Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - HOW to Give Him "Space"...? Please advise...

stumpjumper · 09-03-2010, 11:11 PM

Sounds to me like you may have inadvertently taken the wind from his sails. I can almost guarantee you he grew up in a traditional environment, as "Old Fashioned" as that may sound. Even today, "In The Modern World" a lot of men still feel this way. Call it Tribal Instinct or whatever, to him it may seem like a roll reversal.

Now there is nothing wrong with anyone taking on the challenge of achieving there goals in life, what ever they may be. But there is something wrong with misplaced priorities. And the day you said "I DO" was a message to him that he, and your relationship was the number one priority in your life.

What he may have seen/felt was that you placed him, and your relationship, on the the back-burner while you set off on your next conquest. A conquest you have justified, in your mind, as to keep all of you out of the poor house, which only added fuel to the flames of inadequacy that may be burning in his mind. And it is the concerns of what he needs, or has requested, that sparked you to seek advice.

So lets define "Space" in the context of a relationship,I will give a few examples.

Pride

Affiliation

Alone time

Independence

Individualism

Self-Expression

Self-Confidence

Self-Achievement

Personal Fulfillment

Satisfaction With Self

Control Of Own Life

Again, maybe in his mind, you have deprived, or taken from him some or all of these things. And to ask him what he means by space, may just be somewhere he doesn't want to go with you because he doesn't want you to know what you've achieved in your life affected him that deep. Assuming he knows himself, because he may not actually realize it himself, if that makes any sense. It's sometimes hard for men to understand why they may feel a certain way, let alone explain it to someone else. But, he did say he needed space.

Well, you can give that to him fairly easy, and it might even be fun too. For starters;

Recognition: Show him recognition for any achievements, no matter how small. This will help with his sense of pride, self-confidence, self-achievement and satisfaction with self.
Being Well Thought Of: There is nothing more fulfilling than to have your spouse think very highly of you, and to know how important you are to them.
Respect: Something I believe is earned, not demanded. And I think, from your story, he showed you respect by waiting in the shadows while you were on your personal journey, or conquest, to achieve your goals.

Then comes the fun part;

Affection

Romance

Companionship

Communication

Sexual Satisfaction

Sensual Experience

All these things are essential elements to any happy relationship. But the most important thing to remember, is to make, cherish, protect and defend, your relationship with him the number one priority over all things. Even kids, or family.

If you can set this as your goal, you can achieve it, just as your did your other.

Remove The Wedge....
Make The Pledge!

It will be fun and very fulfilling.

Chow for Now, And Good Luck
Stumpjumper

09-03-2010, 11:11 PM	#8 (permalink)
stumpjumper Registered User Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 3	Re: HOW to Give Him "Space"...? Please advise... Sounds to me like you may have inadvertently taken the wind from his sails. I can almost guarantee you he grew up in a traditional environment, as "Old Fashioned" as that may sound. Even today, "In The Modern World" a lot of men still feel this way. Call it Tribal Instinct or whatever, to him it may seem like a roll reversal. Now there is nothing wrong with anyone taking on the challenge of achieving there goals in life, what ever they may be. But there is something wrong with misplaced priorities. And the day you said "I DO" was a message to him that he, and your relationship was the number one priority in your life. What he may have seen/felt was that you placed him, and your relationship, on the the back-burner while you set off on your next conquest. A conquest you have justified, in your mind, as to keep all of you out of the poor house, which only added fuel to the flames of inadequacy that may be burning in his mind. And it is the concerns of what he needs, or has requested, that sparked you to seek advice. So lets define "Space" in the context of a relationship,I will give a few examples. *Pride* Affiliation Alone time Independence Individualism Self-Expression Self-Confidence Self-Achievement Personal Fulfillment Satisfaction With Self *Control Of Own Life* Again, maybe in his mind, you have deprived, or taken from him some or all of these things. And to ask him what he means by space, may just be somewhere he doesn't want to go with you because he doesn't want you to know what you've achieved in your life affected him that deep. Assuming he knows himself, because he may not actually realize it himself, if that makes any sense. It's sometimes hard for men to understand why they may feel a certain way, let alone explain it to someone else. But, he did say he needed space. Well, you can give that to him fairly easy, and it might even be fun too. For starters; Recognition: Show him recognition for any achievements, no matter how small. This will help with his sense of pride, self-confidence, self-achievement and satisfaction with self. Being Well Thought Of: There is nothing more fulfilling than to have your spouse think very highly of you, and to know how important you are to them. Respect: Something I believe is earned, not demanded. And I think, from your story, he showed you respect by waiting in the shadows while you were on your personal journey, or conquest, to achieve your goals. Then comes the fun part; Affection Romance Companionship Communication Sexual Satisfaction Sensual Experience All these things are essential elements to any happy relationship. But the most important thing to remember, is to make, cherish, protect and defend, your relationship with him the number one priority over all things. Even kids, or family. If you can set this as your goal, you can achieve it, just as your did your other. Remove The Wedge.... Make The Pledge! It will be fun and very fulfilling. Chow for Now, And Good Luck Stumpjumper Last edited by stumpjumper; 09-03-2010 at 11:22 PM.