You definitely need to go to a marriage counselor, it will help so much. Does either of your companies have an EAP? That is free. That's what we did. In our situation, we only needed a couple sessions, the therapist thought we had made huge strides on our own.
In fact, the other night we had one of our biggest fights since the affair. Over something silly. and it was the first time I had EVER brought up the A during a fight, since I know that's a big no-no. He was angry at me for blowing "everything" out of proportion - making a big deal out of things that weren't. Which, in the case of what we were fighting about, he was right. (hate it when that happens
) However, I had to throw back that everything to him was "no big deal." I proceeded to list things that were no big deal to him......including sleeping with my friend. Not a proud moment.
We're fine now. I aplogized but I did express that sometimes he just needs to let me be mad, even it it's about something stupid. I have never really gotten MAD about the A. Never screamed, yelled, got mad, etc. Got very upset but not the other. So, I just told him he needs to give me a little lee-way there if he could. Just let me be mad about something stupid. When he doesn't retaliate back with anger and just lets me be. I get over it very quickly and realize it was stupid and will apologize. Otherwise it turns into that vicious cycle of resentment that got us here in the first place.