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LuvMyH · 07-04-2010, 05:15 PM

I think in just about every case of infidelity the the betrayed spouse is left with those little details of the affair that can drive them crazy. The things their spouses did that were so blatantly wrong and when those details are remembered and dwelled upon, the anger and resentment flourishes.
I've heard people say to imagine yourself putting those thoughts in a box and locking it. That can be helpful. A few weeks ago, on a morning radio show I listen to, I heard a woman say that not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. That was a pretty big "Aha" moment for me. In my case, the unhealthy anger and resentment was directed at the OW, but maybe it could be useful for you,too.
I wonder if you're getting the silent treatment because he's wondering if he will ever truly be forgiven. Yes, what he did was terrible, but you chose to stay with him and save your marriage. In all the articles I've read on the subject, they tell you the affair cannot be brought up in anger or used during a disagreement. It's just one of the rules, ya know?
As for the drinking, in the first few months of discovery, I found it difficult to imbibe and stay in control of my anger and emotions. And just imagine what goes through the spouses mind when they think things are looking up and they just want to relax and have a couple drinks with their loved one and suddenly that person let's loose with pent up rage. I remember seeing how hurt my husband was and feeling even worse than I did before.
I'm no expert, but maybe you should let your husband know that the things you've said really come from a place of pain more than anger and don't apologize for your feelings, but for the way they were expressed.
The fact that you trust him not to cheat again is huge. In my opinion, that's what matters most. The two of you are doing something right if you've reached that point. Focus on that and try not to let those pesky details of the past bog you down. Do some venting here, if you need to. Most of the people here can totally relate. Best wishes!
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07-04-2010, 05:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
LuvMyH Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 201	Re: 2 1/2 years later..Still angry I think in just about every case of infidelity the the betrayed spouse is left with those little details of the affair that can drive them crazy. The things their spouses did that were so blatantly wrong and when those details are remembered and dwelled upon, the anger and resentment flourishes. I've heard people say to imagine yourself putting those thoughts in a box and locking it. That can be helpful. A few weeks ago, on a morning radio show I listen to, I heard a woman say that not forgiving someone is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. That was a pretty big "Aha" moment for me. In my case, the unhealthy anger and resentment was directed at the OW, but maybe it could be useful for you,too. I wonder if you're getting the silent treatment because he's wondering if he will ever truly be forgiven. Yes, what he did was terrible, but you chose to stay with him and save your marriage. In all the articles I've read on the subject, they tell you the affair cannot be brought up in anger or used during a disagreement. It's just one of the rules, ya know? As for the drinking, in the first few months of discovery, I found it difficult to imbibe and stay in control of my anger and emotions. And just imagine what goes through the spouses mind when they think things are looking up and they just want to relax and have a couple drinks with their loved one and suddenly that person let's loose with pent up rage. I remember seeing how hurt my husband was and feeling even worse than I did before. I'm no expert, but maybe you should let your husband know that the things you've said really come from a place of pain more than anger and don't apologize for your feelings, but for the way they were expressed. The fact that you trust him not to cheat again is huge. In my opinion, that's what matters most. The two of you are doing something right if you've reached that point. Focus on that and try not to let those pesky details of the past bog you down. Do some venting here, if you need to. Most of the people here can totally relate. Best wishes! Posted via Mobile Device