Stefhunny

RUN RUN as fast as you can. I do not believe in divorce and never have...however I never knew their was such thing as a porno addict and I married one. I don't even know myself anymore, my husbands selfish needs have destroyed my self esteem and everything I thought I knew about myself and now I am at the point in my life where I don't even know who I am. I have always been told my whole life that I was beautiful. I am very thin, tall, long long hair, pretty face. I have had at least two men fighting over me my whole life and I end up with the one man who doesn't think I am all that great. When I first met him I was very confident with how I looked, enough to not even care that he owned a few pornos...until I found out how much they meant to him. I am a little freak, would have never even cared and I have even watched them with him a couple times but now I cry when there are even boobs in a rated R movie. There is nothing he could think of sexually that I wouldn't do to him and he knows it. When we first moved in with each other I was on my way to work and jumped him and had what I thought was amazing sex and then left. Got to the car and forgot my keys, came back in and he was jacking off to a porno in our room with the door locked and my oldest son in the other room RIGHT after being with me and he can NEVER go two times in a row with me...EVER. I made him get rid of all the movies...then the internet thing started so I tuned it off and just did without my computer for a year. It got worse and worse. It got to the point where I begged him to stop, questioned MY sanity, threatened to take the kids and leave him. He never did stop but told me he did every time until he was caught again, and there was a year that I turned off the internet and THOUGHT he stopped and that is the only year in our wole marriage that I thought everything was going to be ok, I just thought the sex slowed down...then I found the magazines. OH the magazines...they were in his friggin' work truck full of women with HUGE abnormally large breasts with pages stuck together...Did I leave him...NO, I went out and got big old fake jugs put in because that was my husbands fantasy. I thought hey, it's not me it's just my small tits.. Problem solved right? Wrong, we lived in Las Vegas so you can guess what happened next. I put a tracking device in his truck and found out about the titty bars he was at while at "work". We ended up moving out of state because everytime he would leave for work I just got more depressed. Now here I am, in my 20's, with big fake boobs, I look better then ANY of the girls in his magazines and he is still sneaking and playing with himself to the internet. I am depressed to the point that I don't even wake up some days, the sex is horrible to me now...I feel like I am in a nighmare that you think your naked in public everytime I have to even get dressed in front of him. It is over. This has ruined our life and the only reason I stay is for the kids. His addiction has caused me to fall out of love with him and that is something I can never fix. I can't even look at him, he does nothing but lie to me about any and everything and when I want to have sex with him which is usually once a week he acts like I am MAKING him and calls me a horney little ****. Good Luck, hope it all works out but from what I can see is it will never stop, if your not ok with it then they will just do it behind your back and the lying hurts more then everything else.