I've been reading many posts, and see I'm not alone. I'm one of many that have been here. I'm 4 months post separation, praying we may reconcile. I love my wife with all my heart, she brought pure joy into my life, and I cannot imagine not spending the rest of my life with her. I truly hope this is just a challenge we must overcome.
I'm not sure what to hope for by posting my story. I guess I'm hoping for some advice, support, encouragement, etc. I also think it may help me get through this. I'm not sure how much detail to go into, but for for now I'll skim the surface.
My wife and I are now separated. I never saw it coming. By accident I found out that she was leaving me. that bit is vital in understanding how bad communication was, and why things are seem so impossible to rectify right now. because we're still not really communicating. She didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to "escape" it.
I've learned that she carefully planed her "escape ". she secured an apartment, and she had planned on moving out after a short business trip, that changed when I found out sooner then expected. She left me suddenly, with no warning not even an argument or discussion. We had issues, stemming from my previous marriage (all the things you'd expect but much worse). I know I made mistakes, I didn't put our relationship first while I dealt with the baggage from the previous marriage, poor financial decisions, spending to find happiness, I got depressed when my children left every weekend. i could go on, but I think you get the idea.
About a month post separation, she started talking to me again, and said that she thought maybe we could continue to be a couple but live apart, seeing each other once or twice a week. she didn't want to do counseling, but eventually she agreed to try it. I don't think that went well, i think it was to focused on the past, and not focused enough the goal of reconciling. It was to me, to much focused on the how did we get to this place instead of how to we get to that place. Maybe that is where I'm really wrong- maybe that is what I need to understand, but right now I'm not sure I'm ready to explore that because It brings back all the pain and suffering of when she told me she was leaving me.
I really want to make this work, but realistically i'm going to need to rent out a room in my house in order to keep it, and once I do that, a reconciliation to me, becomes more much more challenging. I'm also feeling like if she really wanted to reconcile, moving back in would make it a heck of a lot easier, am I right? She certainly has made her point and gotten my attention.
Has anyone ever successfully reconciled after months, or years apart? that's what the timeline of this is looking like. not that there is any commitment of a timeline to begin with. Which is part of my suffering, there is not a commitment to even reconcile, its more about talking about the past, not about the future.
Thanks for listening
Paul
I'm not sure what to hope for by posting my story. I guess I'm hoping for some advice, support, encouragement, etc. I also think it may help me get through this. I'm not sure how much detail to go into, but for for now I'll skim the surface.
My wife and I are now separated. I never saw it coming. By accident I found out that she was leaving me. that bit is vital in understanding how bad communication was, and why things are seem so impossible to rectify right now. because we're still not really communicating. She didn't want to talk about it, she just wanted to "escape" it.
I've learned that she carefully planed her "escape ". she secured an apartment, and she had planned on moving out after a short business trip, that changed when I found out sooner then expected. She left me suddenly, with no warning not even an argument or discussion. We had issues, stemming from my previous marriage (all the things you'd expect but much worse). I know I made mistakes, I didn't put our relationship first while I dealt with the baggage from the previous marriage, poor financial decisions, spending to find happiness, I got depressed when my children left every weekend. i could go on, but I think you get the idea.
About a month post separation, she started talking to me again, and said that she thought maybe we could continue to be a couple but live apart, seeing each other once or twice a week. she didn't want to do counseling, but eventually she agreed to try it. I don't think that went well, i think it was to focused on the past, and not focused enough the goal of reconciling. It was to me, to much focused on the how did we get to this place instead of how to we get to that place. Maybe that is where I'm really wrong- maybe that is what I need to understand, but right now I'm not sure I'm ready to explore that because It brings back all the pain and suffering of when she told me she was leaving me.
I really want to make this work, but realistically i'm going to need to rent out a room in my house in order to keep it, and once I do that, a reconciliation to me, becomes more much more challenging. I'm also feeling like if she really wanted to reconcile, moving back in would make it a heck of a lot easier, am I right? She certainly has made her point and gotten my attention.
Has anyone ever successfully reconciled after months, or years apart? that's what the timeline of this is looking like. not that there is any commitment of a timeline to begin with. Which is part of my suffering, there is not a commitment to even reconcile, its more about talking about the past, not about the future.
Thanks for listening
Paul