Originally Posted by Tanelornpete
The ONLY reason you should expose an affair is if it is still going on, and your spouse refuses to stop. Using it as a form of revenge will have the reverse effect of what you (hopefully) wish: the recovery and growth of your marriage. Using it for revenge or punishment opens the door to the use of retribution between you and your spouse for any imagined or real slight.
So you have a choice: if this was a ONS, it obviously is not happening again. This means that no exposure is necessary - nor moral. Your choice: act out in anger and do your best to destroy your marriage, or else do what will bring you and your spouse closer, and instead begin to work on the problems in your marriage that helped bring about the choice to cheat.
Amazingly, I actually agree with Tanelornpete on MOST of this. (stranger things have happened) My situation is somewhat different than yours, How2, in that my wife confessed , and made the affair public . The only part Pete is, in my opinion, wrong about is that a betrayed spouse can choose to act out in anger, or not. The rage must have an outlet, like any other emotions, for the mental health of the BS. To keep the hurt and anger/ sense of injustice, bottled up inside, will hurt the chances of recovery.