Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife still cheating. I just filed for D
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 12:59 AM
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,330
Re: Wife still cheating. I just filed for D

Originally Posted by collin8550 View Post
Found out about my wifes affair a few months ago. She left and then we decided to try recovery after a week and she moved back home. I improved a lot but she started back contacting her affair partner and sneaking around.

I surprised her on the day before thanksgiving by informing her I filed for divorce a couple weeks prior and was moving out the next morning. I told her I didn't want to have any contact with her and she could keep the kids a week and I would keep them a week. They are 3 and 5 years old. I told her that if she eventually wants to end the affair and try a real recovery, to let me know. But for the meantime I want no contact at all.

When I told her I was leaving and the following morning, she was crying and saying she just wanted time to end the affair on her own. I told her it doesn't work that way. I wasn't mean or anything, but told her its too late and my decision is final.

I still have a few things to get from the house, so she caught me yesterday. She was saying all kind of things like from wanting me to stay at home with kids for Christmas and special events to us being "roommates". She asked if I was going to go out partying and stuff and sleep with other people. I told her I cant sleep with anyone until I heal from her affair. She then asked if we could have sex, but I told her no.

She texted me a few more times that evening. But I told her I didn't want to talk and that I was going to block her if she kept texting me. She texted me a picture of a marriage book I tried to get her to read the past few months, to let me know she was finally reading it.

She is acting like she is improving all the things I complained about, but she still has never mentioned ending the affair. I guess she wants me to continue being a babysitter and financial support so she can continue texting her affair partner everyday. She wants us to work on the marriage while she talks to him everyday, thinking she will eventually like me better and be able to quit him for good.

So what should I do? The first day or two when I told her I was leaving, I felt good. Like I was free and she would finally see how hard life is without me. But since I broke my no contact with her, I am depressed a little today and thinking about going back home. Its going to really be sad tomorrow when she takes the kids for a week and I am alone.

Should I go completely dark with no contact, or talk a little when she contacts me? I told her I will work on the marriage one day if she ends the affair and if she doesn't, I will already be well on my way to a new and better life.
She will have to completely break it with him, also you're setting yourself up for a split when she hits 50ish and "falls out of love with you".

Probably best advice; walk away she's obviously not confronting your needs regarding the affair, whatever you do don't be flexible about "babysitting" your time with your kids is family time so keep it regular if she wants you to "babysit" only do so on permanent change to the rules, do not under any circumstances lend her money, and make sure all your bank accounts/loans/cc are separate. THEN do what is best for the kids - they're the only victims here (you 2 are both adults, so its up to you to be best rolemodel that you can for them)

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