Yes she has kids as well. And as I said her ex was very controlling. So you hit it on the nail with the independence. She's made that comment before. Saying that we should be able to do our own thing. Which yes. To a degree. But like you said we need interdependence where we talk about things. And she doesn't see it that way. She views talking about it as a way of control. Bc of her past.
She can do her own thing, as a single woman. As a married woman, she needs to put the relationship first and do things you both agree on.