would you have sexual tension with someone who is 25 years older than you? That's the part that had kept me from blowing up. If this guy was 30 I would have never allowed this. But he seems strange (like a burnout) who on the surface doesn't seem harmful. It would be helpful to have a female perspective.
Most people do not go looking for affairs and often "affair down" from their spouse because they did not expect to develop feelings for someone like that (older, burnout, etc.).
Women can develop feelings for a guy who regularly gives them attention, affection, intimate conversation, and companionship.
This is why people who have appropriate boundaries typically do not have affairs- they don't allow the opposite sex to meet any of the above needs.
The volume of texting alone signals an EA with this guy. It likely started as a way to find companionship while you are gone a lot (working FT and going to school). She's getting her needs met outside of the marriage.
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