healingme

You know which one I'm hearing a lot of lately? "Plenty more fish in the sea." I don't want any other fish. I've gone off fish. No more fish for me. I'm strictly non-fishing now. These ridiculous little sayings do nothing more than trivialise this pain. My Mum (love her to bits) were talking about relationships and I mentioned my ex before H and she said "Please don't go back to HIM!" I almost hung up the phone on her. It felt as though she was telling me I was desperate, or useless without a man and worse still, she doubts my judgement.

I am drawing the line at taking advice from people who have not been through divorce. They do not know how this feels. It's like having a loved one die. You can't imagine the searing pain destroying your soul every waking moment until you've actually been there. The shock. The feeling of being totally lost and the terrible, awful longing for it not to be so. The grief of divorce is exactly like the grief of death, the only difference being it isn't very often someone dies just to get away from you, or just because you're the one who wants to get away from them. I've heard divorce is harder to deal with than death, and after experiencing a bit too much death myself, I can personally vouch for that.

I'm learning that my stbxh is feeling similar feelings, and tonight he made a big error and accidently texted me a message intended for his friend, bagging me out. I was so angry and went for a drive. I understand that he is angry and upset at me because I broke up with him. And I'm angry and upset at him because he ignored all the signs that this was looming, and worse still, did absolutely nothing about acknowledging or helping to fix any of our problems.