Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - red flags everywhere or am I crazy?
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post #1 of (permalink) Old 03-08-2017, 02:05 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 33
red flags everywhere or am I crazy?

Been married to wife for 8 years. We meet at a club, she approached me. After a few weeks of dating we went to the club with a guy and a girl and my wife(gf at time) grinded hardcore on the guy in front of me. I asked her about it and she said it was cuz he got us in for free.

Anyways, My wife started working at an insurance place inside a grocery store. She got a new boss transferred in to her branch because he had a sexual harassment claim against him so he went to my wife's branch. She says he only adjusted himself in front of a girl. She also said he's married, but him and his wife hate each other but can't split due to religion. This manager I guess would take all his employees out to lunches for their reviews and sometimes take them out to Starbucks or the like, but only him and them one-on-one. So my wife would go alone with him in his car like everyone else she said. She first said the reviews were once a month then she changed that to once a quarter. Fast forward one year, he quits and after 4 months she got transferred to another branch after they hired someone else for his old manager spot. Seems weird that they transferred her she says they asked her if she wanted to transfer and she did cuz she didn't get the manager spot or that they were trying to get rid of the girl that transferred with her. I don't know maybe he quit to hang with her more and she got trnsferred cuz they were doing stuff. Anyway, I forgot to mention he lives in another city about 40 minutes away. Well he kept texting her when he quit about once a month and it was a text, text back, then text back so pretty short. Then she texted him first one day which was a little longer conversation. Well, I guess he would come down to our town once in a while and come see her at her store. I saw one text where she said she misses those yummy treats, but nothing before that like it was deleted or he brought in something to her? Well then she got a promotion and was now travelling to his city and ours. He sent her a text asking her if he could buy her lunch she said no that we are on vacation and he said to tell me hi then told her she was the best employee he had and she said he was the best manager. Then he kept texting her about every couple of months. One was asking her to lunch which she said she declined and another she said that he wanted to know a good sushi resteraunt for him and his client, but come to find out she now says that he texted her while she was at a sushi place and her boss wanted to meet him so she invited him and he didn't sit with them and had no client(so confusing to figure out these lies). Fast forward a bit, she got fired from her job about two years ago. And the next day she said she was going to lunch in his city with him because he got a job interview with his friend for her. I asked her how he knew she lost her job she said probably someone there told him. So I have these crazy suspicions and asked her if the two of them ever did anything she said no and that she never did anything innappropriate with anyone ever and started crying. She said she felt that he had a crush on her, she finally tells me this after 3 years. I said how do you know? She said because he's very nice to me. I saw a text between her and her friend about 3 years ago saying that he keeps coming into her old store looking for her and they both said that was creepy. This is why I think he was coming into her store a lot seeing her and maybe taking her to lunch. My wife told her friend that I was concerned because he invited her to lunch and her friend said her husband would be concerned as well. So wife asked her friend what to do and she said block him on FB so she did, but she kept responding to his texts. Her friend said she had to block him for being too creepy. My wife insists him and her never said or did anything innappropriate. Now fast forward to about 4 months ago. I've been asking her questions about him and getting different answers everytime along with crying she says I'm interrogating her, but there just keeps getting new information all the time. I have been looking at phone records and she actually told him that she got fired she texted him first so that was the first lie that got me going. She said she lied to me to save herself from me cuz I'm so jealous. Then she said while she was still off from being fired that he came to our house with his daughter and a piece of meat he grilled for her and that her mom was there and my wife said she was so surprised that he showed up and it was creepy and she just talked to him on our porch. She said he scooped our address from her resume. Well phone records show he called her then she texted him after the call. I don't know but it really seems like she invited him and provided our address. He came to our house after I asked her if anything was going on with them. So she didn't even care of my concern. Maybe it was only him that came over and they were alone I dunno. I was at work and she didn't tell me he was coming or anything about it until now. She says we need to go to a therapist so I will believe her. She gets nervous about therapy before appointments. So we are in therapy now and she lied to the therapist now too saying she didn't invite him but I brang up the phone records and she just says she doesn't remember. Now the therapist says I need to just get over this and stop thinking about it or else we can't do therapy anymore. And that I can only talk to the therapist about it cuz my wife cries. I found out that he also called her from his work phone a few months ago which was two minutes long. I ask her why does she keep talking to him if he doesn't matter she says cuz she wants to be nice and polite. He hasn't texted her at all and I said I want to see whatever he texts her she said she would show me. But I dunno maybe she's just talking to him using her work email.

I feel like there are so many red flags and that I'm not being told the full story. I told her to tell me everything and she said I wouldn't believe her and that is when we had dinner and she told me that he showed up at that resteraunt and at our house. Now she just says she doesn't remember. They didn't text for a year then suddenly when she loses her job she had his number and goes to lunch with him. Maybe she would call him from work when she worked in his city to have lunch with him. She really didn't tell me much about her lunches but I know she went to lunch with people. She also said thst job interview wasn't really anything cuz the guy didn't even have a spot for her. Now it's really hard to just not think about this anymore. I feel betrayed. I don't know if I should follow through with therapy. She has been more loving than ever, and that this guy means nothing to her. Why would he keep trying to meet up with her for all these years if she didn't help feed that. She says they never hung out after he quit. And that I can call him. This is my first relationship. I know I invaded her privacy a bit, but her lieing and continuing to talk to this guy and not telling me anything even when I'm concerned is weird. She was married before and divorced cuz she kissed a guy that liked her and would have lunch with her, who became her bf. We have two kids and she has another from a past relationship.

It seems like him and her would mess around then come back to their spouses. They only texted on weekdays during business hours. Him asking her to lunch 3 times in a row seems like they went to lunch after he quit. She says they only talked about work during their business lunches. To be fair to her all of this took place over a span of years but some stuff seems pretty damn important that I would remember.

So I told her I want to run scans on her phones for his messages. She said no. Then said let's see what the therapist would say about that. Then I said ok ok. Then she cracked and said I could but that she wants to see them too so I don't take anything out of context

Last edited by youaremetoo; 03-10-2017 at 06:36 PM.
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