Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Re: I hate sex but LOVE my husband
Think you need professional help. Sex results in the release of Oxytocin, the hormone responsible for emotional bonding of the couple. Same hormone that bonds a mother to her child. My wife does not like intercourse and we have not had it for longer than we can remember in our 44 year marriage. Still we have sex. She likes to cuddle and kiss a lot, but she uses a vibrator now, and then makes me orgasm orally or by hand. She used to have a girlfriend to take care of her up to 7 years ago.
After my wife had a hip replacement she had body issues. A huge sunken scar was not attractive to look at. 6 months of no physical activity made her gain weight. We worked through it by basically forcing ourselves to have sex each week, if even to lay next to each other and masturbate. That got that good old Oxytocin working again and made us want to have sex more and do more. You mention that you love him, but love without sex is not romantic love. I love my sister and parents, but that is not the kind of love there should be in a marriage. Marriage kind of centers around sex, at least in a healthy marriage, and not one where you live like best friends, or for the sake of the kids. We are married 44 years and still love each other as we did when we first met. We have learned that a highly sexual marriage is much better than one with infrequent sex. We went out of the traditional marriage structure of sexual monogamy to get there, and it has made our marriage wonderful and very pleasurable too.
I am not big on therapist, but in your case a sex therapist could probably fix you up easily. Since the love is there, a series of exercises will probably get you to the point when you are back in the saddle again. Good luck and a life without sex is never as good as one with a healthy sexual relationship. I have lived both and learned that first hand.
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
Last edited by Vinnydee; 04-19-2017 at 10:20 AM.