07-29-2010, 10:03 AM
Join Date: Apr 2008
| | Re: Wife nagging etc
Originally Posted by HappyHer
Katie Jane is right. If your wife is nagging, it's because she doesn't feel emotionally validated by you. And, as this post would lead me to assume, you aren't feeling validated either.
She, and many other women, and men too - resorts to "nagging" (That's a harsh word by the way) - because they are trying very hard to feel heard. Their method isn't productive though as the other person usually gets angry, withdraws, or becomes resentful - but that's not the reason why the nagging person is doing what they are doing - they are doing it out of hurt and frustration and feeling unappreciated themselves.
There are a couple of things you can do here. You can say "Honey, I care about your happiness and it would really help me if you would come to me with suggestions instead of complaints" Give her an example of what that might look like to you using a generic example that she can understand, but won't sound like you are accusing or blaming her.
The next part of this is when your wife comes to you with something, the first thing you do is validate her. Don't suggest, fix, complain back - just accept her feelings - that doesn't mean agreeing with them, just accept them "I can understand that you feel frustrated, I might feel that way in this situation too" Chances are just validating her will take all the steam out of her angrier emotions, and she will feel cared for and more willing to communicate in more positive ways with you.
Now, keep in mind if she's been nagging for awhile, it can be an ugly habit, so you may have to work a bit harder for her to realize that she IS being listened to and that you DO care about what she is saying. Eventually the nagging will slow down considerably if not go away all together.
I think you might have a point. I think she gets more wound up if she does the cleaning and then sees me as disrespecting it by making a mess. Does that make sense?
Like I said though, I dont do it on purpose. And sometimes I get the feeling shes waiting to pick up on me for something.