| | Re: all i do is hurt people
thanks for all the advice. Its already in my head but i do tend to make spur of the moment decisions and not thinking about the long term. I don't really have my parents to fall back on anymore. They separated about a year ago. My dad kicked me out so that his new girlfriend could move in with her 3 kids. I was older and he said that I needed to figure it out. My parents were married for 28 years and my mom always stayed home. Now that they aren't together she has nothing. She doesn't have a career, no money. She lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment and is always asking my husband for money to pay bills. While my dad moves on with his new family and forgets about his own kids even. I don't ever want to end up like that. Robert and I haven't talked for a week and its driving me crazy. I think he has finally had enough of this. He told me that he has been waiting this whole time to decide between the two of them. He hasn't called. He has been my best friend for so long and we have never stopped talking through all of this. I miss him so much. Im trying to be happy here. I wish that this still made me happy. I can tell that Ryan really sees what he did wrong all this time. He has changed so much. I just cannot let go of all the horrible things that happened over the past 4 years. A few days after I left the first time I came back and told him I made a mistake. He told me that he didn't love me and that i just needed to move on. Thats the kind of stuff that won't get out of my head. I can't just click back into that cookie cutter house wife life. I try getting jobs and it always interferes with our life. And since his job is the most important I always end up having to quit. It sounds selfish when i think it in my head but what i hate the most about this situation is that everything is about our life. I want to think about my life. I am only 21 years old. Most people my age are living in dorm rooms and going to school. I have been a house wife since i was 17! I can't even figure out what it is i want to do with my life at this point. I am always thinking about what i need to do to make other people happy.