Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
Same woman? 5 Years since first situation and now?
Honestly your husband DID NOT LEARN THE LAST TIME. he is back in the affair.
Really? you want to keep trying? While he was willingly in contact, no email or phone just verbal because HE REALLY REALLY REALLY does not want you to know.
Do you know what might work? Dropping him like a hot potato, she is pursuing him and he LIKES IT. He also LIKES THAT YOU HAVE NOT GIVEN UP ON HIM! this man is an ego kibble junkie. As long as she makes him feel good and he does not dig into why he is messed up and wanting those feelings there is no point to keep working at this. She will just keep chipping away at the armor you have on your marriage. The armor your husband soaks in the salty ocean to rust away as fast as possible.
He does not care about your feelings only so far as he can keep you ignorant. As far as her, he has not drawn the line in the sand. BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO!
Dropping him will cut of half the ego kibble supply, He will have to chose her because his wife walked out. He will finally see this other woman for a predator and he was a stupid weak prey. Prey that stares right at the big wolf instead of being smart and running for safety. He will see less of his kids, and will also see your strength.
Only when he really SEES WHAT HE THREW AWAY, only then is he even close to worthy of another try.
I have kids, I am not saying this without understanding the difficult position you find yourself still in.
I agree. Putting separation and divorce into motion is extremely difficult and I keep sticking my head in the sand. Kicking him out is still an option. I am really unhappy with him on multiple levels unrelated to this and this is just the cherry on top of the s**t pile.
Part of the issue is that I doubt any relationship after this will great. Maybe all relationships are tolerable at best after so many years. This is the only relationship I have ever had and I have never broken up with anyone. I met him at 18 and married a year later. Our parents are gone now, we are each other's family. It's hard to turn my back even when it makes sense. I like my life and I feel like divorcing him jeopardized my life, friends, schedule, house and support system for our child. I am worried that our child is getting old enough to notice the disfunction.
What concerns me is how easy it is to fall into our routines just like nothing happened. I have no idea what to do from here. It's only been a week but more info keeps slipping out when I push him and he becomes more willing to make an effort. I don't know. Yesterday he said he might look for another job away from OW. Not sure if that is really good enough now. I think he isn't as interested in her because she was crying and not as peppy as he remembered. I don't want to worry about looking over his shoulder. It's exhausting.