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synonimous_anonymous · 09-22-2010, 04:59 AM

No dogs allowed in our new place. Our new apartment is much larger and more floors/rooms in total meaning more people, most of whom are elderly. I'm hoping that she somehow manages to make a friend or 2. We have a corner apartment, so just 1 neighbor to our left. The elderly couple that lives there I haven't met yet. My wife ran into the daughter who comes on occasion to take care of them.

Even if we were allowed dogs, it wouldn't be fair to the dog. Our old dog was used to being in the apartment, slept a good portion of the day, knew to go outside on the balcony to do his business, and was absolutely no hassle at all...only occasionally did he raid the garbage can.

This stress with my mother-in-law has been something that's divided us, unfortunately. I may be helping to prepare meals, get her medicine, referee the occasional outburst on both sides, make sure she's ready to go to daycare etc...but there are times when I feel she doesn't think I've done enough. She had a short lived emotional affair with an even shorter lived physical affair (Thus the move). I blame a lot of our stress on my mother-in-law, I also blame my wife for letting it get to her to the point it affects how she thinks about us. Seeing her mother like that she's become increasingly sensitive to when I'm sick, which isn't often, but the last time I had an intestinal infection and was put on antibiotics I went to the hospital and got treated etc without telling her. I use to have 2 insurance policies, one was the government one and the other a private insurance. I canceled the private insurance since everything I ever need is really taken care of by the government plan. My wife had mixed reactions to that. There was a life insurance policy on the private plan that took care of things in case of sudden death etc. The government plan, in similar cases, already takes care of things. The fact that I'm not a citizen of this country makes things even easier if the unfortunate should happen. HOWEVER, I then got myself the life insurance policy without the actually health insurance benefits, a whole lot cheaper...but that didn't seem to matter. Her emotions come in waves. She questions whether or not she can be a mother, a good mother. Seeing how she is with her own mother who is acting very much like a child she seems to think she'll be the same way with a baby. We were suppose to be in the process of baby-making...but that's been put on hold.

How do you continue to live your own life when it seems everything has been put on hold to wait for this other person to, quite simply, die. Even if she gets to the point that she needs 24hour care, she won't be going into a hospice or anything. My wife will have to quit her job and focus entirely on her mother. That's how things are done and what is expected. We're seeing a growing number of elderly people in Japan compared to d a decreased number in kids/young adults. People are just not having families anymore because they are too busy taking care of their parents. There are more issues than that I'm sure, but this is definitely a big one.

09-22-2010, 04:59 AM	#3 (permalink)
synonimous_anonymous Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 239	Re: Caring for elder parent No dogs allowed in our new place. Our new apartment is much larger and more floors/rooms in total meaning more people, most of whom are elderly. I'm hoping that she somehow manages to make a friend or 2. We have a corner apartment, so just 1 neighbor to our left. The elderly couple that lives there I haven't met yet. My wife ran into the daughter who comes on occasion to take care of them. Even if we were allowed dogs, it wouldn't be fair to the dog. Our old dog was used to being in the apartment, slept a good portion of the day, knew to go outside on the balcony to do his business, and was absolutely no hassle at all...only occasionally did he raid the garbage can. This stress with my mother-in-law has been something that's divided us, unfortunately. I may be helping to prepare meals, get her medicine, referee the occasional outburst on both sides, make sure she's ready to go to daycare etc...but there are times when I feel she doesn't think I've done enough. She had a short lived emotional affair with an even shorter lived physical affair (Thus the move). I blame a lot of our stress on my mother-in-law, I also blame my wife for letting it get to her to the point it affects how she thinks about us. Seeing her mother like that she's become increasingly sensitive to when I'm sick, which isn't often, but the last time I had an intestinal infection and was put on antibiotics I went to the hospital and got treated etc without telling her. I use to have 2 insurance policies, one was the government one and the other a private insurance. I canceled the private insurance since everything I ever need is really taken care of by the government plan. My wife had mixed reactions to that. There was a life insurance policy on the private plan that took care of things in case of sudden death etc. The government plan, in similar cases, already takes care of things. The fact that I'm not a citizen of this country makes things even easier if the unfortunate should happen. HOWEVER, I then got myself the life insurance policy without the actually health insurance benefits, a whole lot cheaper...but that didn't seem to matter. Her emotions come in waves. She questions whether or not she can be a mother, a good mother. Seeing how she is with her own mother who is acting very much like a child she seems to think she'll be the same way with a baby. We were suppose to be in the process of baby-making...but that's been put on hold. How do you continue to live your own life when it seems everything has been put on hold to wait for this other person to, quite simply, die. Even if she gets to the point that she needs 24hour care, she won't be going into a hospice or anything. My wife will have to quit her job and focus entirely on her mother. That's how things are done and what is expected. We're seeing a growing number of elderly people in Japan compared to d a decreased number in kids/young adults. People are just not having families anymore because they are too busy taking care of their parents. There are more issues than that I'm sure, but this is definitely a big one.