Re: Where to go from here?
Your wife has and continues to lie to you.
Having secret email account and lying about it. Refusing to name the suspected OM. Both are her way of protecting herself and him. Both show no respect for you and your marriage.
Don't ever let her see you cry or beg for the truth. You already know the truth - she does not love nor respect you. You are Plan B. The babysitter. The ATM. The guy who fixes her car.
Now you need to figure out what you want to do for yourself and your children. Not for her.