Sorry for the graphic thread title, but I've been in one of my depressive cycles these past few months and I've recently been unable to stop dwelling on this topic in my mind. I'm feeling quite unfulfilled and it's reminding me of all the other years/decades of my life when I've been unfulfilled. While it's not that sex itself is not fulfilling, and I don't really pressure myself to be one way or another, I try to take it organically, however all my life I've been fearful and reluctant of finishing inside my partner. In fact I've only ever done it with my first ever GF and my ex W, and no more than a dozen times (including the one time it took to conceive my child), I always finish outside. Mostly due to fear of unwanted pregnancy, because other birth control methods just haven't been something I or my partners have ever been fond of or could use.
So while I've mastered the art and science of the pullout method, so much of the time there is a part about sex that feels incomplete. My GF and I are completely open to discussing this, and have figured out some workarounds, such as during oral she will swallow sometimes (which has a much bigger emotional affect on me than when not). Neither of us want any more children, and both of us are against hormonal or chemical methods, and physical contraception has too many drawbacks for us. I'm not against a vasectomy at this point (a few years ago I was about to but wasn't 100% sure yet but now I am) I have just had so many other medical priorities this past year to deal with. In all of the few relationships I've had they have always become sexless and I find the joy of self-pleasuring myself is sometimes just more enjoyable than the worries that go along with a loving partner (not saying it's better, just that its so much easier and therapeutic), because I don't have to worry about the time of the month or hearing the infamous words "my period is late" again even though it always inevitably arrives a day or two later. This worry greatly reduces the frequency of sex in my relationships.
I guess I'm just concerned if it's just too long I've been like this... I am hoping that a vasectomy, after proven effective with testing, will help me shed some of the fear, but am I the only guy that has been so timid this way, is it that abnormal? And if there is any other men that have had similar hangups that later had the V done, did it help ease the overwhelming sense of responsibility that goes along with sex?
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