How do I deal with this anger????
I will try to make this short,
Married for 14 years. Year 13, he tells me he has been having cybersex with women for two years (with my webcam no less) and thinks he's going to get arrested for inadvertently talking about underwear with a 14 year old online. He isn't and doesn't and I tell him that if he lies to me anymore or has anymore cybersex with anyone that it's over. Two weeks later, he then lies to me about chatting with an old female friend from high school. I figured something was going on because why lie about nothing?, but tell him to not lie anymore and stay with him.
One year later, I catch him having cybersex again and surfing craigs list for local woman/couples looking for a male one night stand partner. He lies to me about it and I tell him I am divorcing him but will keep things civil because of the kids.
I just found out that three days after I confronted him this last time, he started calling and having hour+ long conversations with the same old female friend from highschool until 2 in the morning and went to her house to "fix her car". He lied to me about this too. Again, why lie when there is nothing to hide?
To top it all off, he's told me that he's believed I've been cheating on him our entire marriage! I have NEVER EVER EVER cheated on him or wanted to and he keeps coming up with these crazy, stupid stories about why he's believed this all these years. How do you prove that you've never done something??
Anyways, I can't take it anymore. Everytime I see him now and every word that comes out of his mouth, I am SO angry! I can't hear him or see him without wanting to say something nasty and hurtful and mean. I don't want to be anywhere near him or to hear anymore of the bullsh** coming out of his mouth but I HAVE TO. We have kids together and they love their father and know nothing of any of this except mom and dad just aren't happy and are divorcing (which is bad enough). How do I put a lid on this? What can I do to relieve some of this anger? I feel like this person has wasted the last three years of my life and I can't stop thinking about how stupid I've been and trying to think of ways or things to say to make him feel the same pain I'm feeling. I know these things won't solve anything but I just can't help it and don't know how to fix this and I need to keep things level for the kids.
Have any of you had similar problems with the anger? Please give me some ideas here...I just don't know how to cope with all of this....
Sorry, this wasn't so short after all.