finally okay with whatever happens to me. Do I want to have to see the woman who caused me so much pain in a social setting so we can act like nothing is wrong? I don't want that. I've told myself from the beginning of this split that I will not be friends with her. I can act cordial with her, especially in front of the kids. But I don't need to hang out with her. The only way I would think about doing something like this is if she came up to me and said she would like to start working on the relationship. And even then it would take a lot of convincing on her part. She has told me things like "there is no us anymore" and "I hope you find someone." Am I being too stubborn? I feel like the only way to stay in the mood that I'm in is to live the life I was handed and make the best of it. I know both of our parents want us to work things out so maybe I should just tell them something my wife told me when I was hurting emotionally: "This will be a lot easier on you if you just get to where I am." I don't know where "you are" now but I'll be at the park drinking a beer and having fun with my kids. Happy Birthday America!