Re: I'm tired of wondering
Your gut is going off for a reason, my guess is that this dude is making attempts to breach your Ws defenses and will succeed to some measure if he has not already.
OM-3 with my W was 85 years old, and as my W put it disgusting, I never met him although I went looking before he died. So why did my W drive him places, go into his apartment, become accepted by his family, make statements to me that cheaters make and accept gifts from him?
I think the answer is that he was meeting my Ws needs in ways I was not, when I was not there, he gave her admiration, he gave her unconditional acceptance, he flattered her in ways he had refined over the years. I not sure if my W complained about our marriage to OM-3 but it would not surprise me as that is part of the progression in conversation that OM become good at.