She had a very controlling ex before so I feel she carries that heavily into our relationship. She keeps saying she doesn't need my approval to go. I'm not asking for approval but it just doesn't feel right that there was no conversation about it. I don't know. And I do feel like couples should do things together like vacations. Maybe I'm old fashioned.
She's controlling you by forcing you to accept her decision to vacation without you without discussing it with you first.
You have every right to be upset that your wife is not treating you like a partner in your marriage.