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My wife is watching gang bang porn

45K views 75 replies 26 participants last post by  Saibasu 
#1 ·
My wife (who is 24, I am 30) has been watching porn lately. That in itself is not a problem. I have never minded if she watched, though she said she didn't. It's not that she's watching porn, it's the content that she is watching. She does it privately, multiple times a day. She hides it from me.

She has been watching gang bang porn. Not only just gang bangs, but bondage gang bangs and one that she watched over and over easily could have passed as a rape gang bang. I don't know what to think about it, this cannot be normal?

I am her only sexual partner. She has never done anything like that before, nor given any sign that she wants to. I am NOT into that. I haven't mentioned this to her yet... I don't know what to say. She is a very quiet, sweet woman, this isn't what I'd ever expect from her. Is this just normal fantasies?

Please don't troll... I seriously debated posting this. I tried to just Google it but all I came back with was every porn site on the web.
 
#3 ·
Our sex life is ok. The sex isn't mind blowing, never has been though. She has never talked to me about her fantasies, she said she didn't have any. I don't know if this is a recent thing she's discovered or if it's always been something she's liked. I feel like, looking back, she has tested the waters with things she has said to me. Gang bangs, even just MMF, are not happening. I had my fun back in my younger days.

She's also watched gay men porn, which at first I found odd but I guess that's no different than a man watching lesbian porn.
 
#4 · (Edited)
We all have our fantasies and they're endless.

If she watches porn, just be honest and say, I watch porn from time to time.

One of her fantasies is to be almost raped, tied to the bed? I would say, do this fantasy with her and get good at it. She will remember that.....or you can say, I'm not into that and nuts to her. She will remember that as well....as long as its between the two of you.

Take care of her needs and she will take care of your needs.

That means doing things you may not love to do but she is your wife and time to man up and take care of her fantasy.....find out how to surprise her, tie her down and have sex with her....blind fold her.....rock her world. You will bond together even more.

Buy something like this

https://www.alibaba.com/product-det...60285940060.html?spm=a2700.7724838.0.0.yJG7J4

Tie her to the bed, blind folded, use this on her while you have sex with her......I think she would never forget that.
 
#7 ·
We all have our fantasies and they're endless.

If she watches porn, just be honest and say, I watch porn from time to porn.

One of her fantasies is to be almost raped, tied to the bed? I would say, do this fantasy with her and get good at it. She will remember that.....or you can say, I'm not into that and nuts to her. She will remember that as well....

Take care of her needs and she will take care of your needs.

That means doing things you may not love to do but she is your wife and time to man up and take care of her fantasy.....find out how to surprise her, tie her down and have sex with her....blind fold her.....rock her world. You will bond together even more.

Buy something like this

https://www.alibaba.com/product-det...60285940060.html?spm=a2700.7724838.0.0.yJG7J4

Tie her to the bed, blind folded, use this on her while you have sex with her......I think she would never forget that.
The farthest I've gone (which was with a different woman) into BDSM was handcuffs. That was enough for me. I really don't think I'd be able to go THIS far with her. She hasn't talked to me about it ever, should I try and get it out of her? Maybe if I pretended to be into it she'd "show interest". She's quite a shy person. It took a long time for her to even tell me what felt good and what didn't, still working on that really. A machine like that could eliminate the need for additional men.

Maybe the conversations you've had where you feel like she's testing the waters are her trying to gauge your reaction to her being truthful about her fantasies? I've mentioned a few things I think I'd like to my husband. He didn't seem interested so I tend to keep my fantasies to myself because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I'd rather have sex with him that we both enjoy. Maybe your wife is doing the same? Has she ever explored these types of things prior to you? It could be she got lost on a porn site one day and her interest in these things spiralled from there.

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She was a complete virgin before we met. She had only kissed one guy and it didn't progress from there. It does worry me that she'll want to explore her sexuality now because she never has. We have never explored anything like this. She has always said she had no fetishes or fantasies. I was with a virgin for 3 years before I met my wife and she ended up cheating with a large number of men. So the fear could be stemming from that.
 
#10 ·
So I read some erotica that described the heroine having sex with multiple partners simultaneously. It was sci-fi erotica (which is somehow more morally acceptable in my mind, which I know makes no sense). I did not have any experience in the mechanics of such things, so I was curious about how it would work. Geometrically, so to speak. So I looked at some porn similar to what you describe. I think.

Anywho. It was weird ... and arousing. Probably because of the hangover effect from the erotica, more then in and of itself. But I did enjoy watching it, which freaked me out. Especially because "normal" porn leaves me cold. This led to a conversation with my husband. This was a good thing. Because it opened up our discussion of sexual fantasies. No, we do not now or EVER intend to have multiple partner or other-partner-of any-kind sex. But my husband asked me why I was aroused by it. And I explained that I was turned on by the thought of being helpless, and of being surrounded. So we incorporated some of that into occasional sex play. No, we did not go all 50 shades of grey, either. But it definitely added spice to our sex life.

I agree with @Mollymolz that lots of people watch things in porn that they would never want to do in real life. She is hiding it from you because she is ashamed of watching it, perhaps ashamed of being aroused by it, or because she thinks you will judge her. The problem with hiding things is that it is easier to become obsessed with forbidden things. If you do judge her for this, then I would let it go as a private thing that she is entitled to do in her own fantasy world. But I think that this would be sad. Because we are wired in strange and wonderful ways. And sex is about discovery. Don't judge her. Tell her you noticed, but that you were more concerned about her keeping it a secret from you than about the actual content. And then ask her why she watches it. I say again, don't judge her. Just invite her to open her heart and mind to you.
 
#12 ·
@CuddleBug :eek: [BIG EYES] that is quite a ... uh ... machine.

OK - I was thinking to start a lot smaller. For example, (and to be fairly blunt) something that worked well for me was trying an anal plug during normal vaginal sex. Get the surrounded feeling but with nothing that needs to be plugged in (no pun intended). And just the two of you. Did I mention "Start small!" enough?

... still blinking.
 
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#13 ·
If she is into rape porn, imagine two guys pounding her hard.

You and this sexual aid or something else she might love. But you get the general idea.

Start blind folding her, tie her to the bed, you use a toy on her and also have sex with her. That's pretty close, right?

I'm sure she will be very surprised and blown away. Happy wife happy life.
 
#16 ·
If there is a type of porn that is legal here, I have probably at least watched it out of curiosity. Porn and fantasizing can be a good thing if it enhances rather than detracts from your sex life.

Although, I have watched it before, I have no interest in being part of a gang bang, or BDSM, glory holes, or any other such thing. I also am not a lesbian, though it has been watched too.

As long as she sees it as ONLY a fantasy, you are good to go. Maybe role play with her, but never introduce anyone else into the mix or encourage that.

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#19 ·
Your wife is a sexual being. Sexual beings have fantasies. Doesn't mean she is going to act on them. Just talk to her. There is nothing to be embarrass about. People are freaky, it doesn't mean they are cheaters or have bad morals, it just means they like to escape. Seriously if you just talk about it, it may be good for your marriage. If you make it shameful it probably won't be.

Not saying you have to do anything you are uncomfortable with, but have fun with it.
 
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#20 ·
Lots of people have sexual fantasies that they would never want to act out in real life. Bondage / rape fantasies are very common. It may be more the idea of being taken / forced / raped that excites her, not the multiple partners.

I'm not surprised / concerned that she hasn't told you - its the sort of thing that people find too embarrassing to talk about.

Things are fine, you don't need to do anything. If you do want to explore this then try some very mild suggestion for play in bed. See if she wants to watch 50 shades. Or joke about throwing her on the bed and having your way with her. Do it in a way that lets her easily back out, or escalate.
 
#21 ·
i would guess she has a strong rape fantasy. Some women do. They like the idea of being forced "against their will" to have sex, and secretly enjoy it. I hear some women are the same way about anal sex, that is so degrading and controlling, that it turns them on.

You can role play the fantasy with her, help her to explore it in a healthy way with you. Maybe she blindfolds herself to not see you. then you tie her up and have your way with her, forcing her to do things she normally would not do. Then leave the house. You, her husband, comes back home a few minutes later from the corner store to remove her blindfold, untie her, and "discover" that she had been violated.

there are all sorts of variations. Some couples dress up in animal costumes, and have sex as animals would.
 
#22 ·
If she's that shy it would make sense that a helpless scenario would be erotic. That fantasy is about being the center of a sexual festival with no responsibility for admitting or having sexuality. Many people are ashamed about basic hard core sexuality but this fantasy allows a woman to be completely sexual without expressing it - it's taken and forced but she gets the benefit of it.

Did she have a particularly moral or religious upbringing? Maybe she is turned on by sex but feels it's shameful a little bit inside.

Anyway I think you can do very simple, subtle things to find out. When on top work your hands up and grab her wrists and more forcefully have sex - just a bit and just a bit more selfishly - and restrain her wrists just a little (as in allowing her to move them and free herself if she wants). You might find she "gives in" a bit and lets you take some control. That might indicate she wants you to play with that sensation a little. As in, put your hand on the back of her head and gently but somewhat firmly push her to blow you... things like that without asking... these are simple basic shifts in control that many find erotic.

Just a few thoughts


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#23 ·
No its not normal, it seems she is addicted to this violent type of porn and she much stop watching it for her own good and the good of the marriage.The more she watches the more she is feeding what is not helpful for her.
 
#33 ·
The addiction aspect worries me most. For some people, porn really is an addiction like a drug. If she is getting into that territory it will be harmful to her and the family.

It could be her hormones are a bit whacky from the recent child birth. If her sex drive is off the charts she may be needing to get a release frequently, and she may be interested in things she never was before.

As long as the content of the porn remains a fantasy I would't worry that she is watching gang bang sex. Just because she finds it exciting to watch doesn't mean she has any intention or desire to do it in real life.

I'm not sure what you're worried about, though. Do you think she may be considering cheating? Or maybe she wants an open marriage or to try swinging?
 
#50 ·
:smile2:

You do not watch "that" which you do not "like".

That is a paradox.

When you like something, you like it.

If you like some types of porn, you like the interplay, the back and forths, the ins and outs.

You may not actually do it, but you inwardly would like to.

Don't hedge, don't tap dance. If you cannot be honest with yourself..who can you be honest with.
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sometimes I get very angry about certain places in the world that are human waste dumps. The people are ignorant and savage. I would like to nuke those places. Would I do it if I had the chance?

No. But I would "like to".
 
#47 ·
@Diana7, I don't think that anyone is denying your right to enjoy your sex however you want to. I'm also sure that no-one here is disputing that you are very much enjoying it. But your experience is unique to you.

Regarding your comment above - would you make the same claim that your experience should speak for all when it comes to food, art or music? We are sensual creatures, each of us wired differently. Can you acknowledge that others can also be enough in tune with their own bodies and fantasies that they might get enjoyment from things that bring you no pleasure?

I hate liquorice, but love coriander. I hate rap, but love heavy metal. I love poetry but hate ballet. I love having the back of my neck bitten, but hate a tongue anywhere near my ear. I love feeling helpless during sex, but (usually) hate being on top. I love it when my husband calls me on the way home from a business trip and tells me what to wear when I greet him on my knees in our bedroom, but I hate it when I am politely asked for sex (like it was a cup of tea - true story, total turn-off).

My point is that our sex lives with our partners should be safe spaces. (As a side note, the state of my sex life is a very accurate gauge of the health of my marriage. When we play, I know trust and communication are high. When we don't, then things are usually not going well.) I would no more explore a rape fantasy with someone I didn't know loved and cherished me than I would walk drunk through city streets after midnight (or anywhere, anytime for that matter). But feeling the adrenalin rush of being powerless underneath someone who I do know loves and cherishes me? That, like a spicy curry, is something I can very much enjoy every now and then.
 
#58 ·
We are hijacking the OPs thread.
@sly8 how do you know she watches gang bang porn? Did she tell you openly or did you find it on her computer snooping?

What alarms me is not the content, but the frequency. Watching porn Multiple times a day is what makes your wife's case abnormal.

So did she tell you she does this multiple times a day or do you spy on her? Has she came out and talk to you about the gang bang porn? This is important because this is when people want to make the transition from fantasy to reality. Or in some form.
 
#59 ·
Gang bangs are not an uncommon fantasy that women have. It is the ultimate in being show how desired you are. Around here there is a private club that you can join by paying at the door, where women can be gang banged in a safe environment. They get to chose the men and what can be done to them by each one. The club is just a gang bang club and they get around the law of prostitution by making it club dues and not pay for sex. Husbands bring wives and there is usually 2-3 women for 25 guys. Not all participate. Some watch. To have a dedicated club for gang bangs in a major city shows how popular it is. If they do not have an volunteers, they get porn actresses to fill in the empty slots, pun intended.

I had a girlfriend who constantly needed validation that she was as hot as she was as a high school cheerleader. She did that by having sex with every man she met that would accommodate her. One day she walked into my living room and asked my three best friends to gang bang her, me included of course. They did not want to but she gave us all oral sex and I kicked her out the next day.

In practice, organizing a gang bang is not as easy as it sounds. We think all guys will jump at the chance to have free sex with a good looking woman. The reality is that most guys do not want to be naked and have sex in a group of men. Penis size, body and performance issues all come into play. Most times some of the guys are so nervous that they do not show up and you end up with a three or foursome instead. Some are so nervous that they cannot get an erection or ejaculate too fast. There are also men who think that just because they had sex with your wife that she is automatically their girlfriend and will try to get her to have sex with them alone. You also have to deal with the issue of some becoming upset if they are told that they cannot do this or that sex act that they thought they would be able to do.

What you see in porn is paid actors. Guys who have done this before. Trying to find these guys via ads is downright dangerous and no matter how you find the guys you will have to deal with all sorts of problems with them. My ex girlfriend had the right idea, there was a group of us four men already there but none of us wanted to gang bang her. That is the reality. So I would not worry unless your wife hangs out with less then classy guys who have done this before. Having all your friends gang bang your wife is a porn thing, not a reality thing as I found out. Plus when you have people you know have sex with your girlfriend or wife, they do not think you are a cool guy, alpha male, have a good or trusting marriage. They think less of you and talk about you behind your back. Also I lost two girlfriends to friends after we had groups sex. When I married my wife I made sure that she was a virgin and did not even have oral sex yet. I kept her away from friends and am no longer trust friend or women 100%. They are good liars and will insist that they were not cheating even if you saw then naked in bed with someone. If that does not work, they cry. If that does not work they blame you for making them cheat.

Perhaps this is why I did not have a monogamous marriage, you think? Despite being careful in my selection of a wife, she turned out to be biseuxal as are the only other two girls in my life since the age of 15. I seem to be a bisexual magnet so I had to worry about cheating with girls as well as guys all of my life. Luckily my wife will not have sex with anyone else unless I take part. She is old fashioned that way. :) She is a very conservative woman who does not like to even talk about sex but the things she has done is more than most of those outwardly sexually aggressive woman do. You cannot judge a wife by the cover. :)

Unless your wife has no body issues and is comfortable in handling a group of strangers who want to have sex with her, I would not worry. Gang bangs are hard to setup but if a woman meets a group of guys willing to do it after a few drinks, you never know. I was shocked when my wife accepted an invitation to wife swap but she drank too much that night. I went along with it and she hated it so much that she never wanted to have sex with another man again, except me. Girls were a different matter. :)
 
#60 ·
I myself am Anti-porn, that being said, if YOU don't mind her watching in general, then the content shouldn't matter. Gang bangs can be pretty savage looking, but maybe that's what she wants ? you to be an ANIMAL. I'm all for respectful loving sex, but damn, some times we just want to be ****ed, hard and dirty. Yah know? My husband was pretty mild once upon a time, now not so much. He though he wouldn't be into kinky stuff and I never seen him.enjoyng it either, but DAMN were we wrong.

For me it's about the alpha-ness of it all. Maybe your wife is looking for something a little more hardcore. I suggest investing in a quality sex swing, those things are amazing. And it may be a more milder way to give her the wildness she's looking for without bringing others into the bedroom (don't cross that line just for her sake, you will never feel right about it after)
 
#61 ·
OP, she's only 24. And you're her only partner? She's still a kid. I'd be shocked if she DIDN'T explore other things. If anything, you should be excited she's trying to figure out what turns her on! Fantasies are NORMAL and HEALTHY. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool. I'd be more concerned if she didn't fantasize. I would approach it gently, and even offering to watch stuff with her. Ask her what she likes to watch and don't judge or criticize. DO NOT make her feel bad about it!!! You say she's quiet, so maybe she needs some gentle coaxing out of her shell. Tell her you want to make sure she's satisfied and you're ok (and happy/exited about it) she's exploring her sexuality. Let her know it's ok. Just because she's watching GB clips doesn't mean you're bound to come home to the FedEx crew nailing her one day.

There are so many kinks and genres of porn, that even some of the crazier ones can turn a person on. Hell, I won't even admit some of the stuff I'm sort of fascinated to watch here, but would be horrified if my wife did something like what I see sometimes.

The huge risk people take when getting married so young is that they don't even know who they are yet, what they like, what they ultimately want, etc. In your case, you could unleash a sexual beast - or make her repress her feelings and pay for it later on down the line. Foster the first option. You may have a freak on your hands. You just don't know it. :D Good luck!!
 
#71 ·
I'm conscious that I'm hijacking the OP's thread here, but I also think that this dialogue should be useful for him.

Diana, I think that what people are responding to so negatively (whether you intend it or not) is that it feels like you are judging everyone who doesn't hold the same position as you. That people who enjoy "these things" are somehow dirty or perverted. You need to realise that this often about an experience that they share with their spouse that brings them both great pleasure and intimacy, not something done furtively in a back alley somewhere. That said, like @SunCMars, I believe that every voice has the right to be heard. And I believe that all disagreements should be respectful.

As I said earlier in this thread, people are wired differently. And that I do believe that very strongly. A few years ago, I ran into an alternative marriage lifestyle choice defined as "Taken in Hand", which interestingly, I found via a mainstream Christian forum. The rabid feminist in me who has slumbered since my 'varsity days awoke and prowled about growling within me on reading about it. But I was fascinated by how some of it appealed to me at a very basic, sexual level. It made no intellectual sense. Unpacking my response with my husband's help made a huge difference to my sex life. It was good before, but became far more afterwards.

I can appreciate that porn and particularly "gang bang porn" are anathema to someone who is wired the way that you and your husband clearly are; and who has the beliefs that you clearly share. But I don't think that it is helpful to tell the OP that he should shine the light of shame on his wife for how she is choosing to deal with the stresses of being a new mother. In fact, I think that it could be hugely detrimental to any of their further intimacy should he choose to approach it this way. I also believe very strongly that encouraging him to use the current situation as a platform for intimate and honest dialogue could be incredibly sexually rewarding for both of them.

Personally I feel that communication is the most powerful marital aid there is. And that shame and fear of being judged are the greatest barrier to a fulfilling sex life. Some couples are lucky enough to achieve really good sexual chemistry almost immediately and some are not. Most of us, I suspect, lie somewhere in between. For me, whenever I have found the courage to be more honest with my husband about what really makes me feel desired, loved and cherished, the rewards have been great. And vice versa.
 
#73 ·
If I found out my wife was watching gang bang porn, I honestly don't think it would bother me in the slightest.

I agree with the others in this thread who say that what one watches, porn-wise, does not mean they would actually partake in it IRL.

Whether it's right or it's wrong, porn is often a way of exploring, of seeing what else is out there, of seeing the many different ways in which people express their sexuality. It's also an escape.

If OP's wife is watching gang bang porn, that is not at all indicative of her true desires - it's just that it turns her on. It's different, and there's an element of taboo to it.

As for why she watches it several times a day, I wouldn't worry too too much about that, either. Given her current circumstances of being at home all day with a young child, I can kind of understand where her mind is at. I was once unemployed for about 6 months a long time ago (had quit a good job to move across the country, moved back within a few months. Good thing we had a lot of savings to tide us over. Anyway.) Basically, my brain somewhat went to jello, and for that period of time, I had no real sense of purpose, other than job hunting.

Doing something out of the ordinary is almost like an escape for her, I imagine. Doing something that is "unmotherly" and a little out of her norm is creating a little excitement and/or routine in her day-to-day life.

Moreover, it's likely a way of her to break free of that "so this is my life now" mental space she's probably in. She has no one to talk to, nobody to really socialize with, and all her days are probably pretty much exactly the same. So she escapes, sometimes several times a day, in a safe way. In a way that makes her feel, rightly or wrongly, like she's a little on the edge.

For me, when I had that six months of hell, I started out just fine. By about month 3 or 4, I was stir-crazy. I got almost fixated on two things - showering and masturbating. I'd shower 2 or 3 times a day, and masturbate at least as much. Both things just allowed me to relax and escape for short periods of time. I obviously didn't need to shower that often, and as for masturbation, it wasn't about me being excited or turned on by anything. Both things just became these weird habits that had no effect other than to break up the day and give me purpose, as small as it was.

(FYI, we were living in rental homes at the time, so I couldn't spend my days renovating or painting or otherwise keeping busy that way. And the only vehicle we had at that time, my ex wife used for work. Not to get to work, she used it FOR work, so I couldn't drive her in and have a vehicle to run errands etc with. There was truly nothing I could do with my days during that time, other than job hunt... Ugh, worst period of my life by far.)
 
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