Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Sex & dating question for the guys

7K views 57 replies 38 participants last post by  Juice 
#1 ·
Guys, would you get involved with a 40-something woman who:

1. Has never had PIV sex with anyone but her ex-husband of almost 25 years although she did engage in non PIV sexual behavior with a few guys before him

And

2. Told you she'd never once achieved orgasm through PIV sex due to her husband's lack of concern about her sexual needs

And

3. Has never had sex in any position other than missionary, doggy, or spoons?

And

4. Has been in a 100% sexless marriage for the last 13 years except for frequent solo sessions with her toy collection?

Would you consider this woman to be a challenge to see if you could make her enjoy sex, or would you consider her to be too high risk of being LD?
 
This post has been deleted
#6 ·
Guys, would you get involved with a 40-something woman who:



1. Has never had PIV sex with anyone but her ex-husband of almost 25 years although she did engage in non PIV sexual behavior with a few guys before him



And



2. Told you she'd never once achieved orgasm through PIV sex due to her husband's lack of concern about her sexual needs (but orgasms easily through oral or manual stimulation)



And



3. Has never had sex in any position other than missionary, doggy, or spoons?



And



4. Has been in a 100% sexless marriage for the last 13 years except for frequent solo sessions with her toy collection?



Would you consider this woman to be a challenge to see if you could make her enjoy sex, or would you consider her to be too high risk of being LD?


Yes. You just described me too.
 
#3 ·
40+ year old women scare me >:)

I don't see anything in your list that would indicate she is LD. If anything she could possibly be more willing/anxious to pursue an active/healthy sex life after missing out on one for so long.
 
#12 ·
I was LD with my husband. I hated sex with my husband he was both selfish in bed and sexually abusive.

I enjoyed the non PIV experiences I had with men before him but I was a teenager at the time. I was 21 when I married and there's been no one else since. So I don't honestly know how I would be with someone else. All I can tell you is I have a good sized collection of toys, Harlequin romances, and EL James books.
 
#10 ·
Been married for 30 years, so not dating, but hypothetically if I was:

1). No problem.

2). No problem, lots of women never orgasm through PIV. I'm happy to do other things to help or orgasm.

3). I enjoy a wide variety of sexual activities and would want a partner who is the same. If the lack of variety is due to a lack of opportunity, then this is not a problem. If she is not interested in variety then we would not be sexually compatible. (its fine for someone to only like limited things, but they would not be a good partner for *me*).

4). If it was not by her choice, then this is not a problem.

I have no problem with someone who has limited sexual experience due to lack of opportunity IF they are interested in increasing the range and frequency of activities. That doesn't mean that they need to immediately start engaging in all sorts of wild things, but I would want them to be interested in moving in that direction.
 
#13 ·
My STBX was not one for a wide range of sexual experiences. All he wanted was a warm body and 5 minutes and he was done. He preferred it from behind because he didn't like making eye contact during sex. On top of that he was definitely an *ss man. He barely ever touched my breasts at all unlike a former BF who loved them. We did try anal once - I didn't really want to but he insisted. Never again. I ended up in the hospital with a tear so bad I had to have stitches. So for any guy who considers no anal a deal breaker I guess he'd need to move on to the next woman. I think I'd be up for other things other than spanking or other types of pain infliction. I have an extremely low pain tolerance so that doesn't appeal to me at all. And I can't see myself as either partner in a dom-sub relationship. I'm not good at either taking or receiving orders...

If I trusted a guy enough I'd probably be more than willing to try some of the stuff I've come across in my reading. But, I don't know how long it would take to develop that trust. My STBX did some real damage.
 
#15 ·
Sorry Hello, i thought you were a man......in wrote in your other post, thinking i was responding to a man about a woman. but my answer is the same...the organ that matters the most is your brain...in there is everything that would drive a pleasurable sexual life or not. if you did not feel open with your ex, this is an opportunity to investigate your own sexual needs and desire, don't be afraid to read books, join a woman's group, look at videos, embrace your body and find out what brings you pleasure and what brings you pain...do not let a man define your limits, do not let a man push how farther than your ready...but don't be afraid to expand your mind either.
 
#16 ·
No.
The reasons are complex, and could be considered insulting but based on the original post If I heard that list presented in those words on a first date it would be the last date as well.
Your follow up adds some positive and some negative aspects.
I would also be interested in whether or not your toys are vibrators.

I think that at least some of the problem is that I have been in a Mismatched drive relationship and I would be strongly motivated to avoid a repeat. (erring against you)
 
#18 ·
Would you mind elaborating? I'd like to know especially what you consider the negatives and why.

And yes, the toys are vibrators. I use them probably about every 2-3 days. If I lived alone, it might be more often but I'm not comfortable using them when the family is home. It's an old house with VERY thin walls 😉
 
#17 ·
Sorry, I'm not a man... but if I may....

I married as a virgin at 20 to another virgin...that was all I knew for 20 years. We learned together and all was great, he was always very unselfish as was I, which of course benefited both of us. I did have plenty of orgasms.

When I returned to the dating world, it was petrifying in a way, because I felt everyone had a tremendous amount more experience, especially with different partners. The one guy I dated (who turned out to be a BIG regret) was older than me, and frankly I learned a TON from him in a short amount of time. He didn't mind at all my lack of partners or the fact that I would never fake an O. He said I was by far the best sex of his life. Who knows if that was true, he probably says that to all the girls...

I can't imagine declining to pursue a relationship with someone because of those things. Sounds like she had a lousy husband in the sack. The fact that she has toys etc shows her interest in sex and orgasms. It's almost a perk that she doesn't have much sexual "baggage". Totally just my opinion.
 
#19 ·
STBX was beyond lousy. He was selfish. Forceful. Brutal. I didn't realize it until years later but I know now that at times what he did to me constituted marital rape. His focus was always completely on himself. I think I could have been a blow up doll for all he cared. Foolish me I was so in love with him outside the bedroom that I ignored all the red flags that were flying over the bed.
 
#38 ·
Hate to say it, but I agree with this. That would throw off major red flags for me.

Have you considered getting some FWBs to get more experience? Nothing wrong with that. You're an adult. And it may get you over the hump (pun not intended, but it's funny now that I read it).

Are you asking this because you've been turned down or have you not started dating yet? Also, I wouldn't bring this up on a first date or even very early in a possible relationship. Who knows? it could be irrelevant and you could happen to meet someone who you have immediate and intense chemistry with and you might surprise yourself. I'm a strong believer in chemistry between people. There are just the "ones" that rock your world.

And, yes, for many it absolutely would be an exciting challenge to try and crack that nut, for some men. So, that could be fun for you as well.
 
#23 ·
We'd probably be a mismatch for anything lasting, but it might be fun for temporarily. In fact, I did have one such relationship, and we both had fun (if somewhat constrained by her limited experience).
 
  • Like
Reactions: towerdave43
#24 ·
Sure I'd get involved with a woman like that.

Nothing to say I'd stay involved but with a different guy she could be a different woman.

I dated an Asian chick who was in an old fashioned marriage for most of her life, not too much other than plain vanilla sex.

Among other things I introduced her to facials.

She was like a blank canvas, and my penis was the brush. I suppose you can figure out what I used for paint.
 
#26 · (Edited)
Guys, would you get involved with a 40-something woman who:

1. Has never had PIV sex with anyone but her ex-husband of almost 25 years although she did engage in non PIV sexual behavior with a few guys before him
And
2. Told you she'd never once achieved orgasm through PIV sex due to her husband's lack of concern about her sexual need
And
3. Has never had sex in any position other than missionary, doggy, or spoons?
And
4. Has been in a 100% sexless marriage for the last 13 years except for frequent solo sessions with her toy collection?

Would you consider this woman to be a challenge to see if you could make her enjoy sex, or would you consider her to be too high risk of being LD?
I'm 48 and If I were single I would definitely not let those things scare me off. Being with someone I trust and respect as a person, who is good to others, who I'm proud to be with, and who I believed wanted to be with me for the same reasons is very important.

After those things then zero drive might matter but not low drive. I think a lot of LD partners wouldn't be quite as LD if everything else in the relationship were on more solid ground. Not all but many. I mean if you're in it for the long haul then wake up with someone you who makes you smile when you think about them.
 
#28 ·
I would consider dating someone like that, though in reality the personal information wouldn't likely be known ahead of time. Currently I am not interested in a deep long term relationship or marriage, and to be honest I am pretty jaded about relationships.

I have never had PIV with anyone other than my xw. I'm guessing there are a fair number of newly single people out there, male and female, who are in similar positions. Or, who were in very long term marriages and whose other sexual experience was limited in scope a very long time ago. Yes, it seems a bit intimidating to get back out dating and having sex, but we aren't actually unusual.

Obviously there were major marital problems for every one of us who is divorced. I don't think you should worry too much. Also, I would not disclose too much too soon in new relationships. My plan is to just go slowly into dating, not taking it too seriously.
 
#32 ·
I would want to gain some experience with her. #1, 2 and 3 are common. I've known a few women for whom orgasm could only be achieved through oral. As long as they're eager to participate and help me understand their needs, it's all good. I've met very few women who found doggy or spoon comfortable. Mind you, although I'm old, I was never a stud, so my entire lifetime of experience is just about a dozen, not much of a sample size. Of that dozen, only about a third were interested in doing oral, while almost all enjoyed being on the receiving end.

I don't think #4 has any bearing on your decision, unless you think her willingness to stay for 13 years is a bad sign.
 
#33 ·
She sounds like she could be a hell of a lot of fun. I figure it this way.

She liked sex well enough to try different positions.

She does more than just piv.

She is innovative and adventurous because she thought to get some toys and use them till they burned up. I just added the burned up part for some humor.

She isn't afraid to try new things.

She's got great character and doesn't make rash decisions.

Good to go. I wonder what her personality is like? I wonder what kinds of movies she likes? Does she eat popcorn while watching or some kind of candy, or maybe something else? Does she like butter on her popcorn or plain?

;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: SunnyT
#37 ·
Why not? We're new to each other!

If I'm going to be disappointed, let me find out all of my own accord! There are certainly some consummate "deal breakers" in the sexual arena just as there are in the non-sexual one!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top