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post #7 of (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:28 PM
Wolfman1968's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 547
Re: So angry at husband!

Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post

He was beyond bothered at my request. Apparently, missing a soccer practice was out of the question. Feeling like my safety was of no concern to him I was pissed. He then went on tell me that it will probably get there safe. PROBABLY. Well, what happens if I get there and it won't start again? He tells me he'll come grab me after practice, but I didn't want to wait around until 10 PM for him to get there. Again, I don't think this was an out of line expectation. Then he told me to drop him off at practice, go to my mom's and pick him back up. We'd worry about the car in the morning. His suggestion has me driving around the entire city. All of this is so he can get to practice and does **** all for our current problem. (How will I get to work in the morning?)

My suggestion was to have it towed to the dealership NOW then have him drop me off at my mom's. I would take a cab to work (no transit) and organize my car from there. This, of course, would means he needs to miss practice as we'd have to wait for the tow and he'd have to drive me back to my mom's then back home again after we grabbed everything. IMO, this was a no-brainer, but he seemed to think this was all very inconvenient.
Originally Posted by aine View Post
He is showing you who he is, his events are more important. Most women want to feel secure and safe and count on their H. Tell him this as he has failed miserably.
Believe me when I tell you he will not change, so in future, you demand he do it. If he huffs and puffs, there has to be consequences. In future I would book a hotel near the work place and not just come home if the car is not working. Come up with another solution, that does not involve him, if he complains tell him that if he would do what he is supposed to do then you wouldn't have to make alternative arrangements.
Aine, I am going to disagree with you.

The suggestions her husband had (either wait at mother's for the soccer to end, or pick him up from soccer on the way back) did not compromise her safety. It compromised her CONVENIENCE. She would be in a good car in either of his suggestions.

To resolve an impasse, it helps to make an effort to understand the other person's viewpoint. In my opinion, her attitude reflects a sense that her husband's soccer is of no value. That HER time (which would be wasted either waiting at her mother's or driving all over town) is more important to her than HIS soccer game, which obviously means a lot to him. It comes off to me as "my way or no way". In a sense, his suggestions were more of a compromise than hers, I feel. At least with his suggestions, both parties get a little something (she gets her errands, he gets his soccer, just not efficiently). With the OP's suggestion, it's a one-way deal.

To top it off, the OP states the his soccer has been a point of contention previously. Based on what she said about it, I am assuming she DOESN'T put much value on his playing soccer; she pretty much tell us that without saying so explicitly. So, of course it seems to him like it is one more round of her bashing his soccer; because I think it is, too.

There are some things that are important to Mrs. Wolfman, even if I think they are not of much value intrinsically, or at least of no value to me specifically. However, because they are important to Mrs. Wolfman, they become important to me. I make the effort to see that she can have them/do them, because I like her to be happy. However, I don't see that kind of dynamic in the OP's post.

Here's a thought experiment for the OP: Suppose it WAS important to the OP that her husband get enjoyment from his soccer, to the point that she would do what she has to do to make it happen, as long as it didn't endanger her/cause real hardship? What kind of suggestions might the OP make then, with such an attitude? I suspect they might actually be close to what her husband suggested.

And I'll bet that if all the rest of the time, the OP was really supportive of his soccer, then when it was REALLY necessary, most husbands would be more willing to make the sacrifices on HIS end when no other practical choice was available. That's the give and take of marriage.

So, no, Aine, I don't agree with you, and I think Tunera's post above is closer to the mark than yours.
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