Re: Do You and Your Partner Argue About How Much Time You Spend Together?
Too, I am informed by reality. John Gottman's "Love Lab" in Seattle, after decades of study, measurement etc, has determined that there really is a numerical value. 15 hours a week. Below 15 hours a week of couples time, the statistical probability of divorce within the next ten years takes a significant spike upwards - like doubles, if I recall. "Couples time" by their definition requires some involvement. You could be working a project together, walking (even silently) in a low-distraction environment such as a nature park (a mall is high-distraction and only counts as couple time if you're engaged in conversations while being there). TV watching is never "couples" time according to the Love Lab.
This is interesting- I didn't realize that Gottman had the same 15 hours/week rec for married couples that Dr. Harley recommends in his Marriage Builders books/program. Thanks for sharing this. I know that I've never been unhappy in my marriage until we stopped prioritizing time together. It was very hard for me and now that we have it back, our marriage is much stronger, but I do struggle with the feeling of resentment from when I did not feel like as much of a priority.
Is your wife in IC? That might be a huge help to her. They even offer online therapy now where she can text a licensed therapist when she's feeling down about herself. It could help improve things with you and the marriage if she has a safe place to vent and gets helpful feedback.