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Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

65K views 674 replies 86 participants last post by  personofinterest 
#1 ·
There have been several threads on here about what it seems to be mainly wives wanting divorces because their husbands have been watching porn.

Personally, my wife doesn't have a problem with me watching porn, or me her, and I do it from time to time, if our sex life is really frequent I basically don't use it at all but have had dry spells in the past where I would have used it 3 or 4 times a week. She has told me she's looked at it a few times but it didn't do anything for her. She's more into erotic books.

I got to wondering what is it about watching porn that is the problem?

Do they honestly think their men are doing anything other than masturbating with something impersonal and arousing to look at?
Where do they stand on romantic / erotic fiction, vibrators, "chick flicks" etc which all encourage them to imagine themselves swept away and ravished by some hunk other than their husband (ok not the vibrators !!!) ?
Is it lying about porn is the issue rather than the porn itself?
Do men feel the same way about their women watching porn alone?
How do these women feel about masturbation?
Do these women have lots of sex with their husbands?
Do these women ever talk about sex with their husbands?
Is it a power / control thing in that there is nothing else they can shame their husbands about except this?

The only reason I use women above is that I never see threads from men about this stuff.

Anyone got any input?
 
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#2 ·
Anyone got any input?
Many women have body issues and that their husband's use of porn emphasizes her own self esteem issues with weight, best size, hair color, and so on.

Many husbands LIE to their wives about porn use and it is hard to love someone that is constantly lying in a relationship.

Porn for the most part is unrealistic. Some women struggle to reconcile their husband's view of sexuality of what he has been seen in porn versus what actually happens in the marriage bed.

Many men use porn as an EASY and alternate way to relieve sexual tension as opposed to taking the time needed to deal with ongoing issues in a relationship. Generally speaking sexual tension should motivate a man to solve problems in a marriage sooner than later, but porn will more often than not just allow him ignore things.

Some wives struggle with the idea that their husband's sexuality is just an arbitrary drive and that any available outlet to relieve sexual tension will work. Porn use emphasizes this idea and makes her begin to feel used during intimacy in the marriage.

Husbands that use porn are often overstimulated and may begin having trouble enjoying natural intercourse.

Most importantly those experiencing problems in their marriage are often completely unable to address the problems listed above in a respectful and confident manner. Most revelations of the above will destroy self confidence and result in bitter disputes.

Regards,
Badsanta
 
#3 ·
Many women have body issues and that their husband's use of porn emphasizes her own self esteem issues with weight, best size, hair color, and so on.
Not if you watch granny porn :grin2:

I think women fail to realize that we husbands are not as motivated by our wives looks as they think we are. A sexy attitude and an open mind in regards to sex trumps looks every damn time.

My wife is 50 years old and she is sexier to me today than when we first got married. Truth.

That's my opinion and I'm stickin to it!
 
#4 ·
Some men substitute porn for their wives, you can see how that would be a problem right? Also some young men confuse porn for what real sex is, which also affects them by the way. Who can compete with camera tricks and men who hit the well endowed lottery. Basically sometimes there is a very good reason for being pissed off about it.
 
#7 ·
I can't speak across the board for wives who don't approve of porn. I'm totally fine with it, as long as my partner isn't using it as a substitute for me, or neglecting me in favor of using the porn.

But my mom... is dead-set against it. And the list of why's is a mile long:

--It makes her feel inferior and bad about her body because she doesn't look like those women, never has, and (at 65) never will
--She thinks it is degrading to women
--She thinks that if a man has a wife/partner, he shouldn't want or need it because he has someone he can see naked
--Makes her feel like she isn't enough for him

Etc, etc. My mother doesn't make a habit of reading erotic fiction, but she reads enough novels with steamy sex scenes in them for me to know that she's not a total prude. But she doesn't equate those steamy novels/sex scenes with porn.

But with my mother, I think it's also about control. She wants to control everyone and everything around her, and she can be very manipulative. She loves using shame as a weapon to control people. So she makes the fact that my dad likes porn ALL ABOUT HER (and my points above really are all about her issues), when it really has nothing to do with her, whatsoever. As much as I dislike thinking about my dad as a sexual being... he's a dude, and dudes like naked chicks. They just DO.

It has nothing to do with the way my dad feels about my mom. He has put up with her sh!t for like 40 years, and she gets more batsh!t crazy every year, and he will stick around no matter how crazy she gets, because he loves her, and he would never in a million years cheat on her, because he loves her. Even if he likes looking a naked chicks he doesn't know, and likes to watch them having sex on film.

She used to say to him, "You have two daughters! What would they think if they found this? To know that their father is ok with demeaning and objectifying women?" She tried to use us to shame him. Which is funny (and a little sad), because I DID find his video stash when I was home between my freshman and sophomore years of college, and I DID watch them... and I didn't think any of that. I was really curious (this was before porn was so easy to find on the internet), but my biggest reaction was that I was a little icked out to think of my father as a sexual person. But I never for one moment thought that he didn't respect women. He had always taught me to be a feminist, and that I could do anything that a boy could do, etc, etc. He is more interested in a person's character and abilities than their gender. The fact that he has a sex drive, while it icks me out, doesn't change any of that.
 
#18 ·
I'm not necessarily against porn but that's probably because my husband rarely watches it. It's usually limited to when I'm out of town for a few days. I would absolutely have issues with it if he was looking at it every week. On the other hand, I have no issues with him reading erotica. At least then, he's got use his imagination to create the characters in his head. They aren't real people.

Funny enough, I asked my husband once how he would feel if I masturbated to bbc/bwc porn regularly. He said it would make him feel inadequate, like I was secretly wanting something that he's not. That's exactly how I see it.

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#22 ·
I view porn like alcohol consumption.

Person "A" drinks every day, becomes an alcoholic and destroys himself and his family.

Person "B" drinks every day, one glass. In fact, his doctor TOLD him to do so after his heart attack.

Both person A and B drink alcohol. Just because person A ruined his life, we should not automatically assume person B will do the same.
 
#23 ·
Where it gets "interesting" is a situation where one person uses porn for "relief", in part b/c of a poor sexual relationship with their SO. An example would be someone getting pissed their SO uses porn yet shows very little interest in maintaining a sexual relationship (whether due to drive mismatch, religious beliefs, etc...)
 
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#25 ·
badsanta's post regarding "Maybe if you didn't use porn you'd be more apt to fix the problem of why you'd want to use porn in the first place" is a heck of a counter argument, I have to admit.

Turns it around from "why do you use porn?" into "What is stopping you from fixing the reason why you use porn in the first place?" (at least for me).
 
#29 ·
If porn use reduces interest in having sex with your spouse, that's a real problem - IF, of course, your spouse actually wants to have sex with you. My view is that if that kind of problem does not result, then if someone wants to use porn, they have that right. No one should dictate what you do with your own body and mind - aside from any mutual agreement you have made. We hear "Women's bodies, women's choice," about everything these days. Guess what? That applies to men, too. I also think that if a woman has body image issues, that is her issue to deal with - her husband's porn use has nothing to do with it, as has been confirmed by research. Of course, he needn't flaunt it, and should be genuinely supportive, and she shouldn't pry - it's really not her business (or vice versa), IMO.
 
#187 ·
If porn use reduces interest in having sex with your spouse, that's a real problem - IF, of course, your spouse actually wants to have sex with you. My view is that if that kind of problem does not result, then if someone wants to use porn, they have that right. No one should dictate what you do with your own body and mind - aside from any mutual agreement you have made. We hear "Women's bodies, women's choice," about everything these days. Guess what? That applies to men, too.
No, it doesn't, because patriarchy! >:)
 
#33 ·
Yeah, I guess it is probably as much dependent on the person, the type of porn, the circumstances, etc... I would imagine that if my W showed little interest in sex and/or constantly rejected me, but then I catch her watching porn, there would be a part of me that would feel inadequate (would be hard not to).
 
#38 ·
I hate porn because in college we were shown movies in one of my sociology classes about the back side of the porn industry. Anyone who honestly thinks most porn actresses WANT to be doing it is sadly mistaken. Most of them are forced through fear, intimidation, extreme poverty, or addiction. And despite the illegality, many of them ARE under 18.

Why would any decent person want to support that? Whenever I hear a guy ask what is wrong with porn I want to ask him how he would feel if his own daughter somehow got trapped in that kind of life.

I also believe it teaches boys and young men to objectify women which is obviously not healthy and isn't going to lead to appropriate sexual behavior within a relationship.
 
#39 ·
I hate porn because in college we were shown movies in one of my sociology classes about the back side of the porn industry. Anyone who honestly thinks most porn actresses WANT to be doing it is sadly mistaken. Most of them are forced through fear, intimidation, extreme poverty, or addiction. And despite the illegality, many of them ARE under 18.
Then you should celebrate CGI porn and support it because no real people are used in making it.

Lots of woman like porn, lots of woman like to be objectified. Just saying.
 
#43 ·
My first question when porn discussions come up is often whether one who uses porn would be ok with their daughter doing it, assuming it's what she wanted.

If so at least they're consistent.

All porn actresses are someone's daughter, so if it's ok for you to get off to their daughter it should be ok for them to get off to your daughter.

But if you watch porn and would be unhappy with your daughter doing it you should think about that.

I have sons and would be unhappy if they did porn.

But I don't watch it. I have in the past but it doesn't do much for me.
 
#46 ·
All porn actresses are someone's daughter, so if it's ok for you to get off to their daughter it should be ok for them to get off to your daughter.
This logic doesn't pan out to me. All women are someone's daughter. If I want to have sex with them, it doesn't mean I want to have sex with my own daughter.
 
#45 ·
I see porn as equivalent to sexy toys.

1) Used together as a couple - fine.

2) Used when not in a relationship - fine unless the use becomes excessive to the point of interfering with the rest of life, or becomes addictive (eg, you want to stop but can't).

3) Used individually in a relationship: I think its fine as long as it does not interfere with your sex life with your partner. Generally that means never turning your partner down for sex and then using porn (or masturbating in any fashion). It also means understanding the difference between fantasy and reality and not expecting "porn sex" to be always a realistic depiction of good sex in real life

An exception to #3 is if your partner is fundamentally selfish in bed and unwilling to try to please you, then I think it is OK to use porn rather than have sex with a selfish lover

A caveat to #3 is that if your partner regularly turns you down for sex, AND you have made serous attempts to both be a good lover and to fix other relationship issues, its find to use as much porn as you like.

Another caveat to #3 is that (especially for men), if you use porn, and then your partner wants sex, you should do your best to please them whatever way you can, even if you are no longer in the mood.
 
#53 ·
I see porn as equivalent to sexy toys.



1) Used together as a couple - fine.



2) Used when not in a relationship - fine unless the use becomes excessive to the point of interfering with the rest of life, or becomes addictive (eg, you want to stop but can't).



3) Used individually in a relationship: I think its fine as long as it does not interfere with your sex life with your partner. Generally that means never turning your partner down for sex and then using porn (or masturbating in any fashion). It also means understanding the difference between fantasy and reality and not expecting "porn sex" to be always a realistic depiction of good sex in real life



An exception to #3 is if your partner is fundamentally selfish in bed and unwilling to try to please you, then I think it is OK to use porn rather than have sex with a selfish lover



A caveat to #3 is that if your partner regularly turns you down for sex, AND you have made serous attempts to both be a good lover and to fix other relationship issues, its find to use as much porn as you like.



Another caveat to #3 is that (especially for men), if you use porn, and then your partner wants sex, you should do your best to please them whatever way you can, even if you are no longer in the mood.


Well put!

I also think it's a matter of incompatibility. I have friends that feel that way about porn... some with great sex lives, a couple in sexless marriages.

I never thought much about porn until I met my H. I had taken a women's studies class at college and was a bit guarded about it, plus I had some abuse from childhood that made anything sexual frightening for a long time.

My H introduced me to porn since I'd never seen any before. I'd come across my dad's Playboy stash, but that was it. The first one we watched I laughed through most of it. It was the classic Deep Throat.

I guess I passed the test by not being horrified by it, so every so often we would watch again. Not all the time, but once in a while. We had similar preferences, and it actually helped increase our creativity and made me realize I was bi curious.

Ideally, I think it's best used together. We would rarely watch solo unless separated for some reason, but it wouldn't bother me unless I was in the mood and he'd chosen porn over me.




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#57 ·
I don't want my husband using porn. That's because when I WAS ok with it (or, rather, just ignored the fact he used it), it led to a whole host of other problems and he ended up cheating. He's sex addicted, so for him it's a huge no no.

Porn has been around for thousands of years and it isn't going anywhere soon. It meets a demand and makes lots of people lots of money. It's also been largely ignored by the church over the centuries, other than declarations of eternal damnation if you do it, so it's always been one of those things that everyone knows that lots of people do but no one ever talks about it. Kind of like having mistresses, or priests doing altar boys. The ostrich reaction. It's only in the last hundred or couple of hundred years since we've had printed magazines, and now of course the internet, that wives have been forced to even think about their husbands indulging themselves in this manner, and with the internet it's becoming almost impossible to ignore. So it isn't something that most couples discuss openly, and when a wife find the browsing history she feels as betrayed as if he cheated, hence the divorce proclamation.
 
#60 ·
Double standards exist everywhere. I love watching football, but not in a million years would I want my boys to play professionally and suffer the kind of head injuries that happen. That's a total double standard that I am perfectly OK with because the guys that do play know the risks and choose to play anyway because they make millions doing so.

Most (not all, I know) of the women doing porn know what they're doing and that many consider it wrong and do it anyway because of the money. Same with dealing drugs. Some people are going to choose it despite the drawbacks because it pays. Some won't. The ones who won't we hope have higher morals, and I hope my kids are of that type and not the former type. Just like everyone hopes their kids are better than 'other' kids.
 
#69 ·
Some parents are embarrassed to tell people their kid works in retail. Some are embarrassed by them going to the 'wrong' college. That isn't the point. The point is that the people IN whatever 'profession' they're in chose it. Or at least didn't stop doing it when they found themselves doing it despite the fact it's morally questionable or dangerous or whatever. So if I am buying pot from my neighbour that's because he knows perfectly well what he's doing and does it for the money. Period. It's the almighty dollar that motivates drug dealers or football players or porn stars.

Everyone has lofty hopes and dreams for their own kids. Moral considerations just up the dollar value paid to the 'performers', that's all, not make it any worse for a parent to indulge themselves in an 'immoral' activity that they wouldn't want their kid to do. Which is subjective in a lot of cases anyway.

As a parent we can choose NOT to support our childrens questionable choices by buying our pot from someone other than our son, or watching porn starring someone other than our daughter. :D
 
#70 ·
@FeministInPink has he had his prostate examined? Maybe ultrasound the plumbing? Could there be physical obstructions? I don't know if BPH - a common issue - can hurt things. I know with mine I find myself awkwardly in suspense after I think I've ejaculated - and when I look I see it is delayed. I assume it is the BPH blocking the tubing to a small degree (very slight but definitely noticeable delay). I guess it's involuntary edging ;)


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#79 ·
So the main theme is the exploitation of women in porn? I'm sure some of them are but by no means all.

How do people who think like this justify buying clothes made by child labor, as most clothes nowadays, even the big brand names, are?

What about anime porn? Are people OK with that?

The comment about the romance novels not being real people is a silly one - then films like 50 shades are off limits or male strip shows as these are real people?

I still think it's about controlling behaviour. If modern women can do what they want with their bodies and so can I.
 
#80 ·
@Good Guy, I don't think anyone has said that men are not entitled to do whatever they want to do with their bodies. You asked a question, Why do women object to porn in marriage, and you've gotten responses. By your last post it sounds like you weren't really interested in listening to the responses. Instead you seem to have the answers and are looking to push your agenda.

Instead of wasting time asking 'why women are opposed to porn', why didn't you just tell women your opinion on porn and leave it at that? You would have gotten tons of validation and possibly the debate you seek.

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#81 ·
For me, I'm against porn. Always have been. And my husband has known this from verrryy early on in our relationship. Yes it makes me feel inadequate, like I'm not enough. And simply the fact that porn takes sexual tensions away without needing me makes me feel....... Unecessary for lack of a better word. Despite knowing just how crushing it is to me a few years ago I found out he's basically obsessed with it. We stopped having sex, he would get FRUSTRATED with me DURING sex, like I was competing with some invisible force I could never measure up to. 3 months ago I contacted a divorce lawyer and scared the living **** out of him.

I never deny my husband sex. If he wants it anyway, everyway, every day of the week or more Im always game. And I gladly meet his needs be it sex, BJ, HJ even without reciprocation on every occasion. We are never out of town without each other and we talk about sex and our fantasies openly and freely.

Despite this, he STILL was doing it and getting literally irritated that I couldn't physically do something a certain way.

This is why I have always been so against porn. Some people are ok with it and good for them. I'm not. I've never told him he isn't ALLOWED to look at porn, but I have told him since day ONE that I refuse to be with someone who does. I don't have to accept any behaviour that causes me intense lasting pain. Yes he's a man and men have "needs" well guess what so do I. I NEED to feel like I am enough.

Everyone who is "shocked" that a woman will divorce a man over porn should be equally as "shocked" that a man would throw his marriage away just so he can continue to beat off into a sock alone, there is no difference. I think it's pathetic and until a couple years ago my husband told me he felt the same way. Not being able to go without porn is just insane. Of course you can, it's not a literal compulsion, and humans can show self control. Then he decided to change the values I though we both shared, lie to me a million times, hide things from me, compare me, blame me, and deny me. This is his last chance, once more and I'm gone.

And no. I can't care about what others think about me and my point of view, I know what I can live with and what I can't. You may not understand it but the pain that I have been through this last little while is heavy enough to physically pick up.
 
#89 ·
I think everything you said here is fair you have a right to expect him to hold to the promises in the marriage. You were honest with him before you married so it's on him.
 
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#92 ·
I got to wondering what is it about watching porn that is the problem?
Does it really represent the best part of ourselves as humans? Is it our best self, our highest nature, that engages in that activity?

Is it inspiring? Does it lead us to become better people?

There is a reason it is hidden and forbidden for purchase under a certain age, no?

Would we be proud to have our children know we have looked at it? Is it something we want them to emulate?

The only reason I use women above is that I never see threads from men about this stuff.
I read once that around 1% of men divorce because their wives watch too much porn. It does not generally seem to bother men. If anything, it may turn them on.
 
#95 ·
Does it really represent the best part of ourselves as humans? Is it our best self, our highest nature, that engages in that activity?

Is it inspiring? Does it lead us to become better people?
No, but neither does going to the bathroom.

There is a reason it is hidden and forbidden for purchase under a certain age, no?

Would we be proud to have our children know we have looked at it? Is it something we want them to emulate?
My eldest daughter (18) knows I watch porn. We have discussed things like that. Like having a poo it's not something I'm proud of or want her to see but it is necessary (or at least masturbation is) from time to time.
 
#111 ·
No, but neither does going to the bathroom.

My eldest daughter (18) knows I watch porn. We have discussed things like that. Like having a poo it's not something I'm proud of or want her to see but it is necessary (or at least masturbation is) from time to time.
Looking at porn as a comparison to bodily elimination?

Elimination is necessary if you want to stay alive. Porn is completely optional.

There is a big difference between what is not polite to discuss and what is downright risky to engage in.
 
#97 ·
Porn is real. Real human beings have to do it. For the most part, women's bodies take the brunt of the wear and tear aspect of it.

Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: pink sock


After anal penetration when the males member or device is removed from the anus the inner anal passageway folds out surrounding the extracted shaft and exposing the inner side of the anus. The pink socks appear's like folds of pink skin hangin out of the a$$hole. It slightly resembales a pink sock hangin out of the a$$hole .also known as a pink sh1t
Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: rosebud

an anal prolapse, usually caused by the repeated insertion of oversized objects, such as fists.


Cartoon porn, or CGI porn is much better in that no living humans [or animals :( ] were harmed. There may be some real sick ideas presented in CGI or cartoon porn {gang rape, as an example}; but yes, obviously it's much better than using real people.



Yes, it is awful to have your husband/boyfriend prefer porn to you. To compare you to it. And to laugh at you in your face when you tell him how bad it hurts you. These are unforgettable memories.

It was a dream of mine growing up to be in love and to be someone's one and only; and for him to be mine. I know now that is impossible, unrealistic and a lie.

Would you guys be willing to tell your daughters what lies ahead for them when they grow up. When they get old enough to learn about the facts of life; will you give them a heads up, and let them know that they will never be enough for their future husband---and that he'll always want to have a good wank to some other woman?


Porn is not the equivalent of romance novels. Romance novels may have sexy parts; but they are words on a page/screen. No people are involved. There are no images.

And men read "dirty" erotica too. X-rated stuff. But a lot of popular books popular with men are very sexual. Even decades ago "Tropic of Cancer" caused a sensation with it's frank sexuality.

Porn is not the equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo.
The equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo....is a "male masturbator" . Link probably NSFW

Page 2 of Realistic Masturbators Adam & Eve



It's interesting to me, that men are confused that their wives don't see sex as a special way of connecting or communicating.

But yet men admit that they compartmentalize sex and that orgasming to porn is "meaningless". So, if orgasming [the highest form of human physical ecstasy], is readily seen as meaningless; why would your wife believe that having sex with her is special? Believe me, it's very easy for your wife to start feeling that she is interchangeable with an image. And I promise you, you don't feel special or desirable when you realize this.

Add in a few unflattering remarks from your husband about your body. Or, sex acts that you really, really don't find enticing or appealing, that he admits he saw in porn. Yeah, it's a real obstruction.

My own sex drive is what has kept me interested in sex. That and attraction to men's bodies. I've had a sense of detachment and mistrust to my husband for decades; because I *know* I am far from his ideal. I am not special.

By the way, how does porn improve the way men see women? How does watching clips/films with titles like, "Horny teen sl.t takes multiple c.ocks up her a.ss", or "Dirty b.tch gets loads of c.um. in her face" etc. etc. etc., make you feel respect, or regard for women. Answer; it doesn't. It's supposed to make you feel the exact opposite.

A couple of years ago, when it became apparent that my husband was not going to do much about his health related ED, I bought a dildo {4-1/2 insertable length}, just to stop feeling physically uncomfortable so often without relief. Clitoral orgasms alone do not fulfill me.

I had washed it and left it by the bathroom sink to dry (we don't have kids). He found it and basically wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days. I couldn't find it and he admitted to throwing it away.

And to think of all those times I pleaded with him to stop using porn, to please turn to me. "This is what guys do", "you have to get used to it"

I know. Porn is the winner. It is more exciting than me. The women are more desirable. I'm long since resigned to that.

But that was my life experience. I think it's a terrible thing.
 
#99 · (Edited)
Porn is real. Real human beings have to do it. For the most part, women's bodies take the brunt of the wear and tear aspect of it.

Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: pink sock




Link may be NSFW

Urban Dictionary: rosebud
Really that is like any other profession, there are health hazards that should be managed properly. STDs for another.

Cartoon porn, or CGI porn is much better in that no living humans [or animals :( ] were harmed. There may be some real sick ideas presented in CGI or cartoon porn {gang rape, as an example}; but yes, obviously it's much better than using real people.
OK

Yes, it is awful to have your husband/boyfriend prefer porn to you. To compare you to it. And to laugh at you in your face when you tell him how bad it hurts you. These are unforgettable memories.

It was a dream of mine growing up to be in love and to be someone's one and only; and for him to be mine. I know now that is impossible, unrealistic and a lie.
I had the same dream - and I also know now it's a lie. Women fall completely and entirely for another man - whereas the porn use is a sexual release which is forgotten about straight after. Which is the bigger lie?

Would you guys be willing to tell your daughters what lies ahead for them when they grow up. When they get old enough to learn about the facts of life; will you give them a heads up, and let them know that they will never be enough for their future husband---and that he'll always want to have a good wank to some other woman?
Yes, of course. I have done. My daughter has no illusions about men. I wish someone had told me the same about the true nature of women.

Porn is not the equivalent of romance novels. Romance novels may have sexy parts; but they are words on a page/screen. No people are involved. There are no images.
You are rationalising here big time. Why read them???? The world of a book can be more real and absorbing than a film. You imagine yourself in that situation - otherwise there's no point to it. Anyone who reads a lot knows this.

And men read "dirty" erotica too. X-rated stuff. But a lot of popular books popular with men are very sexual. Even decades ago "Tropic of Cancer" caused a sensation with it's frank sexuality.
Yes I've read some. I don't do it anymore because it's much much worse than watching porn. Not only do you get the full sexual details, you also get to feel how the person was enjoying cheating (and it's mostly cheating of one sort or another) or whatever it was they were doing.

Porn is not the equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo.
The equivalent of a vibrator/d/ldo....is a "male masturbator" . Link probably NSFW

Page 2 of Realistic Masturbators Adam & Eve
Would you be OK with your man using that?

It's interesting to me, that men are confused that their wives don't see sex as a special way of connecting or communicating.

But yet men admit that they compartmentalize sex and that orgasming to porn is "meaningless". So, if orgasming [the highest form of human physical ecstasy], is readily seen as meaningless; why would your wife believe that having sex with her is special? Believe me, it's very easy for your wife to start feeling that she is interchangeable with an image. And I promise you, you don't feel special or desirable when you realize this.
There's an enormous difference for a man orgasming to porn or masturbating and making love to someone he truly loves. One is like a good pee after holding it in all day while the other is like nothing else on earth,

Add in a few unflattering remarks from your husband about your body. Or, sex acts that you really, really don't find enticing or appealing, that he admits he saw in porn. Yeah, it's a real obstruction.
This here is the problem. This shows he doesn't love or respect you. I or any decent man would NEVER do this.

My own sex drive is what has kept me interested in sex. That and attraction to men's bodies. I've had a sense of detachment and mistrust to my husband for decades; because I *know* I am far from his ideal. I am not special.
This is really sad. I think you have never had a man who truly loved you.

By the way, how does porn improve the way men see women? How does watching clips/films with titles like, "Horny teen sl.t takes multiple c.ocks up her a.ss", or "Dirty b.tch gets loads of c.um. in her face" etc. etc. etc., make you feel respect, or regard for women. Answer; it doesn't. It's supposed to make you feel the exact opposite.
I actually think a lot of that is because of the shame men feel around sex and porn; and the whole PC world we live in; if it was called instead "Respectful man has loving sex with career driven woman" I'd still watch it, but I'd somehow feel someone was in there manipulating this area of my life too.

A couple of years ago, when it became apparent that my husband was not going to do much about his health related ED, I bought a dildo {4-1/2 insertable length}, just to stop feeling physically uncomfortable so often without relief. Clitoral orgasms alone do not fulfill me.

I had washed it and left it by the bathroom sink to dry (we don't have kids). He found it and basically wouldn't talk to me for a couple of days. I couldn't find it and he admitted to throwing it away.
So you did this without talking to him first? I somehow get the feeling you DELIBERATELY left it there so he could find it - and from what you said I don't blame you! I can also see how he was annoyed - probably showing him how he wasn't a real man. At least he was upfront about his porn use with you.

And to think of all those times I pleaded with him to stop using porn, to please turn to me. "This is what guys do", "you have to get used to it"

I know. Porn is the winner. It is more exciting than me. The women are more desirable. I'm long since resigned to that.

But that was my life experience. I think it's a terrible thing.
Porn was not the problem here. Your husband's disrespect was.
 
#100 ·
I don't have a problem with porn.

If young girls are stupid enough and greedy enough to be lured in by a quick buck to subject themselves to being battered in every orifice they have, then they're dumber than they already appear in these films. And most of these fools will probably be wearing their anus's around their ankles by the time they're 50.

For most, it's a choice, not indentured slavery. Not saying ALL, I said for most.

You can't be 'exploited' if you DON'T SHOW UP at the porn producer's office looking for work - right? I never chose to show up at a porn producer's office and guess what? I'm not being exploited in x-rated films and even more happily, all my body parts are still INSIDE me and not draped around my ankles. I think it's a bit ludicrous to proclaim that porn 'exploits' women and that's why men shouldn't watch it. As someone else mentioned, I'm sure those $300 sneakers that some people covet were constructed by 'exploited' workers in sweat shops yet people are still buying them.

Personally, I think women use an awful lot of lame excuses to try to control every single thing their husbands look at and every single thing they fantasize about. Such an exercise in futility. It's utterly ridiculous to think a man should only be allowed to find his wife desirable and no one else. Yeah, I know what the bible says but let's get real here folks - in the REAL world, it just doesn't happen that way.

Lastly, an awful lot of women like to try to blame porn for why their husbands cheated. Did you ever notice that WOMEN aren't accused of cheating due to watching too much porn? Ever notice they don't use that "porn made me do it!" fake defense when women are caught with their pants down? Funny how it's just men latching onto this OVERUSED get out of jail free card. Years ago I was married to a serial cheater - long before computers and cell phones, so porn was not readily available 24 hours a day. He'd have to rent a VHS tape and wait til I wasn't home if he wanted to watch porn and frankly, that wasn't high on his list of things to do, so the porn 'excuse' sure doesn't work in his case.

Yet, amazingly enough, he was STILL out cheating every chance he got. Because he was a low life cheater, not because 'porn' drove him to it. I think women just tell themselves this nonsense so they can accept what their husband's did rather than place the accountability where it REALLY belongs - on their cheating husband who did what he did because he WANTED to. They've become rabid about how 'evil' it is and seem to think their husbands would be right as rain if they just didn't look at porn. <insert HUGE eye roll here>

I just think women need to be a little more realistic. I have better things to do than 'forbid' my almost 60 year old husband from occasionally watching porn, like he's some horny 15 year old pimple faced teenager that mommy needs to control.

Just my 2 bits.
 
#103 ·
Good Guy;17160793[QUOTE said:
Really that is like any other profession, there are health hazards that should be managed properly. STDs for another.

Porn is a completely unnecessary "profession". Handling medical waste or handling chemicals in a paint factory is something that is by-and-large, necessary in our world. If porn was no longer made, people would still have sex.





I had the same dream - and I also know now it's a lie. Women fall completely and entirely for another man - whereas the porn use is a sexual release which is forgotten about straight after. Which is the bigger lie?

Men fall for other women all the time. You are being a sneak here, in trying to suggest that men are physically faithful, but only use porn----whilst women are physically unfaithful but don't use porn. Some women are okay with porn. Some go along with it to be the cool chick, who's savvier and sexier than us pathetic "prudes" who don't like porn.

But it's interesting. Young women are more into porn than women, say, over 40. It will be interesting as the porn industry expands to cater to a female market.

How *will* young husbands feel when their wives start preferring porn to them? How will they feel when their wife or gf. has to see other guys' c.oc.ks before she can get turned on enough to have sex with him. How will these guys feel when their wife needs to have a porn on during sex so she can watch one her favorite male performers while having sex with her husband?

From what I've learned about men's retroactive sexual jealousy over past boyfriends; these guys are not going to be happy.



Yes, of course. I have done. My daughter has no illusions about men. I wish someone had told me the same about the true nature of women.
Wow, well I'm glad you have told your daughter what to expect with regards to porn and men. And yes, it's good that you don't see women as idealized princesses.

Marriage and human sexual relationships are being changed by pornography, no doubt. And perhaps it's good to know the truth. The truth is hard and leaves no room for ideals, or romance. But, yes, it is still better.



You are rationalising here big time. Why read them???? The world of a book can be more real and absorbing than a film. You imagine yourself in that situation - otherwise there's no point to it. Anyone who reads a lot knows this.

But there is no-one there. You imagine an idea. There is no substance.

When I masturbate, I rarely think about men. Sometimes when I orgasm, the faces of men that I've been attracted to, kind of flash before my eyes. In the past, I had fantasies in my mind. Now I mostly think of disembodied erect penises. Because that's what I crave to have sex.

I'm telling you this to make the point that we all have sexual imagery in our minds. *Especially* if you were born and raised in the last half of the 20th century. I think men call this their "spank bank".

It's not possible to go through life at this time in history without absorbing images of a sexual nature. They are abundant.

Why seek out more? Why hurt your significant other? My husband told me that he use to masturbate to the women's underwear models in the JCPenney catalog that we had mailed to our home.

And if you guys really have such insatiable sexual appetites, physical stimulation of your penises for a couple of minutes while thinking about some great cleavage you've seen recently on some women bending over in front of you in line at the grocery store [or whatever]; should be enough? Right? Why isn't it enough? I mean, you're just aching to bust a nut, right? My husband used to ejaculate before entering me on a semi-regular basis. If you're crazy horny, it doesn't take much. I'm a woman with a fraction of the testosterone you have, and I know that.

None of us are pure. But you don't have to seek out more sexual stimulation from someone other than your spouse.

Having images of the teenage girl next door in your mind while you masturbate is a fire......watching porn of having sex with teenage girls is pouring gasoline on that fire. Isn't thinking about the girl enough.

And of course I wish that my husband hadn't found every other attractive sexy woman in sight enough to ogle and masturbate to; but that's probably unavoidable, to a large extent. He isn't seeing them fully naked. And he isn't watching them having sex. And those women were not having to work in pornography in order to "entertain" him. So although having your boyfriend rubberneck a group of pretty young girls when you are walking in the mall with him is embarrassing. Minimal damage is done when he jerks off to the memory of them in the shower.

If you can't [or won't] see the difference between images that you are unavoidable exposed to in real life.....and the manufactured images of nitroglycerin grade porn.....then I don't know how to explain it. I apologize for my lack of articulation.

Yes I've read some. I don't do it anymore because it's much much worse than watching porn. Not only do you get the full sexual details, you also get to feel how the person was enjoying cheating (and it's mostly cheating of one sort or another) or whatever it was they were doing.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Reading words on a page about people that don't exist doing things that never happened can't possible compare to actual real humans being recorded performing some of the craziest sh.t imaginable. There is no comparison. And people in porn scenarios are cheating frequently; mostly from what I can tell. And if your watching it that's part of the turn on.


Would you be OK with your man using that?
Cartoon porn, CGI? It's the lesser of two evils. I still find it soulless for married adults to use pornography to get aroused and get off. It's kind of pathetic. I guess I always thought of pornography as being for guys who were single; or for perverts.
I always thought of sex as being between just two people; in every way.



There's an enormous difference for a man orgasming to porn or masturbating and making love to someone he truly loves. One is like a good pee after holding it in all day while the other is like nothing else on earth,
I don't get that impression at all. I'll take your word for it that that's your experience.

But modern research is showing that for younger men, at least, who have been "raised" on porn----porn is far more satisfying and exciting than their real partners. If you don't believe me, investigate yourbrainonporn. Or Google "my husband prefers porn to me". You'll see how porn is now often a man's sex-of-choice, despite his wife/gf. lying in bed waiting for him. Check out some of the threads on this site in the SIM section.



This here is the problem. This shows he doesn't love or respect you. I or any decent man would NEVER do this.
You're referring to my husband comparing my body to more attractive bodies he's seen in porn.

He "loves" me. I am simply not as pretty as the women he viewed for years in print and film pornography. They are his ideal. He had very little verbal filtering when he was young and he told me what he thought.

Harsh and lacerating, yes. But honest. He's just more honest.

This is really sad. I think you have never had a man who truly loved you.
In the physical/sexual sense; I would have to agree with you. My husband loves me in other ways.



I
actually think a lot of that is because of the shame men feel around sex and porn; and the whole PC world we live in; if it was called instead "Respectful man has loving sex with career driven woman" I'd still watch it, but I'd somehow feel someone was in there manipulating this area of my life too.
You've got to be kidding me. The nasty-a.s.sed titles are what draws guys in. They allude to what the content is going to be like. A potent mixture of sex and hatred.



So you did this without talking to him first? I somehow get the feeling you DELIBERATELY left it there so he could find it. I can see how he was annoyed. At least he was upfront about his porn use with you.
I started asking him in 2013 to please have sex with me. Please have sex with me more often. Why don't we have sex as much anymore?

Meeting him at the door and asking him to come to bed and have sex.

Walking into the living room while he's watching TV and asking him to come and have sex.

Reaching over to him in bed and getting my hand pushed away.

So, he knew I wanted sex. He now knows he has low testosterone. He takes anti-depressants too. So, yes, he is now a 50-something guy with a much lower sex drive.

And I have told him point blank to his face that oral with fingers would be great. Just fingering would be great.

And he has less and less interest.

So I bought a sex toy for the first time in my life. And I don't know if I subconsciously left it by the sink for him to find. I know I didn't think about it much either way.

But, I didn't hide it from him. And he doesn't take my requests for sex seriously.

Interesting that you automatically blame me and take his side [the side of porn use]. But, okay.


Porn was not the problem here. Your husband's disrespect was.
I think porn and disrespect go hand in hand. But that's probably due to my experiences.
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