Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

holdingtwenty · 07-27-2010, 11:10 PM

I hope some of you can give me advice and insight. My wife and I have lived together for 19 years (15 married). We are in our 40s. I am retired 3 years and my wife does not work. We have no children. We stay in florida for the winter at her parents empty house. Over the last year our 18 and 16-year-old dogs have passed away. My wife always tells me our life is over since they have died. The last few months have been hell for me. My wife wants to live in florida permanently and I want to continue living in my house up in NY. It was a house we bought that was abandoned and it took me 2 years to rebuild. I love it and do not want to sell it. While in florida this year, my wife took several trips to see her friend for days at a time. I never felt so alone in my life. No friends, no family to hang out with. Up in NY, I have my parents around the corner, my brothers live in NY as well. During our drive up to NY she constantly peppered me about living in FL. Now that we are in NY, my wife stays mostly in the basement apt. of our rental more than she stays with me 50 miles away in the house I re-habbed. I feel crushed. Our families have been asking what is going on with us. I tell them what is going on and they do not understand what is going through her mind. My wife does not get along with anyone in her family (very sad) and I love her family like it is my own. I provide for her, cook, do the shopping, fix everything for her among many other things. She is a good person but has many issues and we get along most of the time except for the fact about where she and I want to live.

I cannot understand it. I am good looking, work out regularly, smart, and I am a really easy going nice guy. I am flexible in that I am willing to go to FL for 6 months of the year but not permanently.

We have never been unfaithful to each other. We have never been physically harmful to each other during our fights.

I feel there is nothing for me in FL. In NY I have all my friends and family. I find that as one of the most important things in the world, especially since we do not have children. She does not care about any of that and only wants warm weather at any cost. We are considering separating. There is no marriage counseling as she says, “I won’t go. I want FL and you want NY. There is nothing anyone can counsel us about.”

Should I just give in and go to FL and lose my mind or get separated? I am so very sad about this.

07-27-2010, 11:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
holdingtwenty Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Orange County, NY Posts: 28	I am so upset, lonely and lost I hope some of you can give me advice and insight. My wife and I have lived together for 19 years (15 married). We are in our 40s. I am retired 3 years and my wife does not work. We have no children. We stay in florida for the winter at her parents empty house. Over the last year our 18 and 16-year-old dogs have passed away. My wife always tells me our life is over since they have died. The last few months have been hell for me. My wife wants to live in florida permanently and I want to continue living in my house up in NY. It was a house we bought that was abandoned and it took me 2 years to rebuild. I love it and do not want to sell it. While in florida this year, my wife took several trips to see her friend for days at a time. I never felt so alone in my life. No friends, no family to hang out with. Up in NY, I have my parents around the corner, my brothers live in NY as well. During our drive up to NY she constantly peppered me about living in FL. Now that we are in NY, my wife stays mostly in the basement apt. of our rental more than she stays with me 50 miles away in the house I re-habbed. I feel crushed. Our families have been asking what is going on with us. I tell them what is going on and they do not understand what is going through her mind. My wife does not get along with anyone in her family (very sad) and I love her family like it is my own. I provide for her, cook, do the shopping, fix everything for her among many other things. She is a good person but has many issues and we get along most of the time except for the fact about where she and I want to live. I cannot understand it. I am good looking, work out regularly, smart, and I am a really easy going nice guy. I am flexible in that I am willing to go to FL for 6 months of the year but not permanently. We have never been unfaithful to each other. We have never been physically harmful to each other during our fights. I feel there is nothing for me in FL. In NY I have all my friends and family. I find that as one of the most important things in the world, especially since we do not have children. She does not care about any of that and only wants warm weather at any cost. We are considering separating. There is no marriage counseling as she says, “I won’t go. I want FL and you want NY. There is nothing anyone can counsel us about.” Should I just give in and go to FL and lose my mind or get separated? I am so very sad about this.