Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Red flags in Marriage - time to end?
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post #12 of (permalink) Old 10-20-2016, 06:18 PM
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,034
Re: Red flags in Marriage - time to end?

Originally Posted by Bee4Shine View Post
She obviously is not happy with the way things are and loves you and wants to be with you. But there is something strange going on. My husband knows where I am at all times, who I am with and exactly what I am doing. I know where he is at all times. It is a matter of respect. Transparency. Desire to always be loyal and faithful. You can have that too, but you need to let her know that is what you expect. You have lost trust. I am sorry about that, but it is a fact now and she needs to understand that once trust is lost, it has to be built back. Often that happens through great accountability and really good boundaries. (i.e.: She wants you to put a tracker on her phone so that you KNOW where she is. She calls you every time she is out and puts it on speaker so that the person she is with can say hi as well, she limits the "going out" for the time being to prove that you are more important than anything in her life).

Basically her actions need to back up her words and her commitment. Which i think is what you are struggling with now - they don't.

My husband and I talk alot about "hedges" around our marriage. These protect our marriage from things intentional and unintentional conscious and unconscious that may impact our relationship. He NEVER goes out with a woman alone. I NEVER go out with a man alone. It doesn't even matter how good of friends we are. it doesn't matter if the woman is his boss. He doesn't go and he is respected for it. When he is not home, I never let another man in the door. I will go out side and chat or talk, but never inside. We know each other's passwords on all devices - complete transparency. These are all hedges and they protect us and give us such a great trust and unity. I hope you can get to that point with your wife for the sake of you, her and the kids.
That's incredible that you and your husband have such boundaries to protect your marriage and foster trust and respect.
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