Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 07:15 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 153
It's a VERY fresh wound and it HURTS

I am sure if you are on this board, you know the pain. I have just found out that my husband cheated on me, and it hurts. really bad. Here is the story

My husband is 30 and I am 25.
My husband and I have had a rocky relationship since our four year old son was born. Something about the birth traumatized him (I think just the act in general) and we did not have a sex life for a year or so. He stayed away from me. This hurt my self esteem deeply. We sort of got over it after a LONG time... but the sex was still kinda of vanilla. Or one sided - he would give me no pleasure, only himself. He was extremely seflish. Also selfish in many other ways.

So that was our life. Sucky sex. Maybe once every two weeks. We both work full time. I am also a full time student (worth it - graduating in MAY!!!). We have our a four year old. And 9 months ago, i got pregnant again. Yes - NINE MONTHS AGO and I am still pregnant now. Our baby will be here in the next 4 days. Throughout this pregnancy, sex has gone out the window again. This time, it was both of our faults.... we were both feeling weird about it. I felt insecure. He thought I was fragile or whatever. We haven't done it since I was about 5 months. And no other forms of sex either.

So I will cut to the story .... just thought you needed some background info....

Sunday night, my husband called me after work and said that he had to run an errand for his work before he left, and would be home soon (this is a common occurrence, so I thought nothing of it) I said okay see ya soon.
So when he got home, we hung out for a little, everything was normal. About an hour into being home, he ran to the store to get something for us.
While he was gone, I noticed he left his Apple Watch. I decided to look through it. I found texts from some random number that went like this:

#:when do you get off work?
husband: in just a few minutes. cool?
#: yeah, my address "..............."
husband: ok see you in a few

that was it. that was it but i knew what was happening. I typed the random number into facebook, and a girl he works with popped up. so it was her. These texts went on while he was "running an errand for work"

I immediately called him and confronted him. He made up some stories... the first was that this was a dudes number.. the second that it was in fact a girls number, but that the dudes phone died and he needed to talk to him through her.

I told him I am not stupid. After some time, he actually told me the truth. he cheated on me. He says it was just oral, no intercourse. Doesn't matter to me. I am so hurt. BY the timing of when he got home and when the texts happen, he couldn't have been there for more than 10-15 minutes. If that. I do not see a long history of texts, just whats on the phone. I can see ingoing and outgoing calls and texts on the phone bill, and her number is no where on there.
This tells me they communicate in person at WORK.

He was immediately remorseful. Saying he was sorry. That he doesn't want to lose me. he knew it was wrong as soon as it started happening. he was crying.
I have never seen my husband cry before until then.

I of course, like I said, am very hurt. Confused. I am having a baby in 4 days. Our second child. It's almost Christmas, and our four year old is so excited. I decided to calm down and not freak out too much, because I do not want my daughters birth to be overshadowed by this, and I don't want Christmas to be either. I still do not know if I want to stay in the marriage - because the trust is RUINED.

We went to marriage counseling yesterday, and it went well. I can understand how this all played out. I can see that he is trying for once, and we even had sex last night, me super pregnant (and it was my idea, something about territory - i couldnt let her be the last person to touch him ) The counseler says the think sthe marriage is saveable, given the characteristics of the "affair" (my husband says there is no emotional attachment, no relationship, she was just basically a ****ty girl at work who would do it, and that it was a last minute decision).

He tried to call her in front of me (his idea) to tell her he made a big mistake and that he loves his wife and blahblah, but she didnt answer. She knows what is going on - because I sent her a text the night of, letting her know that I was his PREGNANT wife and knew what was going on. And that I hoped karma got her one day. thats all i said.

I just don't know how to move forward. My counselor gave me some books to read. But I keep getting images of them together in my head. Like flashbacks. I keep imaging them together and it makes me so angry. I cry and cry and cry. I have barely eaten. I have lost 7 pounds just in the two days. I am so depressed over this. My husband has not been to work since, because he was scheduled off the last two days, but he will be going back to work today. All I can think about is she will be there. He works in a restaurant, so if you have ever worked in one before, you know how it can be. It's not uncommon for the management to get involved with the young wait staff.

Does anyone have any advice for moving forward?
If I do leave, I will wait about a month to make that decision. I want to get through the holidays and the birth.
I would like this to work out, if possible. I just don't know how it will work. I don't know if I will ever get over it.

Last edited by adegirl2016; 12-14-2016 at 07:51 AM.
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