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Originally Posted by Affaircare  It sounds like she knows, but doesn't have the strength or courage to do what she knows to do. In Real Life (IRL) she is going to have to face herself and her OCD, anxiety and depression...and she's going to have to find the strength to choose to end the affair. Yes, she'll miss the affair-zing but if she endures the withdrawal from it, you two have a chance of rebuilding!! The big question is whether she has the courage to face herself and take action to deal with her choices. |
I think you have really hit the nail on the head here affaircare. From the discussions we had yesterday she is clearly now beginning to understand and regret what she has done to the point she can't believe it and has properly apologised. As part of her anxiety she suffers heavily from depersonalisation and derealisation. I'm not allowing it as an excuse for everything but it is a factor like you say.
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Originally Posted by Affaircare I'm not sure how much you are (or were) involved in helping her deal with her OCD, anxiety and depression but it is conceivable that many of those symptoms now are greatly exacerbated because she's doing what she knows is wrong. So some of those things might ease considerably if she'd just do the right thing! |
At times I was heavily involved in all her problems, I did suffer burnout a couple of years ago when we had our baby as I was primary carer for the baby for a while. She said yesterday she knows I am the one that has fought hardest to understand what she is going through.
She says she is very ashamed about what she has done/doing, she knows it is wrong and I think she wants to do the right thing. She is scared and confused but I think she knows she can not come back home and continue to work in that job with him. Been here before!
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Originally Posted by Affaircare Next, she may think she has painted herself into a corner--now that you've gotten stronger she may think you no longer have feelings for her and she's no longer welcome. So depending on where you are, you may want to let her know that you realize you no longer need her in your life and you're quite happy with you and your son...BUT that you would be willing to consider giving her the time to prove to you her sincere regret and show you the ways that's she's changed and dealt with her own personal issues. If she changes and you also make changes, it may be to your advantage to let her know that you have not made up your mind, but you are open to the possibility of considering something new...with her. From this point forward there is no reason you two couldn't learn and grow closer from this! |
This is great advice - thanks. She definitely feels in a corner. She wishes none of this had happened and she wishes she could just come home but she knows she will have to give up job and doesn't feel well enough to get another so will become dependant on me and a stay at home mum. That TERRIFIES her.
