Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Can you change someone else's perception?

greeneyeddolphin · 08-01-2010, 09:08 PM

My boyfriend and I have had some problems lately that we have been working on. We are still working on them. One thing came up today, and we disagree on something. I'd like to get the views of others to see who might be more right here, to know if this is something I can do or not.

He feels I'm too clingy. I disagree. He gave examples of what he thought were my "clingy moments", let's call them. One that he said was that he claims I follow him outside every time he goes to smoke. I told him I don't, that most of the time when he goes out to smoke, I am either watching TV, reading, or in bed, and considering that I'm allergic and don't like smoke anyway, why would I follow him? I did acknowledge that yes, there have been a few times that I have followed him, simply because we were already having a discussion or I needed to talk to him and it was our only chance to be alone and have that discussion.

In the process of this "you're too clingy/no I'm not" back and forth, I told him that I don't feel that I'm too clingy, but that his perception is that I am. I told him that I feel that he's not telling me what he expects and wants and is just instead labelling me in his own mind and then looking for excuses to justify that label. He acknowledged that I might be right about that.

Later, in a continuation of that conversation, I told him that I will back off even more but that I can't do anything about his perception; it's up to him to change that. He disagrees, and says that I can change his perception.

I don't see how I can. Perception is all in someone's mind; it's how they see things, and I don't see how I can change how he sees things. I can back off, yes, and I can make changes, but if he is still looking to justify that perception that I'm too clingy, he'll continue to find excuses to do so. When I asked how I could change his perception, his response was "It's what salespeople do." That doesn't help me at all.

So, I guess the question(s) I am posing to you tonight are:

1. CAN you change someone else's perception?

2. If you think you can change someone else's perception, how do you go about that?

08-01-2010, 09:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
greeneyeddolphin Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 1,492	Can you change someone else's perception? My boyfriend and I have had some problems lately that we have been working on. We are still working on them. One thing came up today, and we disagree on something. I'd like to get the views of others to see who might be more right here, to know if this is something I can do or not. He feels I'm too clingy. I disagree. He gave examples of what he thought were my "clingy moments", let's call them. One that he said was that he claims I follow him outside every time he goes to smoke. I told him I don't, that most of the time when he goes out to smoke, I am either watching TV, reading, or in bed, and considering that I'm allergic and don't like smoke anyway, why would I follow him? I did acknowledge that yes, there have been a few times that I have followed him, simply because we were already having a discussion or I needed to talk to him and it was our only chance to be alone and have that discussion. In the process of this "you're too clingy/no I'm not" back and forth, I told him that I don't feel that I'm too clingy, but that his perception is that I am. I told him that I feel that he's not telling me what he expects and wants and is just instead labelling me in his own mind and then looking for excuses to justify that label. He acknowledged that I might be right about that. Later, in a continuation of that conversation, I told him that I will back off even more but that I can't do anything about his perception; it's up to him to change that. He disagrees, and says that I can change his perception. I don't see how I can. Perception is all in someone's mind; it's how they see things, and I don't see how I can change how he sees things. I can back off, yes, and I can make changes, but if he is still looking to justify that perception that I'm too clingy, he'll continue to find excuses to do so. When I asked how I could change his perception, his response was "It's what salespeople do." That doesn't help me at all. So, I guess the question(s) I am posing to you tonight are: 1. CAN you change someone else's perception? 2. If you think you can change someone else's perception, how do you go about that?