Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

despondet · 07-31-2010, 07:17 AM

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. Thanks for the last 2 replies.

We talked last night, and I sincerely apologized for my behavior a few days ago. We also discussed at length the larger problem.

You're right, she feels that sex isn't necessary for intimacy. She will say Ok every time I ask for sex. There is nothing that I do or no quality I have that makes her not want sex. She understands that I'm frustrated and sees how hurt I am by the lack of what I consider to be ONE form of intimacy. She keeps asking what I want her to do about it, even offering to stop her meds. I immediately said no to that because her happiness and health far outweigh any need I have.

We left it here: she'll agree any time I ask, she won't sigh or roll her eyes, and she might even try to initiate once in awhile (believe that when I see it; promised that before).)

She asked if I was going to leave her over this and if I still loved her. My answer was that I would have left years ago if that were the case. It would be much easier to have a mistress or just leave, because this is really a big deal for me. That's not a possibility. I love my wife and don't want anyone else. I just want this one problem to go away.

After all that, I still feel like this: I don't want to ask for sex unless I'm desperate because in the back of my mind I know she isn't in to it, I'll to get it over with as quickly as possible, and go as long as I can without asking. I'm still stuck knowing that she will never truly want to have sex, we'll have a one-way sex life without the possibility of fun or adventure or trying new things. Its to meet my biologic need and nothing else.

Wish there was a switch I could flip inside me to make me ok with that. I have a bad feeling that this will repeat itself in a few months and we'll have the same conversation.

Does anyone think counseling could really help? We're both willing but really don't want to. I think actually getting professional help is a big, scary step and makes us feel like we're just trying to stave off divorce, which is not where we're at.

Again, thank for any thoughts. The last few really helped me see how my actions looked from outside myself. I really am trying to fix this; I'm past assigning blame and not looking for validation, just maybe a little commiseration : )

07-31-2010, 07:17 AM	#15 (permalink)
despondet Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 9	Re: Need Help: May be the last straw Ok, now we're getting somewhere. Thanks for the last 2 replies. We talked last night, and I sincerely apologized for my behavior a few days ago. We also discussed at length the larger problem. You're right, she feels that sex isn't necessary for intimacy. She will say Ok every time I ask for sex. There is nothing that I do or no quality I have that makes her not want sex. She understands that I'm frustrated and sees how hurt I am by the lack of what I consider to be ONE form of intimacy. She keeps asking what I want her to do about it, even offering to stop her meds. I immediately said no to that because her happiness and health far outweigh any need I have. We left it here: she'll agree any time I ask, she won't sigh or roll her eyes, and she might even try to initiate once in awhile (believe that when I see it; promised that before).) She asked if I was going to leave her over this and if I still loved her. My answer was that I would have left years ago if that were the case. It would be much easier to have a mistress or just leave, because this is really a big deal for me. That's not a possibility. I love my wife and don't want anyone else. I just want this one problem to go away. After all that, I still feel like this: I don't want to ask for sex unless I'm desperate because in the back of my mind I know she isn't in to it, I'll to get it over with as quickly as possible, and go as long as I can without asking. I'm still stuck knowing that she will never truly want to have sex, we'll have a one-way sex life without the possibility of fun or adventure or trying new things. Its to meet my biologic need and nothing else. Wish there was a switch I could flip inside me to make me ok with that. I have a bad feeling that this will repeat itself in a few months and we'll have the same conversation. Does anyone think counseling could really help? We're both willing but really don't want to. I think actually getting professional help is a big, scary step and makes us feel like we're just trying to stave off divorce, which is not where we're at. Again, thank for any thoughts. The last few really helped me see how my actions looked from outside myself. I really am trying to fix this; I'm past assigning blame and not looking for validation, just maybe a little commiseration : )