| | 2 1/2 years later..Still angry
Little history..I found out 2 1/2 years ago about my husband's 3 year affair with a co-worker. First year & 1/2 it was an emotional affair that finally turned into a physical affair. Within the same week I got the call from the hospice nurse that it was time to call the family in and that Mom only had days left to live. So I was reeling from just finding out my husband of 24 years had been cheating on me to my Mom. My husband went with me to my Mom's to stay and neither he or the OW had the respect or decency to not call each other or text. So not only was I dealing with Mom's dying but also having to deal with my husband using ever excuse he could to run off to call or text her. The affair continue for 5 months after I found out and it took an additional 2 months for my husband to throw away the gifts she had bought him and to say I love you and start the healing process.To make a rather long story short....
Typical or not so typical I took up drinking to drown the anger inside of me. I wasn't suppose to let it out. I was allowed to let the pain and sadness out. I could cry and talk about the pain of the affair and he'd tell me and he's proven over and over again that he is sorry. I trust him never to cheat on me again. But for 2 years I've held all the resentment, anger inside. Only twice in the last 2 years did I really let that anger out and it was within the first couple of months of finding about the affair. I got punished for it, by him returning to her, so I learned real quick not to let my anger show. It's come out in little spurts every now and then and I always end of apologizing and shoving it back down into the angry black hole in my heart.
But inside of me is this very angry, resentful woman that can't or won't forgive. Unfortunately last night I had way to much to drink, and all the anger & resentment came pouring out. I said a lot of hateful, mean angry words, and I meant them. I had been keeping those words bottle up inside of me for 2 years. So today I'm getting the silent treatment and being punished again for being angry. I'm tired and no longer want to do this. I wonder if there is any saving this marriage? I know I need to let go of the anger and resentment, I just don't know how!