Re: lingering questions in my mind
Are there answers to these questions that would somehow change what she did and the hurt is caused you? I doubt it. You are staring down a rabbit hole that (in most cases) only gets deeper and more convoluted the further you go.
You should be asking yourself some questions right now. Thing like:
- What do I want from life?
- How important is trust in my marriage?
- Am I the kind of person that can ever move past such betrayal or will it haunt me for the rest of my life? Will I be triggered with doubt and panic every time she is late coming home or her phone rings at an odd hour? Will I imagine her with the other man when we have sex? Etc.
- Do my wife and I really have compatible values if she is capable of such selfishness and callous indifference?
- Are my feelings for her based upon her true self or an illusion?
You get the idea. For me, I can't imagine any response to infidelity short of immediate and permanent ending of the relationship. I might be able to forgive a cheater in time, but I would not sacrifice my own quality of life by subjecting myself to the never-ending doubt and anxiety. Once someone is proven to be a liar and untrustworthy, how would I ever completely trust them again? That's no life for me.
There are some people that claim to be able to repair the trust and salvage the relationship. Maybe you are one of them. Maybe not. This is the most important thing you need to ponder and be brutally honest with yourself. You'll never know the truth about her and what she did. You can know the truth about yourself.
Good luck in this unfortunate journey.