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Male Bathroom Etiquette

6K views 55 replies 27 participants last post by  Fozzy 
#1 ·
So here is a quick one as I encountered this situation a few days ago.

You are in a public bathroom with other dudes. You are taking a leek at the urinal and you realize that you need to poop as well. Do you:

a) Double dip, once done leeking you hit the crapper to finish things off
b) Leave without crapping. Either go to a different bathroom or go back to the bathroom a few minutes later
c) Crap your pants on the spot

I have no idea why, but I found myself instinctively walking out of the bathroom and going to a different bathroom in the building lol.

Side note - why the f$kc would someone think it sanitary that while dropping a deuce you should put your papers/tablet/coffee cup/etc... on the floor next to you ... :confused:
 
#3 ·
Happens all the time. My guess guys get coffee at the cafe and then as they are walking back to their office stop at the bathroom. Honestly it is nasty when you see someone put their stuff on the $hitter floor.
 
#4 ·
I absolutely hate public restrooms. I won't take a dump anywhere but home unless I totally have no choice.

As far as the coffee, I agree it's gross but what if there's no where else to put it? Not exactly gonna throw away a $5 cuppa when I've barely touched it yet. Not that I drink $5 coffee. Much prefer gas station "heavy fuel" to all that Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts crap.
 
#6 ·
Slow day, Ellis?

Guilty of bringing my coffee inside the toilet. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Since I'm female, I can't relate to the urinal issue, however I have had instances where I get out of the stall, wash my hands, and go back in because I suddenly realize it's a 2-phaser. Usually occurs after too much coffee. Probably explains why I should stop bringing it into the stall with me.
 
#9 ·
Slow day, Ellis?

Guilty of bringing my coffee inside the toilet. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Since I'm female, I can't relate to the urinal issue, however I have had instances where I get out of the stall, wash my hands, and go back in because I suddenly realize it's a 2-phaser. Usually occurs after too much coffee. Probably explains why I should stop bringing it into the stall with me.
Not a slow day, just too many random thoughts running through my head (which is unfortunately rather normal lol).

As far as the bolded, ummm .... probably doesn't read as how you meant it :grin2:
 
#14 ·
Female here, so can't address your original question, but I do just want to point out it's 'leak' and not 'leek'. :D

Sanitary napkin disposal receptacles are very useful to put drinks on when peeing in women's stalls. Unless they have a tilted lid. I have had to put beer on the floor at the football stadium before and I usually put a piece of toilet paper under it. Unless I've had a few, then I don't care :D
 
#17 ·
Guys, tell us honestly...

Are public men's restroom's like a giant dumpster? I ask because every single public female restroom I have ever been in smells and looks like a war zone. It boggles my mind. Tampons thrown everywhere, poo smears on the toilet seat, constantly unflushed toilets, toilet paper thrown everywhere, both dry and soggy. Sometimes I wonder if this is women's way of seeking revenge for all of the times they have to clean up after others? Finally, they have someone else who will clean up after them, so they go crazy and trash the whole place?

I'm constantly picking up crap from the stall floor because I'm so embarrassed on behalf of my gender for the state they leave things. I keep thinking that men get such a terrible rep for being slobs that you guys should know that you probably have nothing on your female counterparts.
 
#24 ·
Well I apparently live in one of the most innovative places in the US, so I guess it does have to do with geography if my experience is that rare!
 
#32 ·
confession time. I had a huge fear of public bathrooms when I was younger. Wouldn't go a school. I'm sure it stems from some long forgotten or surpressed childhood trauma. I was ok with the one toilet, lock the door type public bathrooms but could not go with other people around.

Once public men's rooms started putting the dividers between urinals I was able to use them. Also when I started staying out late drinking, well that doesn't leave you much choice - you use what you find open.

I still won't #2 in public unless I absolutely have to. Like if I'm tearing up from the pain. Otherwise it's home or hotel room.

the question you pose about what would you do if you were peeing and had to #2? That's a nightmare scenario. If I HAD to go, and nobody else was around I would then go into a stall. If others are around I would leave the restroom in pain.
 
#38 ·
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confession time. I had a huge fear of public bathrooms when i was younger. Wouldn't go a school. I'm sure it stems from some long forgotten or surpressed childhood trauma. I was ok with the one toilet, lock the door type public bathrooms but could not go with other people around.

Once public men's rooms started putting the dividers between urinals i was able to use them. Also when i started staying out late drinking, well that doesn't leave you much choice - you use what you find open.

I still won't #2 in public unless i absolutely have to. Like if i'm tearing up from the pain. Otherwise it's home or hotel room.

The question you pose about what would you do if you were peeing and had to #2? That's a nightmare scenario. If i had to go, and nobody else was around i would then go into a stall. If others are around i would leave the restroom in pain.
 
#36 · (Edited)
Now there are a few venues that I generally will not do #2 at: that being a sporting event, provided that I'm a spectator, a fast food restaurant, or a damned movie theater!

Those restrooms are generally so nasty, they'd make a damned buzzard puke!

But if Mother Nature is kicking my a$$ bad enough, then I'll just lose my pride and wipe it down real good with toilet tissue and go!
 
#39 ·
Back to the etiquette part. There are simple rules.

Do not ever, ever, talk to someone who has their junk in their hand. Even more important, do not ever, ever, ever talk to someone with your junk in your hand. Most importantly, do not ever, ever, ever, EVER talk to someone with their junk in your hands.
 
#40 ·
While on a road trip a long time ago, I pulled into a rest stop and went into the men's restroom. Instead of the usual enclosure for those who need to take a #2, this particular "enclosure" had half walls so you could see the guy taking a **** waist up. Why bother with the half walls? Has anyone else seen something like this?
 
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#41 · (Edited)
This might be unrelated but I heard this on a sports station on the radio the other day and it made me laugh like hell. Joe Buck, who has been announcing the NFL playoff games, was asked what was his most embarrassing moment. He said one time when he was doing a Green Bay Packers game at Lambeau Field he desperately had to take a leak but the commercial breaks were only 2 minutes and the bathroom was a long way from the press box. He had to resort to desperate measures. At the next commercial break he asked the female sports reporter in the room to leave, took the garbage can under his desk and whipped it out. Since he was so embarrassed he had to do this, it took awhile before anything happened. While he was still peeing the cameras went live on him chest high.
 
#42 ·
EW. NFL broadcasts will never be the same again. Gah.

In 2002 we were in Cuba and went to a baseball game in Havana and the 'washrooms' were holes in the floor with little boys running all over the place selling toilet paper. ZERO privacy and a wee bit hard for women let me tell you!!! I had to have a LOT of beer before I was able to use those facilities.
 
#48 ·
What do you do if you have to poop after peeing at the urinal? Wait till done peeing. Shake twice. Three times is playing with it. I shake like a hundred times cause I don't care, while I'm talking to someone in the next urinal cause I don't care.

Then, I put it back and make sure I don't do a "There's Something About Mary", while I'm zippering up. Turn, and walk to the stalls and do the rest of my business.

Tips?

Check the seat.

Check to see if anything is still remaining from the last guy. Don't play with the corn.

Put some tp in there so you don't splash yourself when the bomb drops.

Get off the commode and away quickly if it's an auto flush, cause you don't know if it will splash you or fill up and overflow. You gotta move to pull up your pants in case there is a flood. You don't want that on your shoes.

Oh, and men, don't try to flush your tampons. >:)

p.s.: I was a janitor for a short time and yes, the women's room tended to be "dirtier" than the men's room. tp shreds all over. Tampons unwrapped in the disposal container. Sometimes a clot smeared on the inside of the container or on the stall wall. Oh yeah, it was interesting and stomach turning.
 
#49 ·
I don't understand people bringing anything into an office restroom. And don't even get me started on people making phone calls from in there. C'mon man!

When I hear someone talking on their phone from inside a stall I wave my hand in front the urinal making it flush all the while I'm using it. 😬
 
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