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post #3 of (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 05:03 PM
Mr Blunt
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Re: What Are The Long Term Effects Of An Affair?

Quote:
By Truthseeker and katie
I’m just wanting to understand what are the long term effects of an affair on a marriage?
Your post above does a good job of describing some of the possible negative and positives of an affair. I will condense those negatives and positives and add a few of my own below:

Negative: “Anger-Resentment”….

I will add trapped and with those negatives it lessens the positives you can give the children. You may have less trust, less admiration in the betrayer, and have unsettled security.

Positives: “Better communication, prompt you to make positive changes in yourself, become more self-sufficient in your self-esteem, you get a better understanding of the fact that you can only control yourself and not others
.

I will add that you can be prompted to build in your spiritual life and be more of a giver to your family. By becoming more self-sufficient you have less fear of betrayal and gain in security. You get strong enough that you know that you can live with them or without them.



Quote:
What does our long term future look like?”
As you have stated this depends on several factors as you have described below

Quote:
Because honestly, the answers depend upon several variables like the depth of the deception, the length of the affair, the state of the couple’s marriage after the affair, and the amount of work done during recovery.
In my case with some success in reconciliation, this is what it looks like:

You eventually get to the point that the betrayal does not affect your life to any great degree. It will always affect you in some ways but not to a degree that keeps you from having a good life.

You are forced to give up some of the idealism that you may have had about marriage. Some of these ideals are:

That you can always trust your spouse to never stab you in the back.
That your spouse will always have your best interest at heart.
That your spouse has very strong integrity and strong beliefs that they will hold on to no matter what.
The traditional marriage vows as listed below do not apply to your marriage any longer:


Quote:
Do you promise to love her/him, comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her/him, for as long as you both shall live.

As a BS, I have been in R for over 20 years and I have a good life almost all of the time. I have a very good relationship with my children and grandchildren and other family members. My marriage is good most of the time, satisfactory at others times, and poor on very rare occasions.

I have heard some people say that the marriage after betrayal can be great. That may be true for some people but it is not true in my case. I do not have to have a great marriage to have a good life and that is what my long term future as proven so far.

Hope my post helps someone.

Last edited by Mr Blunt; 04-09-2017 at 05:08 PM.
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