Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - World has been turned upside down in a day.
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post #9 of (permalink) Old 03-15-2017, 08:30 PM
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 98
Re: World has been turned upside down in a day.

Originally Posted by ddude23 View Post
Hi all, I am a 33 year old male. My wife is 32 years old. We married in 2008 and have been together since 2004. We've faced pretty tough things over our time together. Lost our first house which was devastating but now live in a very nice home that were comfortable in. Throughout our time together it was found out that my wife was infertile, we never really planned for kids but it devastated her. I did maybe want kids one day but I assured her that I love her and would not be going anywhere. She has been my biggest supporter and best friend all of these years. We barely fought and have had a good marriage.

Yesterday my wife confessed something that turned everything upside down. She teaches a dance class for young/teenage girls and has informed me that she's been having an emotional affair with one of the fathers of one of these girls. Told me she is confused and doesn't know if these feelings are real or not and if she should follow them. This has been going on for four months. Swearing nothing physical has happened.

I thought I had it all, I have a nice life and a good job that I'm respected at, get along with everybody. I asked her if she is willing to cut him off completely, she told me she doesn't know if she can do that. Told me she thinks we can go to counseling. All while she still continues deciding what she wants.

I was at work earlier today, I just started to cry in my office. Looking at at the picture of her on my table. I feel like a destroyed/betrayed man. Someone must of heard and informed my boss, who talked with me personally and told me it is okay if I take a few days off.

So I'm at home, all I want to do is drown my thoughts in alcohol but I have read that it's not good. I will do anything to numb this pain. I posted in another section, but that is a divorce forum. Although there is a good possibility I will end up divorced
So sorry to hear about your situation man. I was you in November except my wife's affair had gotten physical (to me, the emotional part with a woman is what is so concerning anyway). She fell in love with the other guy. We had the perfect life: great house, pool, luxury vehicles, travel, marriage that seemed happy for 9 years with no fights or complaints by her, etc. We also had no kids. My wife is 32 as well. Our counselor said that is a scary time for women because they are reassessing life and figuring out who they really are and what they want. She too had difficulty cutting ties with the other guy. He was married with 3 little kids in a state far away yet she eventually chose him last month. You will be hurting right now in the immediate aftermath. I remember feeling out of control and physically ill for a week. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I too cried at work and just stayed home one day and cried. IT WILL GET BETTER!!! I kept my wife's affair a secret because I didn't want to ruin reconciliation. In hindsight, I wish I would have shared what happened with a few people I really trusted. It's hard to be alone right now with this info. We tried counseling too but my wife could not get over the other guy. We are in the middle of divorce proceedings right now. I started off wondering how I could live without my wife to now wondering how I could live with her knowing what she has done and how she hurt me. I'm 41 - you have the luxury of your whole life still ahead of you. I'm not one of these guys who says throw her stuff in the yard. BUT get your financial house in order and consider drafting a post-nuptial agreement (you can have a lawyer do it or find one online and tweak it). You can take advantage of her being in lala land and maybe get decent terms in case you do start divorce. Listen - you did nothing wrong to make her cheat. She is a weak person and if not this guy, it would have happened down the road. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed - you did nothing wrong! And take the time to be sad. This is devastating news but things will get better! Just hang in there and post on this board. My thread is called wife choosing other man - read my story and you will see similarities I bet. The times where I feel sad are few and far between now.
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