Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Is it normal to feel like your going crazy???

Ladyinblue · 09-19-2008, 05:23 PM

My biggest issue is that I don't think my husband "gets it". I think he feels really bad that he hurt me, BUT, I don't think he thinks he has done something really wrong. I think he thinks that as long as there was no physical contact or sex then he did not have an "actual"affair. Because of this thinking, I am thinking that my husband will do this again eventually if he feels "lonely".

He tried to justify everything by saying that i never wanted to hang out with "them" online,even when he asked me to.He also asked me if it "bothered" me he was hanging out with her and i had said no.So he felt like i "didn't care" about him.....he said "I don't know...it was innocent at first...she was just a friend...then, it started to get out of hand...once it started I knew it was wrong but i just didn't know how to stop it'...this might be what he felt, but how am i suppose to feel about his boundaries with women going forward now? He still hasn't been able to tell what "void" this woman was filling besides "giving him attention" that made him feel "special".

The thing is, i stopped giving him attention when i realized he was impossible to talk to. He stopped helping me around the house,hardly ever did any chores(only when i *****ed) or helped me with the kids.Communication was always hell,and every time i tried to bring up a problem he would get angry and push me away.So i just gave up on us and put up a wall.I stopped letting him know i cared because it was obvious to me he didn't give a ****.SO its like he stopped doing his "marital duty" to try to meet my needs and when i stopped as well he turned to a stranger to fill his needs.How can he put any blame on me?It is very difficult to picture him having an emotional connection with another woman, especially since she knew we were married. I have to assume he did not speak kindly of me or the marriage.It hurts so much to know how totally ungrateful he has been of all the support and love i have given him in the past when he has needed it most.Two words that come to mind...Selfish and needy.He expected me to always be the one giving while he was taking...and he expected it to stay that way.

Its been a week from today and he already expects me to "not be so upset"...because it makes him too upset....?? Again, his "needs" come first.I'm just scared that he will never get it.Maybe he just doesn't want to....Right now I don't know if I want to keep trying anymore. For what? the next time it may lead to a physical affair.I feel like my husband would throw me in front of a Train to save himself. I just don't feel secure in our marriage anymore. One minute i want to try, and the next minute i don't.

09-19-2008, 05:23 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ladyinblue Registered User Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 26	Re: Is it normal to feel like your going crazy??? My biggest issue is that I don't think my husband "gets it". I think he feels really bad that he hurt me, BUT, I don't think he thinks he has done something really wrong. I think he thinks that as long as there was no physical contact or sex then he did not have an "actual"affair. Because of this thinking, I am thinking that my husband will do this again eventually if he feels "lonely". He tried to justify everything by saying that i never wanted to hang out with "them" online,even when he asked me to.He also asked me if it "bothered" me he was hanging out with her and i had said no.So he felt like i "didn't care" about him.....he said "I don't know...it was innocent at first...she was just a friend...then, it started to get out of hand...once it started I knew it was wrong but i just didn't know how to stop it'...this might be what he felt, but how am i suppose to feel about his boundaries with women going forward now? He still hasn't been able to tell what "void" this woman was filling besides "giving him attention" that made him feel "special". The thing is, i stopped giving him attention when i realized he was impossible to talk to. He stopped helping me around the house,hardly ever did any chores(only when i ***ed) or helped me with the kids.Communication was always hell,and every time i tried to bring up a problem he would get angry and push me away.So i just gave up on us and put up a wall.I stopped letting him know i cared because it was obvious to me he didn't give a **.SO its like he stopped doing his "marital duty" to try to meet my needs and when i stopped as well he turned to a stranger to fill his needs.How can he put any blame on me?It is very difficult to picture him having an emotional connection with another woman, especially since she knew we were married. I have to assume he did not speak kindly of me or the marriage.It hurts so much to know how totally ungrateful he has been of all the support and love i have given him in the past when he has needed it most.Two words that come to mind...Selfish and needy.He expected me to always be the one giving while he was taking...and he expected it to stay that way. Its been a week from today and he already expects me to "not be so upset"...because it makes him too upset....?? Again, his "needs" come first.I'm just scared that he will never get it.Maybe he just doesn't want to....Right now I don't know if I want to keep trying anymore. For what? the next time it may lead to a physical affair.I feel like my husband would throw me in front of a Train to save himself. I just don't feel secure in our marriage anymore. One minute i want to try, and the next minute i don't.