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post #5 of (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 05:30 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Re: Can men tell me what happened here?

My advice might not be agreeable to you, and I'm a woman, so feel free to disregard, but if you are truly looking for a committed relationship, don't have sex so early on. There are unfortunately many men out there like the one you dated, who may either be players, damaged, carring great baggage, etc.

I dated several like your guy, and because I was very adamant about wanting a RELATIONSHIP, I would not have sex until we dated for 3 months. Many of them, even the most mature seeming and romantic, dropped like flies.

Many posters here, especially men, think 3 months is rediculous, I'm sure, however those were my personal boundaries. I love sex, but I also know that I only want it with a man who truly wants me and to give up the cookie early would send a message I didn't want to send.

IMO, having sex early on shows with actions that you'll go against your own words when you tell men that you're selectively looking for a committed relationship. They'll think twice about your seriousness and put you in the "fun woman" box. You want to be in the "marrying kind" box.

I know there are many posters here who had sex early on, married, and are happy, but they are the outliers IMO, especially in this day and age. My current husband and I waited, because we both wanted the relationship to blossom and succeed on its own merit. When we had sex the first time, it was mind blowing and has been that way since.

So in summary, I think that you need to respect what you can offer to a man more than you currently are. Protect it, and a man who is right for you will emerge. Any man can tell you you're beautiful and say the right things, but if you don't give enough time to really tell from his actions if he's as noble as he seems, then you're only making things easier for him and unfair to you.

All the best.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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